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Original poster

Feeling that people don't really like me

43 replies

londonmamma · 15/11/2023 20:59

Stupid post from a grown woman here but just needing a little outlet tonight. I know I'm
Being more than likely silly and I probably need to be told to just wise up but basically I started a job as a classroom assistant a few weeks ago. The job itself is wonderful as I finish at 3:30 and obviously there's no nights weekends and the little boy (year 9) I'm with is just lovely. I'm really only with him for medical reasons and he's a very bright boy in the top class in the year. Sometimes I feel very uncomfortable with the teachers as although I'm with my pupil he tends to prefer me sitting away from him so I respect that and get a seat at the back. He knows I'm always there should he need anything. But I feel the teachers don't like me and I can't seem to find a way to get past this. I mean it goes without saying im extremely polite and well mannered and will offer to help with any photocoping jobs that they may need done once my pupil is happy getting on with his work- sometimes they give me things and other times they don't . I get the impression that they hate me being there and that they think im lazy or just pointless being in the room, but the child is allocated the hours for me to be there.

I can't work out if im just being a complete sensitive fool or whether the see me and roll their eyes.

I just feel a bit down tonight and needed a little vent because I wouldn't ever dream of telling any of the other assistants that I feel this way.

How can I change my mindset?

OP posts:
Original poster
londonmamma · 15/11/2023 21:01

I'll add, none of the other children need ( or want ) help otherwise I'd be up and about trying to help out if I could.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 15/11/2023 21:02

Do you have 1:1's or any sort of professional supervision with a manager? Could you discuss it with them?

Original poster
londonmamma · 15/11/2023 21:04

I'm not sure. We do have a senco and he is great but Im not sure what I'd even say to him lol

OP posts:

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violetcuriosity · 15/11/2023 21:12

Kindly, I think they're probably thinking that you're being paid to just sit there. When I was in class my TA would have a 1-1 but when the child didn't need them they'd be asking who else they can work with/what else needs doing. Please stop sitting on a chair at the back, you're not a pupil, get stuck in and help.

Original poster
londonmamma · 15/11/2023 21:21

violetcuriosity · 15/11/2023 21:12

Kindly, I think they're probably thinking that you're being paid to just sit there. When I was in class my TA would have a 1-1 but when the child didn't need them they'd be asking who else they can work with/what else needs doing. Please stop sitting on a chair at the back, you're not a pupil, get stuck in and help.

I appreciate your feedback. If none of the kids need me though do you think I should just insist on helping ? ( I'm asking that in a genuine way, not sarcastically)

OP posts:
superplumb · 16/11/2023 09:03

I'd walk around the class speaking to pupils and checking on their work. I wouldn't just sit there.

Disappeared · 16/11/2023 09:09

You need to know your place in the class structure that is a school so I would ask the teacher if there’s anything you can do to help them don’t take it upon yourself to do anything

Whoamiwhoevenami · 16/11/2023 09:13

It's not really up to mumsnetters to tell you how to do your job.

But I would check with your manager/the teachers if there's anything else that you should or could be doing.

Bikechic · 16/11/2023 09:46

It’s not personal. It may be that a teacher doesn’t really like having an extra adult in the room, isn’t sure what jobs to ask you to do, is confused about what you are doing there - so it’s about your role rather than you. It is awkward for you hanging around with nothing to do and it’s awkward for the other members of staff too. Given time you will work out how to make yourself useful and fit in work wise and others will get used to you and get to know you outside the classroom. Do talk to your line manager about what other jobs you could do at the same time.

Eyesopenwideawake · 16/11/2023 09:50

I've read your post three times and can't see any examples or evidence for your thinking. Am I missing something??

70sDuvet · 16/11/2023 10:42

My son has a medical 1:1 and like your little boy doesn't need any help at all during class time. Also he's in the upper end of primary so the class as a whole need less supervision.

His TA does sometimes work with the junior classes (they asked me if I was OK with this)
She also is pretty creative and does a lot of the decorating of the halls with the children's work. She is also sporty so will help out with PE.
She has been with the school for years so I'm sure it took her a while to get into all these roles. And if she had a child who needed more 1:1 time before my DS she wouldn't be doing as much extra.

Ask your head what else you can do to be more involved in school life as your child only needs you at X time.

Also does someone else know how to care for him of you are off sick? (This is just a question from a mother not really that helpful for you, sorry:) )

Imposter syndrome is hard when you start somewhere new, but I'm sure it will die down once you find your feet.

noblegiraffe · 16/11/2023 10:51

If you are there for medical issues and it’s a top set I can totally see there’d be nothing for you to do in the classroom (sometimes when I’m teaching top set there’s nothing for me to do either!)

In that scenario I wouldn’t mind a TA sat at the back getting on with some paperwork (of which there is plenty in SEN). I really wouldn’t like it if you were sat doing nothing and gave the impression you were bored watching my lesson. Look busy!

Alighttouchonthetiller · 16/11/2023 11:11

I'd ask the teacher if there were any jobs that needed doing - wall displays, photocopying, tidying up cluttered corners etc. There will be things you can do, even if it's only sharpening the colouring pencils, that would make their life easier. There's always something that needs doing.

noblegiraffe · 16/11/2023 11:14

Secondary is different to primary, I wouldn’t want a TA offering to tidy the cluttered corners of my classroom or sharpen pencils, it would disrupt my lesson. I also wouldn’t want to be asked to find jobs for the TA to do while I’m busy teaching.

Lavinia56 · 16/11/2023 11:20

I think it's awkward for the teacher, having an adult sitting at the back of the classroom. It makes it look as if you are there to judge (even though you're not).

Ask the teacher if there's anything you can do to help. I wouldn't do anything without asking first though.

If you have offered and the teacher says there's nothing you can do (unlikely) then you would be justified in just sitting there. I would feel awkward though, I would want to be doing something.

watcherintherye · 16/11/2023 11:30

Can you have a quiet chat with the class teacher and tell them what you’ve said here - that you’d much rather be busy and that there often seem to be times when your 1:1 doesn’t need any assistance, so you’d be happy to do anything you can to help in class, do paperwork, work on displays etc?

Animallover87 · 16/11/2023 11:35

I'm a teacher and I hate it when the TA is sat at the back doing nothing. Go around and check the kids work, they often won't put their hand up to ask for help but they will when you're close by. I've worked with so many lazy ones it's a bit of a bugbear for me.

Rosiem2808 · 16/11/2023 11:39

If this were me I would speak to the teachers and let them know that although I am there for the one child, I am happy to do anything they ask and would be pleased to be of service.

lilsupersparks · 16/11/2023 12:08

I can’t think of a single class I have ever taught that none of the students need help ever. Your help could be going round asking them to talk through their work with you, helping them understand the extension tasks, supporting them in discussions. I would mention to teachers the way you are feeling and ask what they suggest.

MaliciaKeys · 16/11/2023 12:11

Talk to your line manager and ask for guidance. I doubt if people dislike you.

Greenfinch7 · 16/11/2023 12:26

People are writing as if this is a primary school class, but this boy is year 9. The teacher will want silence and focus, and someone walking around asking children if they need help would be out of place. OP, how many teachers are you dealing with? Are there a couple of them you could ask to talk to for a moment, tell them that you would love to do something helpful, and see if there is a way you can contribute?

The most likely thing is that you are a bit anxious in a new role, and the teachers are actually glad to see you, like the energy you bring, but are just busy and keeping their focus on their work!

If I'm wrong about that, I think one of two things is going on here: 1) The teachers know your role and are just ignoring you because they understand you need to be there, but there is nothing else they expect from the relationship with you there than your quiet presence; 2) the teachers think that your role is not really necessary, a waste of funds, and therefore see you as a representative of something annoying about the system. I think either way, the teachers are reacting to your role, not to you.

sallynamechange · 16/11/2023 14:51

noblegiraffe · 16/11/2023 11:14

Secondary is different to primary, I wouldn’t want a TA offering to tidy the cluttered corners of my classroom or sharpen pencils, it would disrupt my lesson. I also wouldn’t want to be asked to find jobs for the TA to do while I’m busy teaching.

This is my exact worry. I always make myself present for jobs but Ialso don't want to appear like im
Taking over the class and being disrespectful

sallynamechange · 16/11/2023 14:55

Greenfinch7 · 16/11/2023 12:26

People are writing as if this is a primary school class, but this boy is year 9. The teacher will want silence and focus, and someone walking around asking children if they need help would be out of place. OP, how many teachers are you dealing with? Are there a couple of them you could ask to talk to for a moment, tell them that you would love to do something helpful, and see if there is a way you can contribute?

The most likely thing is that you are a bit anxious in a new role, and the teachers are actually glad to see you, like the energy you bring, but are just busy and keeping their focus on their work!

If I'm wrong about that, I think one of two things is going on here: 1) The teachers know your role and are just ignoring you because they understand you need to be there, but there is nothing else they expect from the relationship with you there than your quiet presence; 2) the teachers think that your role is not really necessary, a waste of funds, and therefore see you as a representative of something annoying about the system. I think either way, the teachers are reacting to your role, not to you.

Thank you. You seemed to understand my post. I'm with 7 different teachers per day so I'm always coming and going. I'm also not really ment to disrupt the class and take over. If I had weak ones in the class I'd naturally have more to do but it's a small class and they are all competent. Today I took notes for a child that was absent so she doesn't play catch up.

neilyoungismyhero · 16/11/2023 15:02

@superplumb with respect this is completely out of order..the OP would be looked on as a cf and rightly so. A TA can't just decide to take over class room duties without consultation.

Luxell934 · 16/11/2023 15:27

You will have an appraisal at some point OP where you could bring up your concerns with your line manager!

I completely understand your feelings, it's awful feeling like a spare part, in some ways it would be much easier if your 1-1 needed a lot more support.

Once the work has been set I would start walking around asking the children if they understand the task and if they need any help. Keep walking around for awhile to show your presence. Also keep going back to your 1-1 to check in and make sure they are okay and on task. You could also approach the teacher and ask if there is anything you could do. If not, just keep walking around checking everyone is on task. You could offer to read pupils work through, compliment what they have done etc, ask them questions to solidate their learning.