How to have handled this man in Tesco

[Night409]

I went to Tesco earlier.
I only needed a handful of things so I went directly to them, instead of wondering up and down the aisles.

There was a man walking down the centre of the aisle looking at either side.
I needed something at the end of the aisle, so tried walking past him.

When I got to him he would walk on, then if I went to the left he’d go left and block me and then I’d go right and he’d go right to block me again.
I said excuse me and tried to get past him but he’d quickly go in front of me.

He definitely saw me because he’d put his head down pretending to look at the shelves but look at me at the side of eye.

At first I thought he was joking but there was no smiling or anything.
I thought perhaps he was trying to hit on me and I wasn’t in the mood, so I pretended I hadn’t noticed.

I stopped and pretended to look at something and he stopped.
Then when I moved he moved in front of me.
He wasn’t smiling or trying to be funny.

I then took something off the shelf and went back the other way.
Then I went to a different aisle and he did it again.

In the end I pretended to look at a product, so he pretended to look at something and then I quickly pushed past him and said oops sorry.

I seem to get hit on a lot when I go shopping recently (does cold weather = desperate men?) and it annoys me so I just keep my head down, do my shopping and leave but I don’t even think this man was hitting on me, I think he was just being a dick but I don’t know why!

I’m really annoyed with myself that I let it happen but I’m not sure what I should have done or said.

What would you have done or said?

Would you have given him the satisfaction of a reaction or tried to ignore him like I did?

I wish I had the balls for that!! 🤣

No I don’t think he was trying to hit on me.

I thought he might be at first or making a joke (trying to find a reason for his behaviour) but he wasn’t smiling or laughing and he wouldn’t even look directly at me.

It was like he was angry but I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I use what I call 'dutchess mode', when I draw myself up to my full height and announce 'MAY I HELP YOU?' in a loud voice (also known as 'Sybil mode' for Pratchett fans).

It helps that I'm about 180cm, so a bit taller than average, but mostly that people like this don't anticipate a challenge so inevitably back down when you present one.

Keep it in your back pocket for future reference.

A man behind me once groped my arse in a bus queue when I was 18, and without taking a breath I stepped back on his toes. Unusually for me, and unfortunately for him I was wearing heels and was about ten stone even then - I heard a suppressed cry of pain behind me as I got on the bus.

This is why it's always best to take a trolley. Do not underestimate them as a weapon.

@Night409 You did great. His weird, controlling actions were designed to intimidate you and put you in your place. You showed him you weren't having it. Well done.

From childhood, girls are conditioned to be polite and not react. We get called hormonal, crazy and bitches if we do. F*ck it!

Next time, you scream in his face and let him deal with the fall out!

If I had the time I'd have done it deliberately more and more outrageously with a fixed mad grin on my face and staring at him, possibly starting to sing a Christmas tune out loud very out of tune while doing so. Started calling him directions like I was in a dance class with him; "GOOD, NOW LEFT WITH ME! YES NOW TO THE RIGHT! AND PLIE! OOOH TOO BAD I CAN SEE YOUR PILES ARE PREVENTING YOU FROM DOING THAT TODAY. NOW LET'S TAKE A BREATHER BEFORE THE FOXTROT..."

(I didn't say it was a good idea, but out-weirding the weirdo is quite an enjoyable thing to do)

I would have pulled out my phone and said ok, dickhead, so you want to be a tik-tok creepy weirdo star, let's do it!

I would have thought "uh oh, weirdo alert with potential MH issues" and just got out of his way. I wouldn't have said sorry or anything to him, but would've avoided all eye contact and thought he was a total oddball.

My best Glaswegian would’ve come out despite being away for years.

Joking aside, you did the right thing. You just don’t know what’s going on in some people’s minds when they are acting strangely. Better safe than sorry.

I would have told a security guard that a wierdo was blocking me from the isles and described him.

He should have been wscorted off the premisis by security.

I'd like to pretend I'm a Billy Big Bollocks and would have asked him if he had a problem I could help him with, but reality I would have done exactly what you did.

I was annoyed at myself for walking away and not saying or doing anything about it.

With people like that OP it's best to walk away. You don't know how they're going to react. There's some right crazies out there.

Yesterday I saw some guy ranting in a loud voice at a police woman in the street. She just stood there, didn't react. Had her walkie-talkie out though, or whatever they're called nowadays.

Always good to give a heads-up to security in these situations when leaving the store.

If you feel strongly enough, go back and tell them when this happened. Supermarkets are riddled with CCTV in case of theft so that will defo be on camera.

They WILL look into it as he is making your shopping experience a negative one. He could also gave harrassed other shoppers more timid than thou. Think of it as your good deed for the day.

@AffIt That is brilliant!

Me too

I would not give him the satisfaction of your attention or speaking to him. You handled it fine. Ignoring us a self defence method and v powerful, it stops escalation in most circumstances I had this in a train recently but it was staring, and he was flicking a pen knife type thing continually. I just ignored him, it’s not worth my effort. Myself and my dd are martial arts trained, but we have so far never had to floor anyone, as this is for defence only.

I think men like this do it as a power play. They don't like there is more equality for women now than there was, so this type of small but aggressive act is their way of making themselves feel more important by trying to intimidate.

I once saw this bloke in the middle of aisle and I could not get past on one side so moved past him the other and he muttered at me that I was 'cutting him off on the inside' I looked at him like 'idiot' and walked off.

I’d have probably (accidentally of course) clipped him on the ribs or ankles with my shopping trolley, extra points if he tripped up. I’m clumsy enough for it to be a real accident, so sorry, these trolleys are so hard to control. (But do be very careful in future!) 😉

Clobber him with a wire basket if it happens again. Your choice of style.

I channel Anne Robinson at her most scathing, Weakest Link.

I wouldn't have left it long enough to have this dancing around and picking up products. I'm terrible for stepping in the direction the other person is stepping, but this man sounds ridiculous. Three steps would be my limit then I'd do a little sigh and go down another aisle to get to the other end of the aisle I wanted.

Not sure what the cold weather is doing to men in your area. The first signs of spring bring out the horny men here!

Do you really think so? That's quite scary if so

Unless he really is mentally unwell it seems like an attention seeking/ power thing, akin to the shitting man (remember that thread)? Some weird men around, and agree with pps pretending to report into your phone. You don't really want to speak directly with someone acting like that, too risky.

This made me snort