Am I a horrible person? TW abuse

[Movegroover]

I was in a very abusive relationship for 5 years and I’ve found out my abuser has died and all I feel is relief.

i was 18 when the relationship started and he was 16 years older. He abused me mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually. The police (he was known to them) and my solicitor said he groomed me which I didn’t want to believe at the time but with hindsight, he did. He hit me, he sexually assaulted me in the worst way possible, he mentally tortured me. He was done for harassment and I had a restraining order in the end but I didn’t press charges on everything because I didn’t want to go to court after the paddy Jackson trial and given the low conviction rate for r*pe cases.

anyway, this was 5 years ago. I’ve since married and have a baby and am very happy in my life.

when I found out he died….I was relieved. It was like a weight had been lifted. I can go about my business without being worried I’ll meet him. I feel content. Is that bad? My family member was shocked that I cried with relief but I honestly can’t feel any other way. Is that really bad?

Not in my book. Can't think why you'd feel any other way, to be honest. I'm sorry for what you've been through, and I'm glad that you are now at more peace.

Nope, not unreasonable. My abuser died in a car crash a couple years after my unsuccessful trial and to this day (15 years later) I still admit that im happy it happened to him because its exactly what he deserved. I dont even feel bad saying that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hell no don't feel bad.
He can't hurt anyone ever again
Good result IMHO x

I think it’s a great sign that you cried with relief. You should! I think many people are actually incredibly conflicted when an abuser dies because they feel sorrow and grief, that must be so awful and so confusing. You didn’t wish death on someone you just felt relief and freedom upon hearing the news. I hope this aids your healing, you’re having a completely appropriate response to that news. I’m sorry you went through what you did, I’m so glad you found happiness afterwords, good for you! X

No. Relief is normal.
My daughters father was horrifically abusive to me and her, if the police knocked on my door to tell me he died, it would be akin to winning the lottery.

Understandable. He can’t cause you or anyone else anymore harm.

I’ve just found out my aunt is going to this man’s funeral. I am absolutely crushed.

Oh my love. If you were my daughter, I'd be dancing on his grave right now.

The evil bastard is dead and good riddance. He can't hurt you any more, and it is absolutely right that you should feel such relief.

Hell no. If it was my ex I'd be celebrating his demise with my favourite drink and he wasn't even half as abusive as yours sounds!

What an evil man. Of course you're not unreasonable.

Does your aunt know the details of what he did to you? If not, I'd make it clear before the funeral.

If anyone judges you they just have no idea. I live for the day I can feel that relief, to feel safe again. I almost feel like saying congratulations. Enjoy the feeling, celebrate if you want. I would!

Oh no. Have you been to therapy? Now would be a good time, and to go low contact at least until this is over. I can only imagine how triggering this must be for you. Take good care of yourself! You deserve much better!

Yeah she knows about it. I sat crying on the phone earlier and said he literally r*ped me. She’s very religious and believed in love and kindness should be applied to all situations but this man had no remorse, that’s from the horses mouth. Ah just in shock. I’m more affected by her reaction than the death itself. She told me what I was saying was my ‘perception’. I’ve done so much work and therapy to get over this but I feel like I’ve been hit by a ton of bricks over this

Thank you for all the lovely replies x