Is 1 ok?

[Themumofone]

Obvious answer is: of course one child is ok! No children is ok! 4+ children is ok! Then why as a mum of one 3 year old, am I feeling bad?

My DH is very clear that he doesn't want any more children. We like quiet, our own space and time to ourselves. I think we thought we might change more once DS was born and while we of course adapted, it was definitely harder than we both thought. Fast forward to now though and the nice coffee maker has replaced the steriliser on the kitchen counter, theres more money for a bottle of prosecco now nappies are off the shopping list and I can eat a meal with minimal distractions.

I am now at the stage however where the mum's having their first children at the same time as me are now expecting or already have more. I can't phrase it in a way to sound less ridiculous but it hits me with a pang of jealousy and the worry that the perception would be that my DS is so difficult that I couldn't bear to have another - or a sense of failure at motherhood. There is also a degree of sadness I feel completely closing a chapter when I am only 31.

Can anyone understand this or decipher this constant conflict of emotions going on in my head?

It's completely understandable. I have one it's great but there is a sense that two would've been more normal/better. As an older mum I worry about when I'm gone. But my DD has lots of cousins so that helps.

If your DH won't budge then you're hands are tied. However he should be in responsible for the contraception.

If you do make your peace with one, I know that a dog can often be a good addition to the family dynamic.

Why doesn’t your dh want another?

and when he made this clear to you, did you agree or were you also in agreement?

Having a sibling is no certainty of company, two of my kids don’t speak.
I think, with things costing what they do, that you’re better off with one who can (hopefully) inherit and have some help financially.
there are many, many children without siblings.

I absolutely love having one. I wanted more but it is what it is. Now i love it. I always ask if he wants or wanted siblings and he always said no from a really young age. He has cousins and friends. 'one and done, i like my sleep!' is what i used to say when people asked if i was having more.

For us one is just perfect.

Yes, one is more than OK, it's brilliant!

1 for me would not have been ok because I was desperate and always had been for more.

1 per se is absolutely ok!!

One for us has to be ok as I can't have anymore due to medical reasons so decision made for us.

You learn to accept it, embrace and appreciate what you have and eventually you will see it's ok.

A version of this thread crops up every day, it seems. It is absolutely fine to have one child if that is what you both want.

I have been in your position. My husband was really against another child whereas I would have liked a sibling for our Son. However, I valued his support more than another baby so was happy to have just the one. DS age 4 started school in September and has been asking about siblings over the last couple of months. DH has obviously picked up on this and has opened a conversation around now having another baby. My plan was to always have two close in age and if it got to a 5 year age gap then I probably would just stick with an only child. However, I have progressed my career and I earn significantly more than I did when DS was born. The company I now work for offer much better maternity pay and flexible working. DS is now at a lovely age where things are very easy with him and now feels like the right time to give him a sibling, financially and mentally.

At the time I was quite upset that DH didn’t want any more children but it feels like a blessing in disguise. I’m not saying your husband will change his mind but it can be possible. I do totally understand how you feel when comparing yourself to others who are now having second children.

1 is too many.

It does doesn’t it. We have one and are delighted to have her and not intending on any more.