The more the merrier?

[Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong]

I am a sociable outgoing person so naturally enough so are most of my friends. When I was young I was always open to joining my pals when they were with other friends, so had a large circle of friends and acquaintances, most of which disappeared when kids came along.

I'm mid 40s now and my social life is very structured due to childcare issues and geography. For example I have a group I do an overnight with in March, a group that host a BBq with kids in August etc. These commitments work for everyone and I see most friends twice a year or more if I can.

There is one group of 3 couples where we always meet at Christmas. This is usually an expensive restaurant and turns into a big boozy night. It's the 'Christmas night out', the one I buy the outfit for and usually organised in October. We meet in the city travelling from 3 different parts of the county. I've been really looking forward to it but my friend has now invited another person to join in and it's someone I don't particularly like. My pal probably doesn't know this but she didn't check with anyone and just added this woman to a WhatsApp group and invited her on our behalf. She's not a stranger, we know her well and would have been friends with a few of the group many years ago.

I am absolutely raging over this and I'm really disappointed. Dh doesn't like this woman much either, but doesn't care too much. But the way things work we usually end up with a boy/ girl division as the night goes on and I was so looking forward to the 3 of us girls having a proper catch up.

I know nothing can be done but suck it up but I'm curious, would you guys also feel this way or am I turning into a grumpy anti social old woman??

Nah I'd be fine about it unless there was some terrible, awful history between us.

Whats the problem does this other woman not visit the toilets as much as you and the other regulars?

I think I know what you mean and would feel the same

It would change the dynamic of the evening for a start. Is this woman newly single? Does she know that there will be three couples there?

I'd hate it but I've always been uptight and antisocial, so....

I'd just remember that you've probably been this person for someone else over the years.

We all have various friends from other places, it's strange to suddenly invite an extra! I have a pal who is going through a rough time and could do with a night out but i wouldn't bring her to this type of gathering. I dont think its appropriate. If it was a meet up in the pub it would be different.

There is nothing wrong with this woman really, she just is quite vocal and tends to take over a bit. Which wouldn't bother me in a bigger group, but I find her a bit full on. Also I know my other pal (not the one who invited her) tends to go quiet among stronger personalities. Plus I really don't want 'what age are your kids' or 'where do you work' type questions, not when with old pals.

I wouldn't be delighted but I'd try and embrace it. I don't think the friend who invited her sees the night to be as special and exclusive as you do, so wouldn't have thought to check with anyone, especially as you all know her well.

I don’t blame you AT ALL. This would really annoy me. I would see what the other couples think and if you’re all in agreement maybe you could reschedule for another time?

No this would annoy me as well. It's a set event that you have done for a number of years, friend should have asked before increasing the numbers.

Also - and I know I'm going to get shot for this - it's a couples events and now the dynamic is off.