Am I taking the piss? I feel shit. (TW - pregnancy loss)

[askmenothing]

Currently writing this from hospital. In the midst of my second loss this year.

I had a 'pregnancy of unknown location' in June/July which I eventually miscarried naturally. I had 6 weeks off work.

I'm currently going through an ectopic pregnancy. Should have been 10 weeks, had methotrexate on Saturday.

Im broken, this baby is much wanted.

Im signed off work for 2 weeks. My work are suggesting I stay off til January (I work in academia so semester 2).

I feel so fucking guilty, I got myself into this situation, I'm letting down my students. I have real issues about all this, not helped by my family.

My DP is being super supportive of whatever I want to do.

Im so fed up, life just feels fucking unfair.

Sorry for your losses

Your employer sounds amazing, take the time. I had 3 weeks off when I had a MMC at 10 weeks, I only passed everything the night before I went back, in hindsight it was the daftest thing to think I could go back. I really wasn't ready, especially with 6 pregnant women in my office!

It takes a lot longer than you think, mentally and physically. But weirdly I found that for at least 3 months after, I picked up every bug, cough, cold illness going, probably because my body was just so drained.

If you are being offered the time, seriously think about taking it. 💗

And you're not letting anyone down. Tell your family to get fucked, they have no clue what you are going through.

Don't underestimate the support your DP may need too. Once I started to feel better, that was when my DH actually started to process everything. He'd not talked about it much while I was recovering, but once I seemed stronger, that's when he needed me.

Sorry for your losses. No you are not taking the piss. Accept the time off. Sending love. X

Take the time. It sounds like you have a really compassionate employer so take them up on the offer and grieve/heal from your losses. Look after yourself.

Don't underestimate the support your DP may need too. Once I started to feel better, that was when my DH actually started to process everything. He'd not talked about it much while I was recovering, but once I seemed stronger, that's when he needed me.

this. Men get through the first few weeks because they're caring for you. This extra time from work will allow you to work through it as a couple once you're physically recovered.

God, thank you so much, I'm in floods at the kindness.

My DP is being incredible and I said to his mum and his bro that im worried he's looking after me and not himself, he's definitely not the 'talk about it' sort of man.

My work are so supportive, I'm very lucky, I think a lot of it is my family, who are mainly angry at me for trying to get pregnant because 'I have a good life and a job job and I'm going to ruin it' and have zero sympathy about what I'm going thorough,

This is my dad, my mum is dead, although she would have been the same if not worse. Im in my late 30's and I have an amazing daughter who I parent well, so I don't know where it all comes from,

I'm so sorry OP, what terrible news. You are at the centre of your life, though - work is just one part of it. You have done fantastically well to get an academic post and I can imagine how much past commitment it represents, but you also need to be committed to your health and to your ability to be content and at peace. Your work is being sensible and not suggesting anything extraordinary, and you don't want to rack up an emotional debt that will spill out at a later point when they're not so on board with your taking time off. I hope the time away will help you

This is weirdly the same as me. Miscarriage at roughly 10 weeks end of March and the amount of illnesses I have had has been rediculous.

OP you may not take long to feel physically better but Mentally I am still not 100% which is probably because I likely can't get pregnant again without IVF. Take the offer.

@ginandtonicwithlimes it was the lovely EPU nurse that recommended I take a liquid iron supplement and an additional multivitamin. She said your body will be so wiped out after a miscarriage, you just pick everything up. I still got various coughs and colds, but possibly not as much as I would have done.

I just took the weekend off with my losses and I deeply regret it. I found my losses traumatising but didn't acknowledge the impact at the time. My advice is to take the time off, process your feelings and wait until you're in a good frame of mind before trying again (for your sake).

Fwiw - I found having a healthy pregnancy, after my two consecutive losses, incredibly healing. I hope you experience the same.

Yeah I should have had some of that perhaps! It was a very heavy blood loss (going through a pad instantly for a little bit).

Weirdly, while I was in the EPU i mentioned some symptoms I'm having and it turns out I've got an infection too at the moment. Which is probably not helping. Some amazing advice, thank you. I feel a bit better about taking the time I need.

I’m so sorry 💐 ❤️ today marks two years since finding out I’d miscarried at 12wk scan. Hope you are doing better very soon.

I would accept your work’s kindness and take all the time you need ❤️ You have been through something devastating again, so please don’t feel guilty. Awful things happen and people need time off to get through. I know things may seem so rubbish right now but I promise brighter days are to come xxx