Rehome Dog?

[Hare95]

I have a 7yo son and two.dogs; one is a 3yo neutered male weimaraner and the other a 10yo neutered male cocker spaniel (weimaraner was mine before meeting my partner and cocker spaniel was my partners).

Cocker spaniel has shown aggression towards other dogs on a number of occasions. Now living together he's even attacked my weimaraner multiple times. Never any damage done but its frightening. Weimaraner 9 times out of 10 has done nothing wrong and they get on really well outside of this.

When the cocker spaniel first met my 7yo son he was nervous around him. On one of the very first meets he lunged at my son whilst barking very quickly. Hasn't happened since and with very intense supervision my son and the CS have built up a really nice bond. He feeds the dogs and the CS often is funny about eating but then my son has sometimes sat with him and hand fed him ans it's been the only way he's eaten. They will sit on the sofa together cuddling.

The CS barks when he gets out the crate and recently bit/mouthed both mine and my partners leg (separate incidents) when getting out the crate. We couldn't figure out if it was nasty or not and he seemed happy in himself. Today though he's done it to my son and its left red marks where the teeth pushed down onto his skin. It really hurt him he was in floods of tears. I picked him up instantly and the CS was jumping up at my son. Not something he's done before and u couldn't figure out if he was jumping up playfully or in an aggressive way trying to get to my son.

I've told my partner that this is enough now and I'm not happy to put my son at risk. He just keeps saying "I don't want to get rid of him" then making excuses/trying to sugar coat it, then saying "a dog is for life you don't just give up on them". I understand what he's saying but that's only if the dog is suitable for your life and family which I don't feel this dog is anymore. Even if I'm totally wrong and it's not aggression (the 2 lunges definitely were though), and we do rehome him. I feel that it still would have been the right decision as firstly we will never know, and secondly we would have never ever been able to guarantee it not happening again or even worse. That so me is the right decision.

My partner isn't even acknowledging me when I'm saying I feel the dog means more than I do. He's basically contemplating leaving the relationship if I say the dog has to go. I've told him that I don't know why he's so confident I'll even want this relationship when he has very clearly put me and my son lower down in the pecking order. I want someone that will walk through fire for me. Not ask me.to risk my families safety or he will walk away! He's even said I'm not thinking about him because I'm asking him to choose my son over the dog!!

He wants to go to the vets to see if there's something they can do help (in his words that means medication to calm him down). I've said no because if the dogs natural instinct is to be aggressive when he is in pain/anxious/scared etc etc, that I can't live the next however many years worrying that if there's something wrong with the dog this is the reaction we are going to get from him!

I feel awful that I even want this relationship still. It makes me feel I'm putting my son second but that is not true at all. Outside of this I love my partner a lot and we have a really good relationship. So it's then heartbreaking to be made to feel my partner doesn't stand in my corner.

AIBU or OTT? Should the dog go? Should I try and work on the dog and fix whatever this is if its even fixable? Do I take from this that I mean nothing to my partner?

Thanks for any help or advice as I'm going mad here 😔

He’s right, a dog is for life. So yes to a vet visit, then if that’s no help he needs to move out and live with the dog.
‘You must put your child first.

I’m a huge dog person and think Rehoming because things get hard is awful EXCEPT for when there is a child and a bite risk

rehome with a good breed rescue

if your partner won’t do that then that is the end of the partnership

And fixing things like this require huge amounts of commitment and effort which your partner clearly doesn’t have

if he’s has thw dog for ten years I get his perspective too. Dog is his priority- it is what it is

Your DS should not be sitting cuddling an unpredictable dog on the sofa

If your partner and the dog had that sort of a relationship it could be pure jealousy at the change in living arrangements. He is so old it’s unlikely he’ll get rehomed but your son … my youngest is 9 and I’d have the dog gone if he did that, but then if someone told me to get rid of my dog I’d go with the dog!! cocker spaniels are known for being bitey (we have one and it is scary how instinct is for the mouth to open although ours grabs for a teddy or toy and he’s really young so I can’t compare). This sounds like an impossible situation Op I’m so sorry

You need a dog behaviourist (a proper behaviourist, not just a trainer) and you need to put the work in when they tell you what to do. Also vet visit to rule out pain.

Given his age have you considered cocker rage? I think it’s a form of dementia and sadly a pts situation if that’s diagnosed.

I think its worth a trip to the Vets to rule out any health issues. If the dog is in pain or anything then that could be a "simple" fix to the problem assuming its solve-able.

If you can keep the CS separate from your son without causing issues, then I would consider a behavioural specialist - but you and your OH will need to invest time etc.

I'm assuming the CS gets plenty of physical and mental exercise?

As other PPs have said, I would book in with the vet and then also get a consultation with a behaviourist, then go from there. It may be something that some medication and new training can fix, but it may also not be and so rehoming will have to be seriously considered.

Just read up and I think my previous comment was incorrect. I’d definitely book a vet’s trip as a first move anyhow

You think you are going to be able to rehome a 10year old dog with dog aggression, resource guarding and a bite history?

Your partner needs to move out with his dog.
It’s unfair to ask him to rehome the dog that he’s had for 10years.
It’s not unreasonable for you to prioritise your son. It’s not unreasonable for him to prioritise his dog.

The fact your partner hasn't been to the vet yet is also an issue.

I have a 9 year old cocker who has arthritis which has massively increased in the last year. After the age of 8 must dogs start deteriorating in terms of general health. I'd wager something is up with this dog - it's the grumpiness getting out of the crate that jumped out at me as my cocker's back legs are bad and he has got quite grumpy putting his coat on which involves ending his legs.

A behaviour change needs to be looked in to asap - that's v much part of a dog being for life - commitment is about ensuring they are well cared for as well as maintaining a home. Take him to the vet yourself if your partner is going to drag his heels.

Until he's seen a vet it's really hard to pass judgement on what is right hit of course the safety of a child trumps the dog.

FYI my cs is now taking a supplement and has sone lifestyle tweaks and he seems much better so you never know.

I feel very sorry for everyone in the post it's a v sad situation.

Please call the vet.

Vet, to rule out any medical cause for the change in behaviour, then recommended behaviourist. Structure your space with baby gates and closed doors so that your dogs aren't in the same space, and your child isn't ever in the same space as the cocker spaniel. No more cuddling on the sofa, no more hand feeding, this shouldn't have been happening with an unpredictable dog. Your child is your priority and rightly so, your DP needs to throw everything he's got at sorting this out for now, and then I'd reassess maybe six months down the line.

You DO need to see a vet, you don't just deny an animal medical care when it may need it, you have a responsibility towards them. Anyone suffering with pain is grumpy, can't blame any animal for that.

By all means insist that your partner move out with the dog, your son must come first but you can't force him to give up a dog he loves, especially at an age when he would likely live out his last days in kennels. Older dogs are not easy to rehome.

He has made it clear that he wants his dog. So you need to decide what you want to do. If you want to stay together the dog is part of that. If there is nothing medically wrong with the dog then you need to reassess whether you can stay together.

Your son is your priority because he is yours. He isn't your partners responsibility. The dog is his. If it came to it I'd not put a new partner and their child over a dog I'd had 10 years. I'd be sad but it would be no contest. Sounds like he feels the same.

Also I must add with my boys arthritis there was nothing at all to see - he was more tired but he's already old. Vet tan her hands down his legs once and diagnosed his pain. There's no way I could have figured that out and I'm v attuned to my dog or at least I try!

If the house is yours I would ask him and the dog to leave. I wouldn’t force him to re home, he’ll resent you for it and the relationship will be doomed anyway. At least if he moves out you can potentially save the relationship.

You don't even know if what you're seeing is aggression. There's so much that could be going on here. No way should the kid and the dog be on the sofa together for a start. You need proper help from a behaviourist and to keep the dog and kid separate until you have professional guidance. Realistically you won't rehome a reactive 10 year old dog...you're asking your partner to put him down. It's a big ask when you aren't sure what you're looking at.

I don't see why you feel you would have to split up. If you have a 3yo dog that you got before you met your partner, then you've known him less than 3 years. He can move out with his dog and you can still see each other.

It wouldn't be forever - his dog is old! Not only would it be cruel to remove such an old dog, he doesn't have much longer. He may also be set in his ways and not enjoying living with a big young dog and a young child.

Yes to the vet visit. He may be in pain, he may have dementia, he may just have grumpy old man syndrome, but you need to check.