I'm on my own with the kids tonight. Got everybody ready for bed then gave my two older two a chocolatey cereal that I let them have on a Friday night or Saturday morning. It's called Krave. Pure sugar and additives but it's part of their weekend routine and they look forward to it.
I was sending my friend a voice message when my 22 month old started asking for some of the Kraves. In my absolute stupidity I pour out a handful (dry) into a little bowl. She stood munching on them. It crossed my mind that they are a choking hazard and for some reason that thought went out of my mind at once. I'm a choking freak, have done training on it and cut everything into a million pieces. But tonight I disregarded common sense and pottered around our small apartment, leaving a voice note for my friend while doing some bits and bobs.
Next thing I heard an alright cry and the toddler comes to me distressed and gagging, then coughing. I realised that while she had been standing in the livingroom with her bowl of Kraves, and my other kids were in the adjoining kitchen and I was in the bedroom (8 steps away from the living room, I just counted!) she must have started to choke.
I wasn't there. Anything could have happened. I endangered my baby by giving her something unsuitable so I could get a minute to send my friend a message, then left her unsupervised. I was only out of the room for about 2 minutes, door open, older two in adjoining room with door open but honestly.
How could I have been so stupid? Feeling like I don't deserve my children tonight.
Not sure why I'm posting but just getting it off my chest. Not looking sympathy either.
Can't believe I'm such an idiot.