DD constantly loosing things at school

[SpaceRaiders]

Dd has just started Y7, she’s overwhelmed with all the moving parts, I’ve implemented a routine as much as I can for her at home but I’m at a loss on how help organise her at school.

Thus far since September she’s lost two jumpers, her hockey stick, her branded school coat and her fleece and now her trail runners have gone. Also a History textbook which her teacher is convinced she was given at the start of term, but is no where to be found. In fairness to Dd I don’t think she was ever given one. Then her guitar disappeared for a few days before half term. Homework is routinely done but lost before it’s handed in. I dread loose handouts because she misplaces them before she’s even had a chance to do the homework. She then comes home usually close to tears and beyond stressed, scared of the potential detention.

She is dyslexic and has some executive function issues anyway. I suspected inattentive ADHD for a while now but the results of her recent QBtest were inconclusive. Help, I need tips on how to help her manage?

Could she be autistic rather than adhd ? It shows up in girls most clearly at this point after secondary transition and can be hard to spot.

Reduce as many things as possible that go into school or have to be transferred between places. Checklists. Does she have a phone at school? Alarms and lists on phone. Everything labelled? Contact teacher and call a meeting, she needs support in school. Special place to put her stuff where teacher can help keep tabs. Homework to be given directly to one teacher in the morning who will distribute it. Reward system for not losing something very important eg guitar.

My youngest is the same, he's dyslexic and has inattentive ADHD.

Is everything clearly labelled with her name and form class? It might not stop her losing things but at least if everything is labelled clearly there’s a better chance of things making their way back to her - I’m a teacher and if I find an item which has the students class name on the label I would always deliver it to their class rather than reception/ lost properly.

Label everything
Does she have a timetable?
Do you help her prepare at the weekend for what's coming up, and the night before. And the morning of.

Send less to school - 2 jumpers, fleece and coat? Just send the minimum to keep her warm.

Then, each morning, a list of what needs to come back "bag, water bottle, lunchbox, coat, pe kit". Get her to repeat the list to you - along with the number of items on the list.
It took DS1 YEARS to get the hang of this, although it did have to start in Y2.

Any chance the homework also ends up online? Thankfully that's the way it's going here, which prevents some losses.
For the stuff that does make it home - take a photo so it can be recreated.

I’d be checking she isn’t being bullied. A lot of items going missing can suggest that a young person is being targeted. If it’s genuinely that she is losing track of her stuff, personally I would try to minimise the issue with her. Sounds odd I know but the more worried she is about losing things and the more stressed she is, the more disregulated she’ll become and the more likely she is to lose stuff. If you can reassure her that everyone has a hard time adapting to year 7 and that she’ll get the hang of the routine in time, and that things are replaceable, you might find the situation improves. Label everything in the hopes that the pricey stuff comes back to you, make friends with whoever runs school lost property, and make school aware so if she loses a worksheet she can email the member of staff to request a new one without being afraid of the consequences. She shouldn’t ever be penalised by school for losing things, she’s struggling to cope, not being careless. I’m sure as she settles in and feels less overwhelmed things will improve.

My D's was exactly like this. He had ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia. I just labelled everything and made him go to lost property once a week and he usually found something of his. I also sewed a bit of red ribbon into his clothes along with tags. It was easier for him to spot.

My DD was exactly the same, she came home in her PE kit in the first term of yr 7 once and left her school shoes behind, never to be seen again. I can't think too much about the cost of the stuff she loses or I'd cry. I still need to micromanage a fair bit but it has got better. At least at primary school I could just go in every few weeks and gather up the mislaid water bottles, cardigans etc now I just label everything, remind, pester and nag her all the time.

Yes absolutely everything is labelled, she has a time table which annoyingly alternates every week. It’s printed out on the notice board so that I can supervise her packing her bag each morning. Phones are locked away during the school day so setting alarms is useless. Homework is set on one note, but there seem to be a few teachers who don’t use it.

I’ve reassured her that although it’s not ideal, it’s also not the end of the world. School haven’t been as helpful as I’d have hoped thus far and there’s a few issues with lack of clear communication that are causing issues which I need to tackle. I’ve already been in for a meeting to insist they make reasonable adjustments for her dyslexia, some of which I see hasn’t been implemented. But she hates me going to school and speaking to the teachers on her behalf. So I’m torn, do I respect her wishes or go back and kick up a fuss insisting she’s properly supported.

@FallingAutumnLeaf Maybe I wasn’t clear. She’s going in with the bare minimum everyday, multiple jumpers are lost throughout the week. Also as it’s senior and she plays sports almost daily so she takes her school bag, sports duffel then her instrument. It’s a lot to manage, I know. Made harder because she gets the bus home from school so I only really notice bits are missing when she’s already home or days later. Short of going to school with her and looking for all these missing items myself I’m not sure what to do.

I’m certain she’s Autistic, Dd2 is AuDHD. But I can’t afford the 4k for a private autism diagnosis yet, given I’ve only just done so for her sister. In the meantime I need to help her manage this the best I can.

@KickHimInTheCrotch I was literally just saying the same earlier. At primary I’d just walk in to school and root around for the 20 million jumpers that were stuffed in DD’s chair bag. Doubt it would go down well if I tried that now!