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Thoughtless ex friend

6 replies

LeggyLegsEleven · 13/11/2023 12:11

I was part of a friendship group for more than a decade.
I was particularly close to one of them. Saw them several times a week, had contact several times a day, went on holiday etc.
One day she just went cold on us. Later on it became clear when her now DH proposed. We then got evening wedding invites only. There was quite a lot of drama over the hen do as we were the main people invited but she wasn’t really speaking to us but still expected us to spend a fortune on it and a whole weekend. It ended up being greatly reduced, she ignored us all night. Went to the wedding, she also ignored us.
Over the next few years we had some contact, the odd lunch. People moved and had babies and group fizzled, but I’m good friends with 2 still.
The last time I had any direct contact with her was about 7 years ago apart from odd Facebook comments.
The last 5/6 years have been awful for me. I know she knows about some of it, not all, but some.
One of my good friends saw her at a Christmas Fair yesterday.
Basically she’s had some great news and things are going brilliantly for her, so she wants me to call her so we can go out and she can tell me all about it. She then messaged her later on to remind her to ask me. Didn’t message me herself even.
I should point out my friend only told me as she’s so shocked, didn’t even ask how I was or anything, nor has she in the past when she’s seen her.
Im just shocked that someone who I would have at one point thought of a close friend can be so self interested.

I don’t even know why I’ve written this, is just why do people just become disappointing the older you get. You’d think people would improve with age.

OP posts:
Fosre · 13/11/2023 12:19

If you weren't really speaking, why did any of you bother spending a fortune on her hen do? Doing things like that then moaning like it's her fault is bizarre. You didn't have to go.

People can be disappointing, yes. Ignore her request to meet up and carry on as before. I hope things get better for you soon.

LeggyLegsEleven · 13/11/2023 12:22

It was greatly reduced, that’s what I said. It was actually just a meal in the end. She wanted us to spend a whole weekend away and activities and we wouldn’t.

OP posts:
MrsPinkL · 13/11/2023 12:29

I don’t really understand the hurt or upset here, it’s been 7 years she has made it clear that she doesn’t want your friendship. Given that she ignored you at the hen and her wedding I’m not sure why her behaviour is shocking? Just ignore the request to meet and go about your life as were already doing.

In future if someone is unkind, cold to you don’t bother attending a wedding or whatever. Life is too short to attend events people don’t want you at

RailwayAnna · 13/11/2023 12:34

Let me guess, has she just become massively successful in some kind of MLM scam, and wants to show you her juice products/candles/cooking equipment/perfume/travel agent opportunities?

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 13/11/2023 13:18

It's sad isn't it. people do change as they get older but not always for the better.

I'd ignore the 3rd party request to contact your ex-friend as it's not even a direct request from her and you just know it's going to be a shit experience - and I'd go nc from now on.
If she ever asks you why (she won't), tell her the truth.

LeggyLegsEleven · 13/11/2023 14:31

I think the behaviour at the wedding was to do with how it had gone. She invited very few people to the day but (fine) but when we came at night there was a couple of elderly relatives sitting on the edge of an empty disco floor. No one danced and she complained to one of our friends that she thought we would come and change that. We also all left early after being ignored and no food.

She does have an MLM personality she’s very ‘fake it till you make it’. But no, sad she doesn’t want to sell me weight loss coffee as it would be funny.

I have no intention of contacting her. I had moved on already. It just has happened during a particularly bad week that she thinks I want to meet up to stroke her ego/rub my face in things.

OP posts:
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