AIBU to be annoyed about my mother and Christmas presents?

[TwoShotsInMyCup]

This annoys me every year. She wants me to send a list of what everyone in the family would like, including my adult children, younger children and my husband. She wants this in November so that she can get everything done early and not have to stress. I sympathise with this. But she won't give me one clue about what she might like herself! I also would like to get started with shopping so I don't have to fuss about it last minute. But no, she is 'thinking about it'.

I sent a catalogue to her in the post this week and suggested she choose something from there. Still 'thinking about it'. For info, I work, have kids at home and a busy timetable of things over the Christmas period including hosting, kids' concerts, all the usual present buying and food ordering etc. My mother is retired, has close family only to buy for, and constantly complains about being bored and having nothing to do.

I am just letting off steam, but I think it's selfish and annoying. If I just choose something that she didn't ask for, it's usually wrong. She won't say this at the time, but next year, she'll say something like "Don't get me any more x.... because I don't like the (insert details)."

Yeah Mum, I'll do you a list
You send your list over & I'll send ours back

I bloody hate people who demand lists - they're giving me the job of sorting our their Christmas shopping on top of my own.

What ever happalened to 'its the thought that counts'?!

Hold your list hostage. You'll send it once hers is received and not a minute before!

Reply to her asking where your family lists are with, ‘they are all still thinking about it’.

Definitely this!
My MIL has decided that she doesn’t want a list this year, she would like me to buy the presents everyone wants, drop them off to her to wrap before next weekend and then collect them when they are ready so she has something to do before the ‘rush of Christmas’ stats.

i get her logic, but there’s no consideration about my time in any of her thoughts. (And I swear if DH asks one more time what the dc want his mother to give them for Christmas, I’m going to scream! It’s as if she is the only one giving them anything this year!).

I get so annoyed by the "tell me what to buy for you" narrative. My mum is exactly the same. She's been my mum for over 40 years yet she still can't think of what sort of things I like. I long for the day when I might receive a present and not already know what it is.

This x 1000

I ask for ideas for what people would like because I don't want to waste my limited funds on getting them something they don't want. I do always have a list of my own to give if asked, but as I get older it is harder and harder to think of things as I already have most things I need and I wouldn't ask for a lot of the things I want as they would be too expensive. Maybe that is the case when it comes to your mum?
Books are always a good bet for me - but I read very quickly so get less than a week's enjoyment out of them usually, which may be why people don't buy them for me 😞

Amen!😂

Although my parents once bought me a surprise and it was the most awful thing that did not suit me/ my personality at all.

Sometimes it's better to give a list!

Maybe too late for this year but next year just make it clear 'not doing presents this year Mum for the over 18s .. we've all got far too much stuff in our lives ... anyone under 18 can have a cash gift for their savings'.

End of ... we gave up exchanging gifts years ago .. we are all able to buy things for ourselves. Still enjoy getting together and having a lovely time at Christmas... but no angst over presents.

If she doesn't give you any ideas for this year then a pot of hyacinths and an Oxfam goat would be easy and tough if she doesn't like it.

Hilarious, the adverts on this thread are all gift ideas, maybe our mums should get on MN!

I get you ladies, my mum used to shop with me, and when I saw something someone might like that I could buy she would grab it and go “ooooo I’ll get them that” 😡

I’ve done and wrapped all mine now, so I’m not interesting in other peoples gifting and they will be told so.

I think that your mil is cheeky asking you for a list of what you, your dh and your children want for xmas. Meanwhile you have asked her what she wants and is still thinking about this. She has form of accepting a present but a year later she say don't buy me X again.
I would tell her I need a few suggestions of what she like by the end of this week. Tell her I will be busy in work and have a lot of things on during Dec so you want certain things done before before December starts.

Tell your husband to ask his kids what they want from mil and tell him what you want from her. Tell him to ring her and pass on this information because it not your job to sort this out.

I

I think that your mil is cheeky asking you for a list of what you, your dh and your children want for xmas. Meanwhile you have asked her what she wants and is still thinking about this. She has form of accepting a present but a year later she say don't buy me X again.
I would tell her I need a few suggestions of what she like by the end of this week. Tell her I will be busy in work and have a lot of things on during Dec so you want certain things done before before December starts.

Tell your husband to ask his kids what they want from mil and tell him what you want from her. Tell him to ring her and pass on this information because it not your job to sort this out.

I

My DM sends me a bank transfer with an amount for all of us. The older DC prefer cash and I'm happy to buy the little ones something. She does always ask if I'd like money too but I don't really have the heart to say actually I'd like you to make an effort and buy me something with some thought. I'm the easiest person in the world to buy presents for. DP asks what I want too. It makes me feel like I run around trying to think of amazing things for everyone else and no one spends any time trying to doing something nice for me. So I empathise with you, but I suppose it's only one present so it wouldn't be that bad to buy for one person last minute.

Maybe she just wants to make sure you actually like what she buys you?

We sometimes do a reverse Secret Santa. It goes like this:
The buyer of the gift sets a spending limit.
The receiver buys something that that they'd like within that budget and wraps it up.
On Christmas Day the buyer is given the gift and unwraps it to find out what they've bought for the other person.
It means that everyone gets something that they want, everyone has a surprise to unwrap, and one person isn't left with all the buying/wrapping/faff.

Good grief @Bumblebee2022 , you’re not actually going to do this are you?
My MIL has decided that she doesn’t want a list this year, she would like me to buy the presents everyone wants, drop them off to her to wrap before next weekend and then collect them when they are ready so she has something to do before the ‘rush of Christmas’ stats.