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Original poster

I cried today . Felt a right idiot

13 replies

Stupid2323 · 15/11/2023 17:44

Have had alot going on which I have posted about on here . Anyway I do a course that's to help understand emotional disregulation, how it effects the person and people around them . Ways to manage things etc.

Anyway emailed one of the people that run it. I explained that I did not understand alot of it. Because there are words used that I have never heard of or used in my life. There are quite alot of them so it's hard for me to manage. She was really nice and put things in place to maje it easier.

One of the things is we have a 5 min chat after to see if there's anything that sticks out that totally whoosed over my head.

Today we were talking about taking time out for ourself self healing, etc. There were people talking about they go to spas, swimming , have a couple of hours in their bedroom just being alone. I admit I felt a little jealous (jealous is the wrong word but i don't know the word i need) I was kind of thinking wtf there are tines I have not been able to bath for 2+ weeks.

So after the actual session I went to speak to the person supporting me with the course as arranged . She touched on the things I just explained above about the self healing etc. And like a prick I started crying. Felt a right prat . I think it just slapped me in the face that things that should be simple are not for me. I have to many people with different needs. Needing me.

I have completely lost where I was going with this post. 😔

OP posts:
whereisthecheese · 15/11/2023 17:46

Nothing at all wrong with crying love, honestly it's fine (and I'm sure has happened before for them)

Original poster
Stupid2323 · 15/11/2023 18:05

whereisthecheese · 15/11/2023 17:46

Nothing at all wrong with crying love, honestly it's fine (and I'm sure has happened before for them)

Yeah I know . I just wasn't expecting it. And I look really ugly.

OP posts:
RecoveringBorderlineIsBack · 15/11/2023 18:06

Nothing stupid about crying. I have sometimes felt similar on a similar kind of course (DBT) where some of them in the group (not all by any means) had more money than I did or were better able to do things like spas or expensive hobbies/sports and I would be struggling to do the bare minimum. Also my physical disabilities limited me a lot more than them. I don't think indeed tears over it and yes the DBT has been a massive game changer to me and so worth it all but I absolutely would not judge someone for crying over this at all. It sounds like you have a huge amount going on anyway.

CakeBrewFlowers

Original poster
Stupid2323 · 15/11/2023 18:18

RecoveringBorderlineIsBack · 15/11/2023 18:06

Nothing stupid about crying. I have sometimes felt similar on a similar kind of course (DBT) where some of them in the group (not all by any means) had more money than I did or were better able to do things like spas or expensive hobbies/sports and I would be struggling to do the bare minimum. Also my physical disabilities limited me a lot more than them. I don't think indeed tears over it and yes the DBT has been a massive game changer to me and so worth it all but I absolutely would not judge someone for crying over this at all. It sounds like you have a huge amount going on anyway.

CakeBrewFlowers

I did also judge though . I was thinking if you can spend a couple of hours in your room. Then your very lucky. I never said it but i was thinking it and I only that's pretty nasty of me.

I think it also happend probably because I felt safe. I have not had that in a very long time. I have always had to put barriers up. I have probably scared myself a bit as well.

OP posts:
RecoveringBorderlineIsBack · 15/11/2023 18:36

Stupid2323 · 15/11/2023 18:18

I did also judge though . I was thinking if you can spend a couple of hours in your room. Then your very lucky. I never said it but i was thinking it and I only that's pretty nasty of me.

I think it also happend probably because I felt safe. I have not had that in a very long time. I have always had to put barriers up. I have probably scared myself a bit as well.

Show quote history

Yes I think it makes sense that the tears came when you felt safe. I had to put up walls for most of my life and couldn't cry until relatively recently when I began to heal.

You may have judged but we all make judgements in the snap of the moment. I don't believe for one second you would be unkind to the person you were thinking those thoughts about.

Much ❤to you.

queenrollo · 15/11/2023 18:40

It's not nasty of you to think that about another person managing proper time out for self care. It's a perfectly human reaction to feel a little envious of them if your life has so many demands on you that you can only dream of two hours alone in your bedroom.
I think sometimes people who design and deliver these courses don't fully appreciate that they will encounter clients who simply cannot find time/money/resources for the kind of self-care they advocate. You are not creating obstacles, for some people it is genuinely very difficult to achieve.

Things are better for me now, but in the past I was mentally and physically struggling due to extreme sleep deprivation with a disabled baby/toddler. And the experts solution was to tell me I absolutely MUST get proper sleep. Quite how I was supposed to do that they didn't have answers for.

It's ok to cry, and i know it can feel embarassing and vulnerable to do it. But they will be used to it.

Original poster
Stupid2323 · 15/11/2023 18:47

RecoveringBorderlineIsBack · 15/11/2023 18:36

Yes I think it makes sense that the tears came when you felt safe. I had to put up walls for most of my life and couldn't cry until relatively recently when I began to heal.

You may have judged but we all make judgements in the snap of the moment. I don't believe for one second you would be unkind to the person you were thinking those thoughts about.

Much ❤to you.

Show quote history

Aww I'm sorry things have been hard for you. To. 💐

OP posts:
AllAboutMargot · 15/11/2023 18:53

Years ago, I was on an Assertiveness Training course. The first exercise they gave us to do was to think about the last time we felt really happy. I realised that I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever been truly happy. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I burst into tears.
I was so embarrassed, but the others in the group were very kind. Their kindness and understanding made me feel safe, so I get what you mean.

SeethroughDress · 15/11/2023 18:53

No need to be ashamed. I have also bawled my eyes out unexpectedly in occasional situations where some stranger does something kind, and my guard is down. When I did pregnancy yoga (and was having a very difficult, solitary time because I was working abroad for eight months, and very sick — though if you’d asked me, I’d have said I was fine), the teacher used to put blankets over us at the end, and it used to make me cry every time.

SeethroughDress · 15/11/2023 18:56

AllAboutMargot · 15/11/2023 18:53

Years ago, I was on an Assertiveness Training course. The first exercise they gave us to do was to think about the last time we felt really happy. I realised that I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever been truly happy. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I burst into tears.
I was so embarrassed, but the others in the group were very kind. Their kindness and understanding made me feel safe, so I get what you mean.

That just reminded me I did something very similar on a course where I was asked to imagine somewhere I’d felt safe as a child, and I realised I’d never felt safe, lost it, burst into tears and hid in the loo with the teacher banging on the door asking what was wrong.

I do this a lot.

semideponent · 15/11/2023 19:01

I'm so touched by your story, OP. I think bit of you that you needed was somewhere in your tears?

Original poster
Stupid2323 · 15/11/2023 19:14

AllAboutMargot · 15/11/2023 18:53

Years ago, I was on an Assertiveness Training course. The first exercise they gave us to do was to think about the last time we felt really happy. I realised that I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever been truly happy. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I burst into tears.
I was so embarrassed, but the others in the group were very kind. Their kindness and understanding made me feel safe, so I get what you mean.

Within the group I still very much have my barriers up. I'm not used to being round people really. The course only has 12 sessions so.im likely to stay that way. But i did let go of things via the 121 today which probably does mean I felt safe about probably apart of healing. From all the stuff that's been happening. And yes several people have cried within the group logically I know its normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stupid2323 · 15/11/2023 20:18

semideponent · 15/11/2023 19:01

I'm so touched by your story, OP. I think bit of you that you needed was somewhere in your tears?

Possibly. Felt kind of scary though

OP posts:
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