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Teenager space in home

2 replies

Eurghkids · 18/11/2023 12:36

DD just turned 12. I’m struggling with the new independence -take me back to when she was 3!

She’s got her first “boyfriend” 🤮 and a lovely group of friends, having just started year 7. She’s still passionate about her hobbies thankfully, which are time consuming so naively thought this may hinder her a bit in terms of boyfriends and roaming the streets with mates.

Talking with my friend, we were discussing our own upbringing. She felt her dads had done a great job- she described them as strict but an open door policy- they had a big games room and everyone was welcome all the time. Kept her at home and under watchful eye but allowed her all the social time she wanted etc she describes her home as warm and welcoming and busy.

frankly I hate the idea of a busy home, but…

I’ve been ruminating on this and we technically have a garden room/office I could give to this cause if we do a loft extension and reconsider space. DD says she’s not interested and would prefer to be out with her mates not at ours, even if it’s a independent space away from main home.

but would this change? She’s only just recently exploring the local area and meeting friends outside of arranged stuff that I would have previously organised when she was at primary so it’s all new and fresh for us both.

id love your thoughts- both on what you think your parents did right and whether I should try and go down this route myself, in hopes she opts to be the place her friends come to rather than out all the time etc

OP posts:
Changednayme · 18/11/2023 12:39

She’s 12 not 17

Franklet · 18/11/2023 12:55

I think an open door policy only works if it's an extension of how the household works anyway.

My family home was like this growing up. My parents friends (Inc their kids) were always popping round, we had an assortment of lodgers and family members staying with us at various times, so me and my brothers friends were just added into the mix when we reached that kind of age. We didn't have dedicated space. Had a kitchen/dinner with a sofa in it and used our bedrooms. We also spent time at friends houses and roaming the streets tbh.

DH is much less sociable, so our house doesn't really work the same way.

She's only 12, she'll change so much and so fast it's not worth doing a load of building work to anticipate something that doesn't appeal to either you or her.

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