Feeling down for a few weeks now - how to snap out of it?

[HollidayHollie]

I'm not sure which section I should put this in but I am feeling down and have felt this way for at least a few weeks. I thought it was hormonal but it hadn't changed. I do see a bit unhappy with work and also questioning my marriage (which isn't bad but I feel like we have no actual relationship, no sex life, but we have busy jobs and a young child).

I wake up and just feel like what's the point. I'm not suicidal and never have been but definitely not getting enjoyment from the things I usually do.

How do I snap out of it??

”snapping out of it” implies ignoring the root cause, and that’s probably not the best strategy.

Do you know why you feel this way? Is it sudden or has it been building for a long time?

Inevitably, could you be menopausal? I know it’s the fashion to blame the menopause for everything but HRT got me back my customary mojo.

The last couple of weeks? I’ll throw the Seasonally Affected Disorder hat into the ring. How’s your Vit D intake?

Might there be a cause e.g. weather, gloomy days, poor sleep?
Cheery music helps me as does keeping busy.

How old are you? Peri menopause likely?

@olderbutwiser @FusionChefGeoff I am late 30s so I don't think it's menapause but I don't know how early it starts! I do suffer with hormones (PMT) but unusually this month it didn't pass when my period came.

I think it is sudden only for the past few weeks.

I am not entirely happy with my relationship and work at the moment so not sure if this is impacting. I have a busy work and home life with a young child and feel like I do a lot of the work including multiple wake ups if the little one doesn't sleep well.

@MooseBeTimeForSnow vitamin d is a good call as I was very low on it in recent years and haven't taken a supplement or any vitamins for a while

@KirstenBlest Music helps me too especially in a morning

What usually brings you joy? What are your typical hobbies? Who are the important people in your life? Can you connect with some friends? Have a change of scenery (day trip) with your DH?

I've been feeling like this for a few weeks.

The constant rain and storms - worrying at times, as we are waiting on a builder to replace a retaining boundry wall who is due to start anytime soon. Caring for my Dad from 100 miles away who, when things happen, can't express the problem verbally. My brother is unwell. My car is letting in water and we can't currently work out why (although it does now have a tarpaulin over it). Mu husband is very good at maintenance but he is also a drama llama so finds stuff needing doing and gets all dramatic over it - I don't like to complain as its good he is addressing stuff I can't, but its annoying that he adds stress when a few hours later he generally finds an answer to.putting it right and the drama goes away.

Whilst there isn't one thing getting me down the damp, dark, cold and generally.miserable days aren't helping.

I.hope Christmas brings some joy when my whole.family are home.with us for a fortnight. Then in the New Year I can look forward to spring.....

Try and work.out the list of issues in your head and see of you can work on any or if they will release slowly as time.passes.

I came on to say 'snapping out of it' is not easy because just like a physical illness like a cold you need to recover when we have changes in our mental health.
So keep up good eating, vitamins, getting outside, trying to improve social interactions and relationships - all the things that are really hard to do when you feel meh are the things that really help.
I found keeping track of how I'm at for five mins a day and writing down a couple of manageable goals for the next day has helped me immensely.
But also getting outside even in rubbish weather is really improving my mental health too- as is eating enough protein every day!
Also wanted to say @Ohmylovejune my car has started doing exactly the same thing this week! Apparently it's common with some cars (ours is a ford focus) and my husband has replaced some sealant (14.99) on the back vents which has started sorting the problem! So have a look on YouTube vids it might be an easier fix than you think xx

@grievinggirlneedsadvice

Thanks. We have YouTubed and currently (after checking drains and seals) are crossing fingers that the extra roof protection we've added will work. I don't expect any sympathy because it's a soft top which is clearly a very impractical choice for the UK. You deserve far more sympathy owning a focus!

Get outside for 30 mins every day.
Take vitamin D (supplement is no substitute for real daylight but better than nothing)
Exercise
Finish your shower with cold water

I agree with PP that a Vit D boost and maybe a SAD lamp are almost essential to keep mood from dipping at this time of year.

All marriages are hard work when children are little. It's the most demanding time. Can you try to reconnect with your DH - book a sitter and do something you used to love doing together - or try something new together - a comedy club or gig - something light and uplifting - a funny play or film. Also do the same with your DC. For me, learning how to have fun as a young family instead of always mourning the loss of the fun I used to have with friends or as a couple, really helped. Going out as a family to take DC on a steam train ride to visit Santa or a farm to pet reindeer and donkeys was fun in its own way.

I find I need lots of small things to look forward to at this time of year. I've booked a carol concert, a gig by some musicians I love, a new play - none of them expensive - but all dates to look forward to.

It helps to have small things to look forward to each day too - buy an easy read uplifting novel and some more luxurious bath products than usual and have a soak once your DC is in bed, or buy ready meals so neither of you has to cook, and watch them in front of a favourite comedian's full-length stand up show. Come up with ideas like this that are just enjoyable treats that you can indulge in every day.

This might not work for everyone but I get a lift from writing bucket lists and sorting them into long term, mid term and things I can do soon, or seasonal bucket lists. Having a plan for the near future, whether it's upgrading your job or redecorating your bedroom, a holiday next year or a return to college once DC start school - these can keep you going during the Groundhog Day grind of life with young children.