Tell me a joke!

[FridgeJenga]

I’ve had a rubbish day, cheer me up by telling me your best joke please?

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsssh!

Q: What do you call a man with fifty rabbits up his bottom?
A: Warren!

I'll get my coat...

Which celebrity is always ready for a bowl of cereal?

Reese Witherspoon

What do u call a dog that can do magic?

a Labracadabra

Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A 🥕!

What do you call a very overweight clairvoyant?

A four chin telller

David Cameron’s in the cabinet

DS' current favourite
why can't an egg keep a secret?
Because they crack under the pressure

What’s the name of the Scottish chef.
Dinner Ken.

I entered ten puns into a competition, hoping one of them would win. But no pun in ten did.

Two wind turbines in a field. One asks the other”So what music do you like?”
The other responds “I’m a big metal fan”

God said “Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life”
But Bob came fifth and received a toaster.

A Norwich man has been detained in a psychiatric hospital after telling his doctor he thought he was an armchair. A hospital spokesman has described his condition as 'comfortable'.

A pair of curtains went to the doctor. Doctor told him to pull himself together.

Knock knock
who's there?
woo
woo who?
wooo hoooooo (waving)

sorry!

My grandparents were called Pearl and Dean.
We didn't call them that of course, we called them grandma and papapapapapapapapapapa.

How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.

What is the difference between a manky depot and a lobster with enormous tits?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

What do you get when you cross a dog and an egg?

A pooched egg.

How to ghosts get up on to the roof?

They use the monstairs.

A large hole has appeared in the middle of Oxford Street. The police are looking into it