I was moved to a new office 8 months ago based on the business need of my organisation. I like the office and the people are nice but it is a huge challenge for me logistically as it is completely the opposite direction to the rest of my life (DC schools and any activity they do etc etc). I raised objections/concerns in the first place but that didn't make any difference - it is a large and inflexible organisation.
Yesterday I had a job interview for a sideways move which would be much nearer to home. I came second. I know who got the job - they're lovely but I have a lot more relevant experience. It was a behaviours based interview and I clearly didn't say as good as things as them. There were two interview panels and theirs contained the manager for that location which feels very unfair.
I feel utterly deflated and I'm not sure how much more I can take. The pressure of trying to juggle all the travelling is killing me. My house is an utter tip and falling apart, my kids are miserable because they never really see me, I look like shit because I don't have the time to look after myself properly. It's not even like it's really well paid so we don't have any money to enjoy anything nice. I look around me and all I see is that I'm failing at everything. I work so fucking hard in a job which is really challenging. I've voluntarily stepped up into some leadership roles recently as we've been without management and I feel like it's been thrown in my face. I'm going to look for something else as I'm done but there is very little around us. I'm generally very resilient but I just feel so low. I haven't had a day off sick in 3 years but I'm considering it now as I'm not sure I can cope anymore. I feel like I've been pushed to breaking point.
No real point to this post except that writing it down feels helpful.