If you’re the oldest in your friend group

[HanarCantWearSweaters]

But the least or one of the least “ahead” in life, do you feel embarrassed by it?

I’m 32, the youngest in our core group of friends is 26. We all met through work about 2 years ago and have become close. We’re in London. Similar hobbies, sense of humour, they’re all kind and compassionate women. I’ve had a difficult few years, lost absolutely all my confidence in work and relationships and generally in myself. I’ve valued having my friends in my life now especially because in the past I’ve felt out of place when navigating friendships. Even in school I always felt the others found it so much easier, like there’s some handbook out there I’m the only one who hasn’t read.

But I feel like the others in our group are more ahead of me in life. I’m chronically single, renting. Have never had any savings til this year. Most of the others are in long term relationships, two have bought their own flats recently. I’m not as established in our industry as they are as I was a career changer during the pandemic and still feel a bit new to the sector I’m now in.

I think they value me for advice and a good listening ear, but sometimes I wonder do they ever feel like they’re more “adult” than I am. And what do they think of that, if at all. I sort of have this feeling like if you’re the oldest you should have more of your life together. I’m not sure I’d look at another friend that way though. I get a twinge if ages come up in conversation.

Is anyone else in a similar position?

OP if they are good friends, it won't matter whether you are 'ahead' or not. Don't waste your energy comparing too much, it will only depress you. Also, 32 is still young. I'm staring down the barrel of 40 and still renting. I don't live in London but I'd say it's pretty common there.

I'm a bit like you, only not the oldest. My friends are 'further along' than me in terms of their living situations, as I am the only one left renting. Mostly because I'm single and they are all in long term relationships, so are able to share the costs of buying a place - no way would I get a mortgage by myself on my not great salary.

I also took a few years out to help care for my father who has dementia, and am now working in a lower stress, lower paid job so obviously that didn't help, but I'm glad I did it. That's just how my life panned out at the time, you never how things will go.

It's just the way it is, they are still my friends and I hope they don't think of me as lesser than them because my circumstances and choices are different than theirs. Please don't make this a thing in your head. You are not where you'd like to be yet, but you will get there in your own time.