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Oh thinks he was sexually abused as a child

8 replies

Howtohelp1990087612u · 19/11/2023 12:42

Name changed for this as I don't want it linked with other posts.

Last night my oh told me that as a child, aged between 9 and 12 that on a couple of occasions his step dad was inappropriate..

The first time, his mum had gone for a bath and step dad showed him a porn video on his phone.

Then again, whilst on holiday ohs mum went to use the bathroom and step dad called oh over to him and started telling him what sexual things he had done with ohs mum including anal sex for no reason.

On another occasion oh was 12 at this point and had genital pain, told his mum who then sent step dad in to find out what was up and had to show him his penis...

He has told me that he also used to say he'd drop oh off to school because he liked to look at all the school girls and would then park up and start making comments about school girls!!

It seems to have all flooded back to him as we now have 2 children off similar ages to what he was and he has said he thinks it was really wierd behaviour because he would never dream of behaving in that way.

We are none contact with them now but I suppose I'm looking for advice on if this would be classed as sexual abuse or something else? It all just sound really innaropriate and wierd behaviour from a grown man

OP posts:
FourStringsNoWaiting · 19/11/2023 12:44

I'm sorry this happened to your OH. There are charities who can offer support for people who have had such experiences, it doesn't matter how long ago or whether he's reported it or not (I used to work for one such charity)

He can reach out whenever he's ready

jackstini · 19/11/2023 13:50

It was abuse
So sorry this happened to him. Sounds like he may need some counselling to talk it through

murasaki · 19/11/2023 13:55

I'd believe him, and yes, counselling may be a good idea. Poor man, having it flood back must be very distressing.

CuteAsDuck · 19/11/2023 14:05

Awful your OH experienced this.

Agree with previous posters some professional support and counselling may be helpful when he's ready,

There is often a trigger point for victims of abuse when their own children reach the same age. I'm sure it's been very difficult for him.

Hope you are ok too OP, not an easy conversation for you either.

Howtohelp1990087612u · 19/11/2023 15:58

Yes I think this is it, one minute he was fine and the next he was crying. It just makes me sick that someone acted like that and has basically gotten away with it x

OP posts:
CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 19/11/2023 15:59

Yes, at least most of that is a sexual offence. Don’t think it’s a crime to look at schoolgirls. I don’t think there is a statute of limitations on SA either.

Howtohelp1990087612u · 19/11/2023 16:21

No I know its not an offence but surely inappropriate for somebody in their 40s to be eyeing up children on their way to school. Unfortunately I don't think oh is likely to do anything or say anything about it all because he feels too embarrassed to speak about it, even in counselling x

OP posts:
CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 19/11/2023 16:23

I’m sorry :( I agree with you about the schoolgirls. Unfortunately all I have to offer is legal knowledge. Super hard position for you both to be in.

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