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Original poster

My toddler prefers her dad :(

14 replies

PlumpShady · 20/11/2023 17:33

I am lucky enough to have a happy, healthy toddler and a very hands on DH. I know I should be grateful but this is really getting me down Sad

Like I said, DH is super hands on. He and I do pretty much everything equally (childcare, housework, actual work etc) but he is just so much funnier and more animated than me and DD is at the stage at the moment where she just laps it all up and just wants to be around him all the time. I'm so so glad they have such an amazing relationship and I love watching them together, but her desire to be with him is now seeping into everything to the point where if I'm holding her and her dad comes into the room she will hold her arms out to him and cry if she has to stay with me.

Last night she was crying in the night and when I went in to her she was upset that it wasn't Daddy and wouldn't let me pick her up and comfort her.

She has even started pushing me away and saying things like no daddy do it, daddy go with me. It's breaking my heart!

I think I'm a good mum although I'm a lot busier with work than DH at the moment so more of the day to day stuff is falling to him.

The only thing she wants me for still is bedtime, she will only let me put her to bed and gets really upset if DH tries to. I'm just waiting for the day where she decides she wants him for that too. I feel like a spare part Sad

DH says I'm being silly and she loves me but I'm just so glum about it all. Any advice??

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 20/11/2023 17:36

My DD was way more into her dad than me when she was 1-2. I had her every afternoon though and he saw her more at weekends so if we were all together she'd go to him. It did upset me at the time but now she's more about me. I mean she spends time with us both equally and loves us both equally but she defaults more to me.

Mamato29192 · 20/11/2023 17:36

Totally normal. She'll be all for you and it'll keep switching between yous x

Original poster
PlumpShady · 21/11/2023 17:27

Thank you - hopefully it is a phase. She called for DH again in the night last night and I was able to just roll over and go to sleep while he went to her which was nice I suppose!

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Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 21/11/2023 17:32

She’s a toddler and this is pretty typical toddler behaviour. If you react she’ll probably do it more. Try not to take it to heart, you could be the favourite in a few weeks time.

GreatGateauxsby · 21/11/2023 17:35

Welcome to the club…

it’s a phase.
it’s hard but don’t take it personally…

Sceptre86 · 21/11/2023 18:28

My youngest is the same, she's 2. If daddy is present she wants him, which is fine for me as I've got 2 other kids to deal with. Whenever she's ill she wants me (as do they all). Last week she was awake from 1.30am-4am and only wanted mummy. Dd1 was also similar at this age but is over it now. She still has a soft spot for her daddy but it's fine as ds loves me best and says so openly.

Joking aside try not to take it to heart. It's often just a phase.

ThreeRingCircus · 21/11/2023 18:36

Exactly the same with my DDs.

They went through stages (some of them pretty long!) wanting either me or their dad more.

It really is a phase and will pass. I'd say now they're a little older (6 and 4) they tend to want us equally but for different things. If they want someone to play with, they want their dad but if they're ill or upset they want me. Bedtime we do equally and I'd advise you try to do the same (you're going to want to be able to get DH to do bedtime and you go out with friends at some point.)

Try not to take it to heart and remember it's lovely that she is close to her dad.

DuploTrain · 21/11/2023 18:41

My DS the opposite, I’m usually his favourite. DH came home the other day and DS screamed at him to go back to work 😳

However I have been on the receiving end of it at times too. If they’re playing something together and I come in DS sometimes tells me to go away. It is upsetting to be the less preferred one.

But I do also find it really difficult being flavour of the month… DS will literally cling to me and won’t even stay with DH so I can go to the toilet on my own.. he just cries and runs after me and screams at me to pick him up (he’s 2.5 and very heavy).

Tiny little dictators.

CarolMorgan · 18/12/2023 19:22

I could have written your message myself. Deep down I worry that DH is more “fun” and that the favoritism is deserved.

It seems so petty to keep score, but then again, why else did I have a kid? I want a loving two-way relationship. Otherwise I’d just sponsor a stranger’s kid in Ghana.

FractiousPangolin · 18/12/2023 19:32

When my eldest was a toddler, DH would get her ready for bed while I was cooking dinner, then carry her into the kitchen for a goodnight kiss from me. She would take one look at me, stick out her hand, and shout "Back!". Same thing if I went to her when she called out in the night - hand came shooting out from between the cot bars! DH tried to make light of it but I found it so hurtful.

Now she is ten and slightly mortified whenever we tell the story, but we do all laugh about it together. It was definitely a phase.

FractiousPangolin · 18/12/2023 19:34

(and it didn't take us 9 years to get to this stage, btw!)

OP, you have all my sympathy. Toddlers are so unreasonable.

thecatsthecats · 18/12/2023 21:39

I'm not there yet, but I was APPALLED when I went out for an hour for a birthday treat leaving my two month old with daddy, and he DIDN'T EVEN MISS ME.

But really it's lovely for my husband, who has mostly been sidelined up to then, in spite of putting in the miles.

caringcarer · 18/12/2023 22:26

My DD did this as a DC until she got to about 9 or 10 then suddenly it was Mum Mum Mum all the time. As an adult she's far closer to me than to her Dad.

mammaCh · 11/02/2024 14:05

My youngest is 6 and often shouts at her dad to go away, tell him she loves melummy the most, pulls disgusted faces when he tries to comfort her when upset.
It breaks his heart, he is an amazing daddy but she wants Mumma always. Some kids just have strong favourites I guess.

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