School incident *trigger warning for sexual assault*

[Muddyandwet]

A few days ago DD8 came home very upset. It took a little while for her to tell me what had happened, but essentially a child in class had put his hand up her skirt and touched her around the pants area (she was wearing tights).

I immediately called the school and reported it as a safeguarding incident. The school took full details of what had happened, asked me to tell DD well done for speaking up and being brave, and that they would speak to the alleged perpetrator and come back to me the next day. They asked me (so that they didn't need to speak to DD) exactly what had happened and could I please put it in an email, which I did.

The next morning they spoke to the other child and then called me into school. The child had admitted it and said he thought it would be funny. He was apparently told in no uncertain terms it was not funny. He was made to sit in a different classroom for one day, where he did some extra education around appropriate behaviour, and he wrote an apology letter to DD. Although he has returned to her classroom, he has been moved away from her so she no longer sits near her in class. They have offered for her to see the school counsellor whenever she wants to.

DD was worried the boy would be cross with her for getting him into trouble. I have reassured her as much as I can that SHE did nothing wrong, and any trouble he is in is because of what he has done. I have told her several times that she is believed, and she is brave for speaking up. When she (early days when it had just happened) said she hated him, I said that was fine. She hoped he got nits that never went away. I said that sounded fine too.

DD was genuinely upset by this BUT unrelatedly has form for loving a drama, so I am treading a tightrope between not wanting her to feel that it's been brushed under the carpet, never to be spoken of again, OR making it a massive drama that she feels it's the worst thing that's every happened to her. I don't want her to feel a victim, but nor do I want her to feel we don't care about it.

Is there anything else I should be doing, or do I just not mention it again unless DD brings it up?

I think you handled it well - you listened and believed her, acted straight away to make sure it was dealt with and school have taken steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. She knows you have her back and she’s been offered help if she needs it.
I’d let it lie now - it was an inappropriate incident between children, it’s been dealt with. DD has learned that her boundaries deserve to be respected and that adults will back her up to ensure they are. Job done.

Thank you.

Ask the school has record has been on cpoms, or this equivalent

Thank you. I'm sure it will have been put on Cpoms - the school is very hot on that.

Sounds like it’s been really well handled by you and the school. I’d let it lie now unless she raises it.

I think youve handled it very well.

I think though that your dd IS a victim in this case. So empowering her, telling her very clearly that it’s not her fault etc… yes. But maybe it’s pretty normal if she feels like a victim?

@Muddyandwet think you handled it way better than I would have done! I hope the school also had the parents of the boy into the school to explain what he has done too? Hope your little girl settles down x

I would report it to social services and police.

What's the point of reporting it to the police? The OP's child is 8 so guessing the child who did it is also under the age of criminal responsibility (10)

I think your DD, you and the school have handled it very well OP.

I'd leave it now unless she brings it up.

It sounds like everyone handled it brilliantly. It will also build a picture for the school to act further should the child show any other sexualised behaviour as that would be a sign they are exposed to things they shouldn't bem

As for your daughter, she is a victim but it has been dealt with in an age appropriate way, I wouldn't bring it up anymore it's dealt with, if she brings it up then I would listen to her if she has concerns but moving on is the best thing for her now instead of rehashing.

I'm sorry that happened to your DD and it sounds like you and the school have dealt with it extremely well.

Re the tightrope - although nothing like this has happened to DS2 who is a year or two older than your DD, he has a tendency to be dramatic. I've found that listening and asking neutral questions about the apparently awful things other people have done to him all day eg 'and what happened next' 'what would you have liked that person to do instead' 'how did you feel about what they said' is enough to make him feel like I've listened and taken it seriously without necessarily reinforcing his narrative that everyone else is AWFUL and he has to put up with SO MUCH STUFF. In fact, once I've done that, he'll often conclude that maybe things aren't as terrible as he thought and he just needed a snack.

Obviously this is a different scenario to your DD who has been through something genuinely upsetting. However, the same tactics might work to tread that line.

I should also have said that I agree with PP - listen if she brings it up, but I think you have done everything you needed to at this point and can wait for her to say if she wants to discuss it further.

The point of reporting it further is to check that boy isn't in any danger himself..