Cut to toddlers head, so upset.

[WorriedMum143]

Please be kind as I’m really upset about this.

Last night DP and our one year old were sitting on our bed. I went to the kitchen for 5-10 minutes, but my parting words were ‘don’t let her fall off the bed.’

When I got back DD was crying and DP had let her fall off the bed. I know it was an accident but I literally reminded him to be careful it didn’t happen 5-10 minutes earlier. Instead of being remorseful he blamed me for having ‘so much stuff everywhere’ and ‘being gone for ages’.

He said he had checked her over so after an argument about it happening we went to sleep. This morning DD has a nasty cut and bruise on her forehead. I’m absolutely gutted, the cut has left an indent so presumably it will scar? She must have either landed on my hairdryer, or the basket of washing DP said he would put away since Monday.

Is there anything I can do to help minimise the scar? There is a clear indent and I don’t see how that will heal without one?

AIBU to be so upset? Feel like such a failure and wish I’d never left the room.

The photos where it looks dry are from this morning, where it looks more red/ worse is since I’ve put Vaseline on and the scab has rubbed off.

I doubt that will leave a scar. My Ds split his eye brow open at 2.5 which needed gluing and you could barely see it after a couple of years. He's an adult now, and you'd neve know it was there.

I'd be more concerned about the bruise - she must have had quite a bang. I assume you checked for signs of concussion? Has she been medically checked?

And don't blame oyu partner - kids catapult themselves off all sorts of things in seconds. Every kid has fallen off the bed at some point. I am surprised you didn't notice the injury at the time though.

Yes I can’t believe we didn’t see it either. DP said he had checked her over, and I asked him a second time if he definitely had, but I should have double checked her myself. She went to sleep afterwards and I wouldn’t have let her had I known she had the bump to her head.

She’s her usual lively self today so don’t think there is any concussion.

DP said he had checked her over, and I asked him a second time if he definitely had, but I should have double checked her myself.

I don't really understand this - it's right on her face. It doesn't really need "double checking", surely it would be noticeable from a glance. Unless he'd already put her to bed and therefore you didn't see her? Did it definitely happen when she fell off the bed?

Either way, I wouldn't be particularly cross about this unless he has a history for carelessness. Accidents happen. I broke my arm as a 2 year old falling off a sofa while my mum was right next to me. She's really not a careless woman, sometimes it's just a split second thing. If he has a tendency to be careless or to not pay attention (for example if it's likely that when she fell he was on his phone or something) then that would be different.

It’s slack and I’m not making excuses but yes, we were about to go to sleep when it happened and her hair normally covers her forehead completely. It’s only this morning when she woke up and I swept her hair away to pin it back that I spotted it.

He was on his phone but playing baby videos to her so not distracted, apparently she was on my side of the bed when it happened. I just don’t understand why he didn’t pull her to the middle of the bed, especially when I’d said to him minutes earlier not to let her fall off.

Sorry I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought you were slack. I have an 18 month old and if she fell off the bed, and then I didn't notice an injury until the next day, I'd potentially think it might have had a different cause that's all. But it makes sense if her hair covered it.

I would get a doctor to check her over.

It’s unlikely to scar, it looks very superficial to me.

However, it looks like it was quite a bang with the mark/bruise and cut. The story doesn’t really make any sense about not noticing it last night. 🤔

Instead of being remorseful he blamed me for having ‘so much stuff everywhere’ and ‘being gone for ages’.

Father of the Year. Lovely how he blames you for his incompetence. I'm guessing this isn't the first time he's been such a twat.

I haven’t got any reason to lie on an anonymous forum. I didn’t notice it, so that is shit parent on my behalf.

She is very precious to me being an IVF baby and there’s absolutely no way I would deliberately ignore an injury on her. I’m absolutely cut up about it today. I know I haven’t been good enough by not spotting it, and it won’t be a mistake I make again.

It’s ok, I was slack, totally accept that.

We were in bed when I remembered the cat needed medicating, and we all went to sleep when I came back. I got DD up this morning and noticed it then, so there’s been no other time it could have happened. Her hair is thick and covers her forehead, but it’s no excuse, I should have put the main light on and checked her head to toe. I trusted that DP had, and she calmed quickly, so didn’t imagine she had been badly hurt.

She went to sleep afterwards and I wouldn’t have let her had I known she had the bump to her head.

@WorriedMum143 don't feel guilty that you let her sleep. Concussion advice has been updated now and it's fine to let someone sleep if it is considered a normal time for them to do so. It's only a concern if it's the middle of the day, they haven't mentioned being tired at all and then suddenly they're very sleepy after hitting their head.

I appreciate how precious she is to you as an IVF baby but honestly, we've all been in your shoes. My son used to yeet himself off any and all available surfaces. We caught him a lot of the time, but sometimes you just can't.

Also, we've missed plenty of injuries "in the moment" and wondered how we've not spotted them afterwards. It's a tiny cut, so I wouldn't worry about a scar, but also it wouldn't have been obvious straight away as it's not likely to be the kind that bleeds profusely.

You're right to be pissed with DP though, his reaction to the accident is unacceptable. He shouldn't be trying to shift blame. Regardless of how long you were gone, he should be responsible for the safety of his children. He is a parent, not a babysitter.

Accidents happen. It sounds like the room is an utter mess so perhaps give it a tidy if you think that may have caused the fall.

Stephisaur Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful response. I didn’t know the concussion advice had changed so that’s useful to know too. It has obviously bled enough to scab over but there’s no blood on the sheets so definitely not profuse. It looked more like a graze until I put Vaseline on it then the scab came off, and I’m worried it looks indented. There’s nothing I can do to reverse it I know, so I’ll just have to keep it moist, hope it heals well and live with the guilt.

Dinoswearunderpants I don’t know where you’ve got that from, a basket of clean washing and a hairdryer isn’t an utter mess in my world. Neither would have caused the fall, but she could have bumped her head on them as she fell down. If she hadn’t fell, it would be a moot point.

It's not an accident

He's negligent

You'll not be able to see it in a couple of week's time.

What did he mean by there being stuff everywhere? Has she had many accidents before? Does she bruise easily?

a basket of washing AND a hairdryer... what a complete slattern!!

🙄🙄🙄

that's not what I'd call 'a cut' it's more of a rub.

dont keep removing the scab, they scab over for a reason and if you keep removing it, that's more likely to cause a scar.

i miss the days on MN/Internet when people weren't too scared to post full pictures of their kids. She looks like a little cutie though.

They're as quick as lightning, don't blame DH it happens to all of us. She'll soon be launching herself at the floor constantly!!!

leave it alone & it'll heal fine xx

Hydrocolloid plaster/small dressing (you can also use blister plasters too, they are also hydrocolloid and are a good size and shape) are good for minimising scarring and stay on really well, especially generally waterproof. They provide a moist (sorry!!) environment and help to heal with less chances of scarring. I use them - different sizes - for all kind of things.

I’ve managed to get some of those plasters you mentioned Whatwaswrong so thank you for that tip. I also bought some savlon scar reduction gel, and some silicone gel to use once it’s healed.

Thank you Pinkpink I’m biased of course but she is a bonnie girl, and more importantly has a lovely happy disposition.

Please ignore the deranged OP, I seriously think they would be happier if your husband had back handed your daughter off the bed so they can vent their hatred on your husband. 🙄

Accidents happen and it won’t be your babies last bump. More of a scrape than a cut and a bruise can take a while to come out so it’s no wonder you didn’t notice last night. She’ll be fine 💛

Thank you J316 , like you say, being the first has been upsetting, but it probably won’t be the last once she’s running about.

Are you ok? Negligent? I fell over in the bath when I was a toddler and needed stitches. Was my mother negligent? She was watching me. I was being silly and slipped. Kids hurt themselves, it happens to all of us. Or is it only negligent when the father is involved?

That's good to hear :) As others have said, definitely won't be the last bump or cut - and many will come out of nowhere when you're least expecting it, so they'll come in handy! When mine started walking they also started running but had no idea how to stop so a rather unexpected full force run down a short bit of hallway ended up being stopped by the edge of the doorframe, right between the eyes and leading to some kind of alien looking cut, egg bump and bruise!

Oh and they're a perfectly healthy and intelligent late 20s now, so no harm done!
(Shan't mention an incident with a baby when I, myself, was around 9/10yrs old, during a wait in a hospital waiting room with my mother for some appointment or other for me and for some reason the random mother of said baby thought I should hold their baby. I mean, why?! Anyway, baby got dropped onto the obviously hard-tiled floor, on the head...😮🫣 Sure it survived, we were in a hospital so best place really. Again, tho, why?! These things happen. It's (probably) a perfectly healthy 40yr old by now, dropping children of their own...)

Accident happen, and they will again. Blaming each other won't help.