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Contacting long lost father.

4 replies

Username1357924680444 · 21/11/2023 17:46

My mum and bio dad split before I was born and my step dad has brought me up since birth. I have met my bio dad and siblings briefly when I was a child but it caused a lot of arguments between my mum and step dad and mum and bio dad so contact stopped and that was that. I have now found my bio dad on social media and I'm toying with the idea of contacting him but I'm not sure if I should. Has anyone else contacted a bio parent that they've had no contact with for over 20 years? How did it go? Was it worth it?

OP posts:
Squiggles23 · 21/11/2023 18:02

Ohh I absolutely would if I was you OP! I would be so curious and want to meet your other siblings.

It could go either way and depends on the circumstances. However, if you don’t reach out you won’t know I guess so the question will always be there.

DancesWithDucks · 21/11/2023 18:04

If you go ahead, think though the possible results carefully. Contacting a parent goes so deep and it's not often that it's an easy thing. If it goes wrong, it can cut very deep.

A lot of it will come down to what are you expecting from contact?

A joyous reunion?
Mild curiosity?
A sense of belonging and being wanted?
Hoping for something from it? (no judgement here).

Things to think about - what will you do if he
Rejects you?
Wants a lot of contact? (it's not always as easy as you might think, if you're very different people)
Doesn't act like a father, more like an acquaintance?
Turns out to be someone you don't really like?
Turns out to be someone you do really like? (that one's easier :) )

Rejection by a long lost father can hurt a lot, even when you don't think you expect much from him. It can stay. Other people can brush it off, so again, think about what you want from this.

Sometimes people meet their parent once, and that's all they need.

Cautiously, I'd say go for it but be aware of yourself, and that things can go well but can go wrong.

My bio. father has rejected me four times now. It does hurt, I won't hide it. I would have liked a distant but friendly relationship like I have with my half-sisters from bio. mother's side, but it won't happen. His wishes are very clear, but on my side now the door is closed as well. No point putting your heart into a meat grinder.

I hope it works out well for you. Sometimes it does.

Username1357924680444 · 21/11/2023 19:04

I think I'm considering it out of mild curiosity and for some answers really. I remember he was sweet and kind but then he just disappeared. I would also quite like to meet my siblings again. I look more like them then my siblings from mum but I wonder about personalities nature/nurture. I am worried for my children I don't want them to meet and bond then him dissappear again so I would probably not let them meet for a while if at all.

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DancesWithDucks · 21/11/2023 19:17

It sounds like you're going into it with your eyes open, so why not? :)

Wise to protect your children though.

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