Obesity appointment - help!

[Cocteautriplet]

I need a hand hold please and guidance. I have my first appointment with the nurse at my GP’s surgery today to discuss my rapidly escalating weight. I’ve been putting this off for ages as I’ve been trying to tackle things on my own but I’m feeling increasingly helpless. I’m really nervous that I’m going to be treated as lazy or greedy although rationally I know that’s an outdated view when treating obesity and that I’m going cry during the appointment. I also had a crap night sleep last night which means I’m not as switched on as I’d like to be. I also have to take my 3 year old with me which is not ideal. Any advice / tips or helpful suggestions to get the most out of the appointment? I’d like test done for thyroid function and diabetes, I’d also like support for bingeing disorder.

background :

Im 5 stone or 32kg overweight. This weight has piled on since my daughter was born 3 and a half years ago but worryingly the last two stone came on really rapidly (within 6 months) and things are still rising.

I’m perimenopausal and on hrt and still breastfeeding a bit (which I think may be contributing to my body clinging on to every bit of fat it can. I want to stop bf but my daughter has just started nursery anbd is extra clingy so it doesn’t seem a good time.

I have food issues and a binge problem which I seem to exacerbated by a period of intermittent fasting I did over a number of years before I got pregnant. On my non fast days I got into the habit of gorgeing and sometimes couldn’t /can’t stop. I’m not fasting now but the binge habit has stuck around.

I eat for emotional / boredom reasons mostly stress related to being a care giver to three asd kids and a mum with dementia.

I love running but I get plantar which makes things tricky.

it’s taken quite a lot of courage to make this appointment … any guidance very gratefully received x

OP. You’re not lazy. Your life sounds absolutely hectic to me! Many of us go through a life stage where we are trying to juggle raising kids with dealing with older relatives who need our help, and it’s bloody tough! And while you’ve not explicitly said so in your post, I’m going to infer that you are stressed out and a bit depressed because I think it would be difficult not to be tbh.
give yourself a break! Have a day off from criticising yourself, people struggling with the types of pressures you are often turn to booze or drugs or other destructive dopamine seeking activities. You’re just eating.
You have some insight into the causes and that’s good, willpower will not be enough here. Do you find that you’re much better behaved with food when you’re not at home? Because, that being the case it might be worth looking at a plan to reduce the time you’re at home. I don’t know enough about your children’s needs to suggest actual ways of doing that, but if they’re at school you could extend DD nursery hours and work or do a course for example? Are you claiming everything you can? Because I use DS’s DLA for extra activities and childcare and it keeps me sane and gives me freedom to be me.
You’ve got a lot of balls in the air OP and it sounds like you need a break somehow. What’s your mums care plan like? If she needs more support you have to fight for it. Same with the kids, if they’re too much get some help, use the system for childcare as much as it will stretch for you. Then carve out time for swimming and walking and safe exercise.
you won’t be judged, they’ll give you a lot of advice, some will feel a bit arbitrary and patronising but some will be really useful.
Good luck.

Thank you so much Withnail … that’s such lovely advice … your kindness has me in tears x

Lazy, bloody hell are you joking? You're doing loads and must be physically and mentally exhausted. I breastfed until my little one was 2 and a half and remember the drain and need for quick energy/ rubbish foods. When the time comes and you stop, your energy will get better. The weight fell off me after I stopped and my whole body shape went back to normal (ish) within a year. Amazing to BF for so long. well done.

Make sure you ask for your iron levels to be checked too.

Batch cooking and freezing works well for me for making sure i have a healthy meal every day without too much effort. Re binge eating - this is obviously caused by stress in your case, so reducing your stress will help, easier said than done i know.

I hate exercise but on youtube i found some easy yoga videos that you can do at night in your own home. search yoga by Adrienne - i found it so helpful for stress and helping with weight loss. There is also lots of just lying on the floor, which is good ha!

Write a little list pre doctors so you can remember the issues you want to cover when your 3 year old is trying to get your attention.

Good luck today, you are doing so much, be kind to yourself.

Just to reply to Withnail properly - yes my eating behaviours are much worse at home: I spend a large portion of my day in the kitchen and food is always there. We keep have started keeping the sweets and goodies in a different bit of the house though which is helping although I tend to binge on bread and cheese if sweet things are out of reach.

i am hoping to extend DD’s nursery hours .. I have a little bit of money coming soon hopefully which couid cover a few more hours but first I need to get over her nursery refusal which is a literally a whole other thread!

I am fortune that we get carers allowance and mid rate DLA for my middle son, oldest doesn’t get anything as he’s quite high functioning / too high for an EHCP. I think he might have Co morbid ADD though as he’s extremely erratic and easily distracted and becomong a hard job to parent as he goes through his teens ( he is impetuous / is like a younger child in terms of independence) so maybe worth getting him assessed. DD is awaiting assessment but a lot of the signs are there & third time round I think you just know! 😅

Mum is still fairly independent.. she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia in the summer with a 5 year prognosis. She has an hour of help in the morning, a cleaner / helper once a week for two hours then I visit a couple of times a week to take shopping / go to get appointments & help her with techy stuff bills etc. I’m not doing personal care yet thankfully as I think that would break me on top of everything else but sometimes she forgets things like how to use the phone and then I’ll be worrying because she’s not answering and have to pop over to check on her. Long term she has savings so we could afford to increase care for a while and she owns her flat she we can sell if she needs to go into a care home in the next few years which realistically she will.

Whengodwasarabbit (lovely name!). Thank you so much for replying. Really useful advice thank you. I think batch cooking would be a great idea. If I plan my meals I do eat more healthily. I love things like baked fish / salads with pulses and soups which would be great to have on hand.
You tube yoga very good idea.

im so hoping some weight will come off when I stop bfing … all through my pregnancy I had morning sickness and didn’t put on much weight but as soon as I gave birth and started feeding DD it was like this appetite engine sprung into action and everything tasted and smelled amazing again … I’d forgotten that .. I think the engine has never stopped going at full whack since 😂

Bloody hell, give yourself a break, you are doing a lot. How about trying to approach the appointment as a kind of collaboration with the nurse on how to approach your weight, rather than a personal attack on you. Not easy admittedly, but you are an adult in this process and they want to work with you and you can recognise yourself that something needs to change. Good luck and try and be kind to yourself.

I breastfed for 4 years and it wasn't a barrier I think you know it's eating too much because you're maybe stressed or depressed. I would try and get therapy as any diet or even weight loss surgery will just be a bandaid. There are other workouts you could do that don't aggravate your feet and you know this. I would advise you to get mental health in order and develop coping strategies that don't include food for comfort.
You don't have to attend the appointment but if you do try and explore the emotional side as 99% of people already know it's about eating less. I would avoid all manners of diets and clubs. Good luck, many have conquered their eating and you can be one of them, too. 5st is doable.

Oh and it's no big deal if you cry. HCP are the worst patients and have seen so much, nothing you say or do will shock them.

OP try to get another DLA award for oldest. High functioning doesn’t mean no additional needs. If he’s harder work than a typical kid his age then he meets the criteria , get a form and fill it in for his worst days. That few hundred extra quid is your ticket to more time for you and a better mental health long term.
Im gonna sound like a right meany here, push for more nursery hours and try to get DD off the boob. Substitute that special bonding time with something else that’s enjoyable and ‘just hers’ from you like story time, or hair braiding, or crafts. You need your body back to yourself now I think. DD will be refusing nursery as a phase, I’ve had this, it actually resolved when the sessions were more frequent and longer because it’s the transition they hate not the activity. Talk to her key person and see what they think.
through all of this, remember you’re a fantastic and resilient parent and you’re smashing life under difficult circumstances. If the worst that’s happened is you’re a wee bit heavier than you wanna be you’ve got to see how well you’re doing!
i can’t help thinking that if you can engineer things so that you can get to a ladies exercise class and have a swim after twice a week your body will start improving straight away, and you’ll get some social benefit too! I’m introverted and awkward but I loved my girls at the leisure centre, we were all fat or recovering from something or getting old and it was a really supportive and funny environment. Beg, borrow, lie, steal, emotionally blackmail ( slightly dramatic but you get my drift) to find this type of time and space for yourself. You deserve it.

I wish you luck OP but Im afraid I dont have high hopes for whatever advice you get today. It wont be holistic

What you need is some support with a number of things which are interlinked, you are a carer/support for someone with dementia, whats that care package look like for her, have there been proper assessments of her need, who else helps you with that

This very likely leads into your eating pattern, either you're eating because you're exhausted/bored/upset/stressed etc or its the type of food/volume you're eating because you're so busy, so grabbing foods that give you a hit

The breastfeeding/HRT/peri stuff, who is overseeing any hormone or blood work for that?

All connected and you need to be viewed holistically

As an aside, I used to say I ate emotionally, in hindsight this simply wasnt true, I just liked eating and I like eating big volumes of rich, calorie dense foods. Now that I cant, I dont crave it or feel deprived of it. Its also led me to see what actual triggers for eating there are and there is one, its when Im cold and tired, those two things together at the same time get me wanting food even if Im not hungry. Dont dismiss physical triggers for food.

Thanks so much everyone for the amazing replies. I’m going to get me and DD ready for the appointment now. I’ll let you know how I get on! If I only get referrals for bloods today then that’s a start.

Hope it goes well 😊

You are amazing and so so brave for making this first step.

I hope it all goes well.

I’m back and it went better than I feared although I did cry a bit!

I got a full blood screen referral - yay! Including kidney, liver, sugars and thyroid.

I’ve got a 50% discount referral for my local Better Gym which is lovely. I will definitely use this in the colder months (although I like to run outside) and it’s nice and near my DD’s nursery so I can go directly after drop off

and

Ive got a self referral link for counselling.

The nurse was very kind and said because I’m tall the weight doesn’t look too bad on me … I’m still obese (17st and 5’10) but it’s comforting to know I don’t look as obscenely large to others as I do to myself!

DD was an angel and played on the iPad for the whole session. Doing well so far today with eating using nutricheck to log my food and I feel positive. I’ve also got an mri scan / physio session referral accessed through my partners work to get to the bottom of my plantar! thanks for all your support xx

One day at a time!