Anyone else struggling to keep the plates spinning?

[DontForgetXmasCrackers]

Hiya

Am I the only one who just feels utterly overwhelmed by life.

DH works full time. I work part-time but just a few hours under full-time.

We have one DC who is 3.5.

DH is lucky to mostly work flexible hours, but is on call some of the time.

I work in a high stress role, think social worker. Doing days when you are dealing with emergencies on a rota basis. Following the pandemic we worked half the time in the office, half from home. Management felt the team were not collaborating well, so asked that we returned to the office full-time whilst things were pulled back together. Fine. Not ideal, but I understood the reasons for this and we were told it was a temporary measure. This was back in March. We have had people leave, long term sickness, so we have been told we'll be in the office until further notice, with the exception of working from home if you have a medical appointment or emergency at home at least until we have recruited. There's no doubt, we need someone to be in the office daily, however we have been told we cannot work flexibly like we used to. So you have to be in the office at 9, you cannot leave before 5 unless agreed.

Before all of this I could manage to do some drop offs to childcare of pick ups but now I do hardly any. DH plans his hours around me. Work is so busy I struggle to leave before 6 most evenings and then have a long commute on top. On the days I work, I get no time with DC or I'm nagging because I need to get out the house.

It's not sustainable.

I'm miserable and knackered.

Also under investigations for a chronic illness.

I'm looking at closer jobs, but can't afford to take a pay cut.

What would you do in my situation.

TIA

1. talk to your boss, regularly working late / over your hours means you’re working for free; I understand that things can be busy but if the workload is more than you can do in your hours it’s not your fault.
2. it sounds like you’re under a lot of pressure so I’d speak to you GP about getting signed off; this would give you a chance to work out a realistic work life balance.
3. assuming you drive a job closer to home would actually save money so a pay cut may not be the end of the world.

Could you go self employed or freelance for a couple of years it's usually better paid which means you could work less hours

Does dh help out around the house and with dc? Does he fully pull his weight?

I would speak to your boss about cutting down your hours, even just temporarily, to give you some breathing space. Or speak to your gp and get signed off with burnout. I ended up signed off for 6months two years ago as I felt completely overwhelmed with everything. Took the time to really care about myself.

Now? Well I have 4 dc, ddog, managing a full time PGCE (teacher training) and I split with my H 2 months ago and honestly? Without that dead weight life is so much peaceful and manageable.

When your dc starts school, childcare costs will drop considerably.
Could you hang on in there, assess what's vital to keep on top of, and outsource/ drop some of the rest?
Can you book a days annual leave purely to give yourself space to think,?

Sorry, and I meant to continue you on to say that perhaps when your dc starts school you can get a job closer and drop money, or outsource more ( eg cleaner)

Hi,

Thank you for the replies they're really helpful.

@PurBal
Yes, I definitely need to speak with my manager. I have a 1:1 coming up, so I'll definitely discuss my hours. Although I'm sure she's already aware.

If things get much worse, I will definitely be visiting my GP.

I don't use the car to commute in, but could afford a tiny pay cut if I take travel into consideration.

@tescocreditcard I don't think there are freelance roles in my field. I could consider temping but I think the lack of stability would worry me too much.

@Shewhobecamethesun I can't fault DH he does most things, cooking, laundry, great with DC. My only criticism is his cleaning. If anything I feel like I'm not pulling my weight due to my hours.

Well done for leaving your ex, I'm glad you're doing so well now!

@FindingMeno I'm always on the look out for jobs, but would definitely be easier once DC is in school. I could definitely look at getting a cleaner, even once a fortnight would be a help.