It really shouldn’t hurt my heart but it does

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Basically, the man who raped me, is hugely successful. As is his wife. She does marvellous things, they are marvellously wealthy, and I suspect, very genuinely happy. He attacked me in my youth, I’m middle aged now. His treatment of me, derailed my development; I’m doing well (not in a monetary sense) but not like ‘they are’. My heart is sore tonight and I’m hurting. Any advice? Please be tolerant. I know I’m being stupid!

She does marvellous things for the NHS, fighting it’s corner. I wonder how someone hurt me so badly, but has loved her so well, that she is a distinguished NHS expert with children and a ‘massive job’. Rape is a terrible thing. I doubt many ‘loved’ wives know they are the sequence to trauma of others.

Ps. Sorry venting: I’m pissed of being a victim of rape tonight: and watching men get away with it. That’s it really. A fucking sorry wouldn’t have gone amiss!

I am successful and until I made the difficult decision to divorce my husband, no one knew what I was enduring at home. Don’t judge their private life from their public appearance.

I’m so very sorry for what he did to you.

I am sooooo hurt.

and I’m sorry you’ve suffered too. That’s crap. Hugs.

His wife sounds amazing; I’m jealous he has likely handled her with care; as with his children. You’re right though. I don’t know for a fact that he has been fabulous to them, just because they’re rich and outwardly successful.

i am still a little angry because he literally f.&cked me over.

I’ve mostly forgiven him but seeing his families success can sting. I’m only human: and rape is a destructive, deeply traumatic weapon. How can men go on to marry educated women, yet do bad things beforehand? I’m sad. She’ll never know what she married. Yet I live with the consequences.

I'm quite uncomfortable going into too much detail here, but successful people frequently have terrible home lives. It can be a driver of success and Marital rape happens. It can be just as hard for these people to leave as they don't want to be seen as victims. So don't judge her. She may have built up her persona to protect herself. With her "perfect" life, people may not even believe her. Or he might have changed/ had therapy...

However, what is clear is that you need help and support. Rape can affect people many years after. I had counselling for nearly 10 years on and off, but my feelings have fully recovered now for many years. I'd strongly suggest you get help. Your gp may help with more general help e.g. cbt, compassion-focused therapy. But firstly I'd contact a local rape crisis charity such as yellow door. Then when finished do the more general therapy if needed.

I can understand how you feel OP. I am so sorry.

Did you ever report your rape OP, or have anyone to share this with in person? Whether you did or have perhaps you need some support to cope with this. He doesn’t deserve the rest of your life.

Thank you.
I tried to get help and lived in the wrong postcode when I phoned: go figure.
ill try again: because, I know you’re right, but seeing that I still have value among that, is so so hard: I’m jealous of their supposed success. But you’re right, I don’t know the truth.

He just pisses me off. Mostly I’m ok, then I’ll feel like the same young women he victimised: what a fucker: sorry but he was a fucker. He’s sooo bloody successful now too - how?! Just how?!

He isn’t successful. He’s a rapist and the lowest of the low. Imagine what kind of psychopath you have to be and how far gone you have to be as a human being to rape someone. I suspect you are not the only victim of this vile man. His wife is not successful because she married a cruel vicious rapist and not only that she had children with this monster. What does that say about her. If you are capable of rape you cannot switch that off or hide all the time who you truly are. I am so sorry you didn’t get justice. You deserve it.

I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that but please try to get someone to talk to now as it will help you get through the times when you feel like this and I know that sometimes when it all comes back to you the counselling will help you to be able to get through the hard times a little bit easier.
Do not waste your time thinking about them and what they have as she could also not be happy in her personal life hence why she is successful in her working life. Once a pig always a pig and he cannot have changed that much and he has to live with himself.
Please reach out and get some support and hope you are ok and talking to someone will help to ease the pain and feelings you have as it must be just awful.

I agree with pp that no matter how successful he & his wife seem that he is still a rapist & he knows it. Also I think it’s incredibly unlikely that he has completely changed. Who knows what goes on in their marriage. I am so sorry this happened to you OP- it isn’t fair. Have you heard of Rape Crisis? I know they offer counselling.