DC's friends have 0 boundaries

[Chilottane]

My DC who is an only child has recently become friends with some kids in the immediate neighbourhood which I'm really pleased with as it's nice for him to have some friends who are just next door.

The trouble is that these kids seem to have no boundaries whatsoever - they just turn up at any point during the day (any time at weekends or after school) and if I say X can't play right now they don't take no for an answer, just keep pushing it. If they're in my house they do things like open my fridge and help themselves to whatever is in there, if I'm in my bedroom they will just waltz into my bedroom and ask if I will play a game with them etc. It's not that I mind them being in there or having food from the fridge, but I have always taught my DC that they must ask to do these things in other people's houses. If we leave the front door unlocked they will just open the door and come in.

They are 8 and 10. Normal or not? I don't know if my expectations are unrealistic.

Not normal ! I'd be saying firmly "please ask in future" or "don't come into this room"

Why are you glad your child has made friends with these people? They are not going to be a good influence.

I would try to back away and do not let them in your home. If they are this rude now, it'll only get worse.

Not normal in the slightest! Even when my kids have invited friends round they know now to go into my room and I would be amazed if they just helped themselves to food.

I never would have dared behave like that, because I was brought up properly with decent manners. I'd be concerned if they are a good influence/from decent families

I know the parents and they're lovely.

They're not horrible or stroppy; if I ask them not to do something they stop immediately, but they do the same thing again next time.

It's not normal behaviour but nor is yours.

Never in a whole month of Sundays would anyone be entering my home without my permission and helping themselves to anything.

This is also the responsibility of your child to make sure this does not happen.

Have a word with him but you can't expect him to be strict with them when you are not.

I have dc similar ages and they would not do this. They don't ask for anything actually and wait to be offered. They would never go into a parents room without permission. It's nothing I did in particular but I guess they picked it up by watching us. The only place they ask for food or anything is my mums and home.

The lovely parents have funny child rearing rules

I don't let them do this, I pull them up on it. My DC has ASD and struggles socially so isn't very good at standing up for himself; I always closely supervise him with others for that exact reason.

If the parents are lovely, explain that you’re finding their kids behaviour troublesome, and you will be enforcing rules in your home. If they don’t like it, they can keep their brats kids at home.

The neighbourhood DC troop through our house, although probably more so in summer.

They don’t really go upstairs, certainly if they came anywhere near my bedroom I would tell them that’s not ok. You say you’ve done this and they keep repeating it? Explain to your DC there are house rules and he needs to tell his friends they can’t do that.

I had one neighbour DC ask for biscuits the other day. I lied/ said we had none and he replied- oh you do! I can show you! Pointing at the cupboard 😂

You said...

If they're in my house they do things like open my fridge and help themselves to whatever is in there

So I took that to be true.

They are taking the piss, and I bet their parents would be mortified that they are behaving like that in your home.

Keep your front door locked. If kids know they can just get in without knocking, burglars will too. Make rules clear, by telling them "if you want anything from the fridge ask me first" or "don't go in X room" if they break the rule more than once, they don't come round anymore (can give more than one chance, but you get the idea). Simple.

You're not being unreasonable.
My siblings and I were good friends with the kids next door when we were growing up. Our respective parents became friends too. There was a gap in the hedge so we essentially had one big garden and we'd spend the holidays and weekends in and out of each others homes. It was fantastic.
That said, none of us kids (from either family) would dream of taking food from the fridge, going in parents' bedrooms, or attempting to play in the house or garden of our neighbours if they had guests or just said they were busy. We also respected the different rules in each others homes. My house was a 'shoes off' household, for example. My friends' mum would tick me and my siblings off if we disrespected her rules, and my mum would do the same to our friends.
I agree it's nice that your child has friends who live very close by - I have the best memories of my childhood because of the way we had one big, secure, play space. But there are boundaries. Speak to your son and let him know that his friends have to respect your home - and he needs to remind them of what your rules are. Let his pals know too - you don't need to tell them off, but do make it clear what your boundaries are - they might well be different from the ones their parents set.
And, if it persist, have a friendly word with the parents just to let them know that little Jimmy and little Billy are a bit persistent - would they mind helping to manage their expectations about when your DC can play?

You need to be firm. Say they're not to do xyz and if they do, they can't come round again.