DS, 8 yo doesnt eat much

[CagedRaven]

Hi all,

Just looking for opinions. DS aged 8 used to be such a good eater. In the past couple of years he has become very fussy with food and will only eat certain meals (pizza, burgers, spaghetti bolognese) and its hit or miss whether he will eat anything else I make.

Recently it has got to the point where if he doesnt like his food he will not even try it. I'm not concerned about his weight as although he is slim, he is heavy.

I've noticed he has started leaving most of his lunch at school and I dont give him a lot to begin with and I only give him what he asks for and I know he likes. It's really not a lot. A cheese wrap, a satsuma, a biscuit of some sort and a yoghurt. He says he doesnt have enough time at lunch to eat it all.

I'm at the end of my tether. I work ft and single parent so I dont have time to make separate meals for me, his older sibling and him.

Tonight I made beef stew and dumplings, he turned his nose up at it, I had to bribe him to eat his veg then i said if he doesnt eat it, he cant have supper.

I usually give supper every might but i am so sick of wasting food I stuck to my guns and sent him to bed without. Now he is complaining he is hungry.

Can anyone help or offer advise.

Hopeful bump from anyone wiser than me

I had a very fussy ds who lived off fruit, bread, spaghetti bolognese and milk for about three years! I tried everything but in the end stuck with what he liked. He had spaghetti bolognese every day for months!
Speak to his teacher about his lunch and negotiate a minimum he can eat before he goes and plays. For my son it was half a jam sandwich and some fruit.
He is now 18 - 6’3 and eats everything!

Never withhold supper for not eating dinner. Never send a child to bed hungry.

The idea of 'wasting food' is a bit illogical really. Obviously we want our kids long term to eat well, but on any given day it is not worth getting upset about the food not being eaten.

It is very common for kids to be fussy. If you make a battle of it, you will make it worse.

In my house you took what you wanted, and there was always the option of toast.

I read something years ago that it is the parent's job to provide a healthy meal, and the child's job to decide whether to eat it.

Thank you for the response. Its becoming an every day occurrence so I've hit my limit. Money is tight as it is, I dont want to spend ages in kitchen making various things for us all only for it to end up in the bin.

If my kids took what they wanted they would eat nothing of nutritional value. It would all be chocolate and sweets.

Thank you Sparkle that's useful. What is it with spaghetti bolognese? 😂

I'm making that tomorrow night. I'm doing a big batch so will save some and he can have that on a night I know the fussiness will kick in. His older sibling doesnt like it 🙈 but older sibling can have pasta and cheese.

I have four kids and at 8 only one would have eaten beef stew and dumplings. He doesn’t have to have crisps and chocolate just something he likes. I don’t see the point of making kids eat things they don’t like. It’s expensive and pointless.

What does supper consist of? Personally I would say that's fine you don't need to eat dinner you can have it for supper instead.

I guess you have to choose what matters more - healthy eating long term or winning the argument short term.

Parents who battle their kids over food are foolish.

No, you've misunderstood!

You say 'Tonight's tea is pasta, sauce and carrots. What would you like?' if they only want pasta, that's their choice.

Not offering chocolate for tea, obviously.

This is the sort of thing that was done in the 70s that we now know causes long term disordered eating.

There's a really good app called Eat with Sprout (or something like that) and is for parents of fussy eaters. It's been built by paediatric dieticians and child psychologists.

Supper consists of either chocolate weetabix or chocolate brioche. Which is why I put my foot down tonight, there is little nutritional content in those. I dont mind if he has had a balanced day with food but he clearly hasnt.

That would boil down to, he just wouldnt eat any of it if he didnt like anything on offer.

Thank you bumhug, I'll google that.

Then change the supper to something nutritious.

It is abusive to send a child to bed hungry.

These threads are always upsetting to read.

You are offering unhealthy food, then blaming the young child for wanting to eat it.

In my house, where I had no food problems because I followed the best advice, in this situation I would have offered wholemeal toast or the meal.

And let the child choose.

Where you try to control what a child eats, often you end up with more problems.

Wow, it's not abusive to put my foot down for one night and say no, you cant have supper if you dont eat your tea. Heard it all now.

He literally doesnt eat anything else for supper. It's just cereals or bread substances and he doesnt like plain read unsweetened food. He wont even touch plain weetabix these days. So in the case i bought them instead he would starve because he just wouldnt eat. That is the extent of his fussiness.

It is not ok to send a child to bed hungry.

I understand the frustration, but it's not the right thing to do.

It is less healthy to eat nothing than eat something unhealthy.

My DS would eat anything as a toddler, but by the age of five was very limited in what he liked.
I just made sure that, at every meal, there was always something I knew he'd eat and I'd put just a teaspoon of the other items on his plate which he was free to taste or not.
Over the years he gradually added more foods back in and now, in his late thirties, has very wide tastes.
The hardest thing is to keep emotion out of the equation, but it's the only thing that really works.

He used to eat everything I gave him, healthy foods etc. I eat healthily so model that to him. I refuse to be called abusive by a stranger just due to the fact I've sent him to bed without supper for ONE night in his life. Jesus!! Ain't like he is wasting away.

I'll take your useful points on board.

Would he eat porridge with fruit on top of toast and PB for his supper?

Thank you regiment, that is helpful advice. He can have corn on the cob and cheese with every meal alongside whatever else I'm making

He would likely eat porridge is it was sweetened to death, which is not ideal. He is hit and miss with fruit. He likes satsumas but doesnt eat them in his lunchbox. He likes apple. He wouldnt mix porridge with fruit though.

It's really tricky OP. But I do agree with @MidnightOnceMore.

This meal or toast

Cut the chocolatey supper- need to be toast or plain cereal.

I would not have eaten beef stew and dumplings aged 8. And I was known as dusty bin! I ate everything.

Sorry it's getting you down OP but you still need to feed him. I'n afraid I don't . Agree with the view "One evening without food won't harm him" I think much complexity about this already exists. Just eat beans on toast type easy meals or whatever next week.

A colleagues son was in Hospital for 10 weeks with eating problems aged 10. He's ok now, was scary at the time he had a cardiac arrest. He's nearly 20 now still fussy but eats enough.

Look up ARFID too