Please tell me this is out of order

[Snuggleyou]

Hi first time poster here.
just wanted some advice for my SIL as she’s in two minds what to do about my 13yo niece who recently came home from school in a right state. Apparently, one of her middle aged male teachers made very personal comments, shaming her appearance in-front of the whole class. He said she was “an ugly duckling who probably wouldn’t grow into a swan” as you can imagine she is distraught and hesitant to return to his class and thinks her peers think she is a ‘joke’ she already suffers with low self esteem made worse by a male pupil screaming “ugly” at her in corridors etc whilst teachers just ignore what they see. My heart breaks for her and I fear she is heading down a very depressed road. My sister is in two minds how to approach the school as she is quite low on confidence herself and is worried excuses will be made and it will all be brushed under the rug to protect the schools reputation. Niece has been off sick since it happened so school don’t have a clue yet other than those involved in the classroom.
Advice much appreciated 🙏

Can she write a letter to the head teacher and also any head of pastoral care.

Keep it unemotional but clear. Something like:

My daughter has been off school with illness for 5 days. This has given me time to reflect on an event which distressed her enormously the day before she fell ill, and which continues to distress her profoundly. So I regret that i must make a formal complaint about Mr Obnox and expect the school to take this complaint seriously. It constitutes the public ridicule and bullying of a young female pupil by a middle aged male teacher.

Then outline the event: DD was comforting a fellow pupil who was upset about X, when Mr O said, in front of the whole class "Quote his exact words."

I am sure you don't need me to tell you how deeply it affects a young girl's self esteem and sense of self worth to be publicly called ugly by someone in authority. His behaviour also legitimises bullying by others, and later that day a boy in her class called her 'Ugly'.

Do you condone this behaviour? If not, please contact me to discuss how you will hold Mr o to account and what steps you will take to ensure DD feels safe and accepted by staff and peers at school in the future, so she can regain confidence and focus on her studies.

well, there are not enough teachers to go round, so there are many adults who are not teachers teaching in schools

No he’s a seasoned language teacher I’m afraid.

Well in your shoes I would get the niece to write it down herself. If she won't, then think twice about contacting the school.