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Original poster

What else will help family member who cannot work ?

30 replies

Whatcanwedoto · 13/11/2023 19:02

one of my siblings has had to give up work and is on UC - we (her siblings) want to help but know we can’t gift her money as will take her over the limit for savings so we’ve been discussing and so far have the ideas :
-twice a week cleaner
-vouchers for food shopping

Shes very stressed so we thought as well helping by paying for self care things such as counselling, hair appts and massage ?

We regularly take round meals/baking for her too

Shes caring for SEN dc and has chronic health conditions herself , waiting for pip so currently having stress (and was sanctioned once - we made up the difference)

Is there anything else ?

OP posts:
nobodysdaughternow · 13/11/2023 19:05

Does her dc get DLA?

Does she have an expensive rent/mortgage?

Does she have debts?

From your description it sounds as though she should be ok, unless she also has/hasn't the above.

nobodysdaughternow · 13/11/2023 19:07

P.S you sound awesome siblings, I'm jealous!

Original poster
Whatcanwedoto · 13/11/2023 19:11

nobodysdaughternow · 13/11/2023 19:05

Does her dc get DLA?

Does she have an expensive rent/mortgage?

Does she have debts?

From your description it sounds as though she should be ok, unless she also has/hasn't the above.

Waiting for dla as well - so as soon as she gets that she will be ok as UC will consider her a carer and stop work requirements. Her pip was declined so she’s appealing and apparently the wait for dla is about 5 months !!!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Benefits
Shopper727 · 13/11/2023 19:13

That’s so lovely you sound fab, I think all of those things are great ideas
i wish you were my siblings
shes lucky to have you all

AnneElliott · 13/11/2023 19:42

I assume you could just give her cash for food shopping if you don't want to run it through her bank account?

determinedtomakethiswork · 13/11/2023 23:54

A supermarket card that topped up every month?

determinedtomakethiswork · 13/11/2023 23:54

It depends what's most useful for her. Is it self-care, or money, or someone to help her with the housework?

POTC · 14/11/2023 00:08

She needs to see a different advisor, pip and dla are not required to be taken off the work search path, it's a separate assessment form the uc advisor can request. Work Cspability Assessment. I don't get PIP but was able to have the work search part removed, a gp signing you off will trigger the assessment.
As for the dc having SEN, that doesn't require dla. My son is autistic, no dla, they marked me down as a carer anyway which reduces your number of hours commitment.

StBrides · 14/11/2023 00:10

That's wonderful of you all. What a supportive family you are too each other, these ideas are really thoughtful.

AdoraBell · 14/11/2023 00:14

Paying for food and clothes is good if you.

Babyroobs · 14/11/2023 00:15

It is fine to give her money as long as it's spent before the last day of her UC assessment period, which i assume it would be if she needs that money for living costs.

Gingerkittykat · 14/11/2023 00:25

She needs to hand in sick notes to UC which will trigger a work capability assessment after 12 weeks and if she is found unfit for work it will turn off her work search and she might get extra money too. It is separate from PIP.

You sound like a caring sister, I would also suggest helping out if her child needs new clothes or things for school and helping her buy Xmas presents for him.

Happiestonthebeach · 14/11/2023 01:44

What a lovely family you are!

Would filling her car up with petrol help? Let her use your next account or something to order children’s clothes?
Take her car for the mot?
Some vouchers for her to be able to buy Christmas gifts?

HiddenLegoOuch · 14/11/2023 03:43

Thank you for being such pro-active, caring siblings. You will be making a huge difference to your sister, more than you may even realise.

KindaDefinitelyMaybe · 14/11/2023 03:57

When my Mum was struggling financially after my Stepdad died and she went onto very basic pension, me and my brother would give her £100 a month each. I have a joint Monzo account with DH and we both also get a personal account, so I paid the £5 for an extra card and gave that to my Mum. It meant she could spend it wherever but it was separate to her benefits account (she was getting pension credit)

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/11/2023 04:21

Supermarket card, definitely. Sainsbury's has a card where one person has one card to use for shopping and the other card is held by another person for topping up. That way no money goes through the bank account.

Spencer0220 · 14/11/2023 04:46

I would also suggest Amazon vouchers. That way, if she suddenly realises she needs something for the house etc. she can get it without having to ask.

If she's struggling with transportation, and you have the time, offer to run her places. When my sister struggled a few years back, we'd go shopping together and she'd grab whatever she needed and I'd pay at the end for both of us

sashh · 14/11/2023 04:55

I'd just like to say what an amazing family you sound.

One thing you could do is if you have a credit card get a second card for her. My carer has a spare card for my credit card so he can buy things for me.

Rather than vouchers would it be better to have shopping delivered? Caring for a child with SEN and having chronic health issues are both tiring.

How about having her child(ren) overnight to give her some time to herself? I realise that SEN might prevent this but babysitting so she can spend some time to herself, even if you are in the same house.

For me a bath with a glass of wine is the ultimate luxury.

@Babyroobs No it isn't fine, it's counted as 'unearned income' and taken of £ for £.

Newstaronthehorizon · 14/11/2023 04:57

Pay off her credit card bills directly with the credit card company as this does not go through her bank account.

Set up bank accounts for each of her DC and put money directly into them.

Set up Online shopping/ deliveries which you pay for .

Do a home and maintenance check every month.

Arrange day trips/ breaks for the DC and her together or separately.

Ask her.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 14/11/2023 15:15

What a lovely family you are
I'm on lifelong disability benefits( but not UC)
I have an extra credit card for my sons account and we have a joint supermarket account for deliveries
I think you can add her to Monzo too
When her son gets DLA she will be able to apply to the family fund

LakeTiticaca · 14/11/2023 15:33

You can give her cash. Won't affect UC unless you tell them

Pluckingoutofthinair · 14/11/2023 15:45

This post made me well up, I wish I had siblings like you. Mine disappeared 10 years ago when I became ill and was unable to work (and help my siblings with childcare). It's a very big adjustment not working and I still struggle with the stigma of being on benefits and the worry of them being taken away. The things I wish I had/have are

  • someone that asked me how I was really feeling (and actually cared),
  • I didn't want childcare because I like being with my children but I can't easily get out with them so would have loved for someone to take us all out (because I feel very guilty that my health has adversely affected my dc childhood),
  • shopping vouchers would be helpful (but make sure it's a voucher that can be used online if needed),
  • adult company,
  • I'd worry about a cleaner that you felt my house was a mess (so that would be dependent on your dsis and how you think she'd take that suggestion),
  • help with gardening/DIY. Because I own my own home (council wouldn't prioritise me if I sold up because I'd have equity and private landlords wouldn't make the adaptations) living in a house that's not right for me/ needs lots doing to it would really help to have some practical support,
  • ask your sister because things change, now it might be some shopping, when she gets pip it might be something practical, it changes over time,
  • I've started counselling on the NHS (years of waiting) would definitely recommend though, however it's costing me £15 a week using community transport, which I am prioritising because it will benefit me and my dc but it's making things extra tight and therefore I'd love someone to offer to take me (even if it's only occasionally it would help),

Most importantly allow your sister to make decisions, be as independent as she can but know that your their for her. Because actually the loneliness, lack of routine, stigma and media portrayal, being treated like a child/ignored because your in a wheelchair, lack of practical support, inability to provide dc with the childhood you imagine is so much harder to deal with than the lack of money (although that's hard too). But I think you sound kind and caring siblings so I hhink you'll find ways to support her.

Babyroobs · 14/11/2023 16:53

sashh · 14/11/2023 04:55

I'd just like to say what an amazing family you sound.

One thing you could do is if you have a credit card get a second card for her. My carer has a spare card for my credit card so he can buy things for me.

Rather than vouchers would it be better to have shopping delivered? Caring for a child with SEN and having chronic health issues are both tiring.

How about having her child(ren) overnight to give her some time to herself? I realise that SEN might prevent this but babysitting so she can spend some time to herself, even if you are in the same house.

For me a bath with a glass of wine is the ultimate luxury.

@Babyroobs No it isn't fine, it's counted as 'unearned income' and taken of £ for £.

Monetary gifts of a reasonable amount are not counted as unearned income.

Pemba · 16/11/2023 16:11

What is defined as a reasonable amount though?

I see @Babyroobs says you can pay money into their account without it affecting their benefits, but @sashh says it is taken off pound for pound as 'unearned income'. Why the discrepancy I wonder? Different benefits?

My relative is on UC and she assures me me that only amounts over £6,000 affect her benefits (which has happened to her when she got a small inheritance, she had to stop her claim for a while and live off it). But I do worry, particularly with the proposal by the government to snoop in the bank accounts of all claimants.

Pemba · 16/11/2023 16:18

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/11/2023 04:21

Supermarket card, definitely. Sainsbury's has a card where one person has one card to use for shopping and the other card is held by another person for topping up. That way no money goes through the bank account.

This sounds like a good idea, @OrderOfTheKookaburra , as it would avoid actual cash going through the receiving relative's account.

But does anyone know if any other supermarket does this? Because Sainsbury's are a bit more on the expensive side, and obviously every penny counts. My own relative normally goes to Aldi but I think they don't do delivery. Just tried asking Asda and they were a bit clueless!

Sorry to hijack your thread @Whatcanwedoto.

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