Advice

[Rita2016]

Does anyone else’s partner like to constantly remind them how they are the ones paying the bills?? I’ve just gone back to work full time after 7years and paying nursery fees full time so as you can imagine most of my wages go on that so what am I really left with sod all- I pay for everything for the kids after school club etc clothes food shopping petrol and if I’m lucky I might buy myself a top if I have some money left over- before the kids I was paying bills too never ever thrown it in his face that I pay bills or I pay for this and that… just feel so sad today 😞😞.

He’s a shit.

Yes he is your right

Have you told him how it makes you feel when he says this?

And you are either providing the childcare so he can earn it or funding the childcare so he can earn it.

How about he funds or provides it and you'll pay the bills?

Yes it’s not the first time he’s said it- when he has it I just explain what I spend my money on and basically makes out like he’s so hard done.. like I’m not stupid if I could help pay for something I would but what I near enough earn goes on fees.. to help bring costs down slightly I’ve had to take my son out of nursery one day and make do with him being at home while I work

Amen to that!

I stayed home with our kids for years and when I returned to work, my OH made 6 or 7 times more than me, but we pooled all money and he has never one time made reference that his money pretty much pays for everything. He has always told me how much he appreciates what I did on the home front that allowed him to make the money. He knows it wouldn’t have been possible if I didn’t sacrifice.

Before I had the kids I paid around helped etc since having kids I’m the one who’s had to pay for childcare so I can work.. he knew all this before having kids that we will have to pay for nursery etc as we don’t have any help with the kids..

Unfortunately my husband has never been like that- always argued since having kids about money what he pays for what stress he is under.. how much I earn etc

You don't have to live like this, and you should absolutely want better for yourself. Fuck him. What a pathetic excuse for a man.

Does he have any good points at all?

I just think why would you even say that to your wife ? Like I’m not sitting at home not working or having such a wonderful life where I am buying and wasting my money on clothes or makeup etc things like that- soon as I get paid it goes on fees after school club food travel things for the kids petrol food etc

It’s really hard got two young kids it’s like when things are really good it’s good but when you make stupid comments like that it’s like what for? I’ve only been working full time for the last 4 months now.. before was part time while I looked after the kids

The way I’m feeling right now no..

Your husband has zero respect for you. I read hope you're actively making a backup plan because your marriage is doomed.

That’s abysmal treatment of you. It’s all about him isn’t it: you’re just the person who carried, gave birth to and cared for his children whilst sacrificing your career and saving tens of thousands of pounds of childcare. In addition to keeping a home going and enabling him to get in with his career. And for what?

i could not stand to stay in a marriage in which I was literally treated like a second class citizen. You are right to feel monumentally insulted, unloved and disrespected. I cannot think of any way in which you would not be better off by leaving him and obtaining a divorce.

I know what you mean, I fully appreciate and understand that he pays the bills and I know it’s hard but he earns so much more than me, I just don’t understand in a marriage how can you say it to your wife- so you paying the bills doesn’t thT mean your Keeping hot water on for your kids heating etc

I was going to leave last summer and he literally begged for me to stay with kids I just had enough of the constant blame and he never looked at everything else around him- like I’m the one who’s had the kids and haven’t been able to even work properly for years and have no proper income like how does that make someone feel and I hated the fact I had to ask him for money