Feeling disturbed in someway by reading forum threads online?

[exlibremachina]

Sometimes when I read threads on mumsnet or on any forum it gets me thinking about things or rather ruminating on things from my own life, my past, or even things that don't really concern me. In one way it is interesting to read and then think though other peoples experiences and views and I feel like I have gained a lot of insight from doing so. On the other hand it can feel like I have given headspace to other peoples thoughts which I then ruminate on even though I do not share their problem or experience. Alternatively an issue in my past which I had made peace with can be re-opened by a thread leading me to unpack it all mentally.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with this, I do think it can be beneficial at times and you can sort of think your way into another persons point of view but often I just feel like it takes up my focus and time or makes me dwell on things I don't need to, they disturb me on some level and if I hadn't been online looking at the forum these things wouldn't have been on my mind at all. For example the thread where the woman wasn't invited out with her friends, it doesn't really concern me but I felt upset by it all the same all the possible causes and implications.

I find if I read a book instead I don't get quite as sucked into mental rumination although of course reading a book often makes me think more deeply on something. Perhaps its just the sense of letting so many other peoples thoughts into my own mental space that is disturbing, as opposed to with an author it is just one person.

Does anyone else get this feeling ever?

Yes, I think I know what you mean. Sometimes it's interesting to see inside someone else's world, but other times it can weigh on you and add to your own stresses. I think it very much depends on your current state of mind, and I think it's never a good thing to spend too long on social media. You just need to be in the real world more than the online one.

Thanks for responding and knowing what I mean @GertrudeKerfuffle I am not online all that often but I think I check in on mumsnet or other forums at lunchtime or when I am on a break as I work from home on my own and the chat online is like a substitute for office chat, I do go back to work but I do think too much about things I have read at times. I am not aware of feeling especially vulnerable except that I do have a tendency to ruminate a bit (not uncommon I think) and that even extends to ruminating on other peoples concerns!

@exlibremachina I get this! I think it's because you often read forums in real time so those events and feelings are happening to the OP as you're reading. Things unfold as you watch and people chip in with their own thoughts, which brings up even more feelings. Forums also cover a huge range of topics and most of them either involve a situation that can set off your anxiety OR something you didn't even know you needed to worry about until that moment lol. A book is more linear. The plot doesn't change. Also it's likely to be fictional! I often have to take breaks from Mumsnet when it gets too much, especially for topics that trigger my anxiety.

Yes! I think scrolling and absorbing others issues can’t be good for you

@DarlingClementine85 Thanks for this post, I think this is a good explanation of what is going on. I agree it makes me concerned about things I didn't know I needed to worry about or I genuinely feel worried for the person on the thread its good to be empathetic but its probably not useful to do so to the point of feeling upset.

I don't think self reflection is always a bad thing but I do always feel wary of investing too much time into the snapshot of lives of internet strangers when there's much more benefit to investing in your own real life. Also important to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are and what they are saying is almost certainly not always true. Mumsnet is certainly not exempt from that.

@dontgobaconmyheart Yeah I have thought that I could be feeling upset for someone and it could be a big troll.

Maybe that's why it's called doom scrolling
I do this.
Then I think why am I doing this?
It's NOT my problem
Then an hour later I'm back in mums net.
In my case it's a definitely a distraction from my own thoughts

I know what you mean but I dont 'feel' anything when reading people's threads as such.

I am prone to rumination but thats about things that are happening to me specifically.

I think there is a massive problem in modern society where over thinking and self absorption/introspection has become over used and unhelpful, all sold as 'insight and self reflection'. It usually results in huge hand wringing and naval gazing.

If we then compound that by overly investing in other's experiences its all too much.

Yes, I'm a ruminator too and it is easy to find new things to worry about

I try to balance this by offering advice on situations I can help with and looking for constructive advice for myself to try and stay away from the doom-scrolling. Keep that torrent of worries out! Of course this is easier said than done

Yes I totally get this! Some years ago there was a thread asking what 3 things you think about mostly. I dutifully answered something like my children, what's for dinner, current affairs. But actually it is often quite random, based on what I've read on here. In a way it's quite good, pondering on other people's thoughts on things. My perspective on a whole lot of things has changed, and it's good to read other people's points of view.
BUT it does sometimes lead to ruminating about how I live my life, and how other people might see me, and sometimes a worry about the things I did wrong bringing my children up in the 90s.
I also turn to books when I start feeling that way, and I try to give supporting replies on some threads as @GertrudeKerfuffle says. I also try to avoid AIBU because it gets stressful.
I cherish MN for the varied subjects that come up, links, recommendations etc so it is a fine balance for me.

I agree that introspection and self reflection are great up to a point but at some point it becomes unhelpful rumination.

I agree.