Negative child getting me down

[GauntJudy]

Hello! My ds is 9, there's just me and him at home. His negative outlook is really getting me down, I have a headache tonight from our interaction.

The main problem is that he doesn't want to do anything, doesn't want to join any clubs, do any sport, doesn't want to go to someone's birthday party at the weekend. It's not just a case of him being tired today, it's his permanent state.

It seems to boil down to him thinking he won't be good, and getting worried about being the worst. Even when ive made him attend clubs and he has improved as a result he cant celebrate that progress and focusses on the negative.

I've explained that we only improve through effort etc but I'm getting nowhere. His school talk about growth mindset and I have tried talking about this at home.

I really worry about whether this reluctance to experience life will continue as he gets older and he'll be isolated and limit himself as an adult. It's also limiting me as its a nightmare getting him out of the house, I feel very isolated myself, I'd really like an hour every now and then when I know he is socialising with peers and I can have a walk or something.

Sorry its long, I'm crying now with the frustration of it all. I feel so trapped and if I do make him attend stuff it's not a pleasant experience being shouted at and sulking. Help!

Sounds tough. Have you tried just taking the pressure off and letting him do nothing? Until he gets bored? Don't allow excessive TV/gaming though 😂. What happens then?

Or try just choosing one activity and that's non negotiable - you have to do it? Other nights are free. I appreciate this is really hard for you as you never get a breathing space.

That sounds so hard
OP, poor you. My DD had a bit of a sad phase and dropped her clubs /
wanted to stay in a lot.

I let her do that and only insisted on school, and we did a lot of swimming together as it was the only thing she enjoyed.

She did cycle through it and is really active now.

I also really focused on basics - food, vitamins, sleep etc.

Could that approach work?

Thanks for replying! Before summer he did swimming every week but I agreed.he could stop once he could swim confidently. Since then he's not had any regular activity after school, so pretty much a 4 month break for him. I honestly think given the choice he would stay like this. But I think there's so many skills you learn from activities, making friends outside school, maybe learning about team work, or just seeing what floats your boat.

So maybe I am at the point where I just insist he goes to something and I tune out the complaints.

It's exasperating when I know there's so many kids with nothing who'd love to do stuff, but that argument never worked with me when I heard it from my parents!

Out of interest, have things improved? What did you do? I find myself in the same position with ds and just don't know what to do.