Disliked on first sight?

[salsmum]

Have you ever disliked someone for apparently no real reason and then later found out you were right to stand clear of them? Are our gut instincts in this case always right?.

Yes very nearly always right - I read people within seconds

Yup

Other people do the same

Yes. Ignore it at your peril, however nice, friendly, charismatic they are, and how much you tell yourself you're being daft.

Primeval gut instinct is not to be messed with.

Yes. Follow your instincts.

Go with your first instincts!
It's generally correct

It's happened a LOT. I know, within seconds, if I like someone. Sometimes, I've not been able to pinpoint why I don't like the person, but then something has happened and I've been shown to be right in disliking them.

I really try not to judge people at first sight because I think there can be a lot more to a person than meets the eye. If I a gut negative feeling about someone I would probably be cautious but try to reserve judgment. I’ve had people judge me at first sight, I think because I have an unusual accent, and once was told by someone that they thought I was only pretending to be nice. I was a lot younger then but it was hurtful so I try to give others the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, I trust it.

Yes, it's happened a few times. Interestingly, almost always turns out they have some history of sexual assaults/abuse - so I must have a nose for it.

I have lots of examples in my personal life, but I once worked for a children's charity as a volunteer coordinator (I was in charge of recruiting, background checking, and managing volunteers who worked one-to-one with children and their families). We had a volunteer apply who instantly just gave me a wrong feeling. I never felt this way about any of our volunteers before. My gut just said no. I took it to my manager, who supported me and my instincts. We had to go through the process of interviewing the volunteer and doing his DBS checks and go through all the motions, and he came with reams of references from all the other organisations he volunteers with (children's sports teams, scouts, etc.). On paper, he looked good, but there just something not right that I couldn't put my finger on. He turned out to have several recent traffic violations - like for speeding or running a red light or something similar - not bad enough to have lost his license, but more than one so he had quite a few points.

Anyway, my manager was able to use the driving issue as a reason we couldn't accept him (the role did involve the potential for some driving with children in the car). It all kicked up and he reported me to the national office and there was a big faff with our PR people about trying to not make it blow up into something that he could go to the media about. They finally managed to deal with him and get him to go away.

6 months later, I was sitting at my desk reading the paper and having a coffee before I started work for the day (this was in the days when we still read the actual paper!), and there he was in the newspaper having been arrested and charged with grooming a child online and other child sex offences. I was right. My gut knew. I got a thank you, in fact, from our national office for speaking up and making such a fuss, even though they'd previously been a bit annoyed at having to deal with him and probably would have rather I just approved his application.

Trust your gut. It's telling you something. The Gift of Fear is worth a read.

Yes. A man I used to work with, seemed quiet and professional enough but my radar went off within the first two minutes. There was just something 'simmering' and not quire right, made me feel uncomfortable and worried. And I'm really not a worrier. Mostly I'm quite happy go lucky. But he really gave me the jitters.

A couple of years later he beat his live-in girlfriend nearly to death. Then claimed it was her fault. He went to prison for it.

Your gut is there for a reason. Do not ignore

Yes, I can recall one, who later went to prison for fraud.

Yes and no. I tend to give everyone a chance but keep the ones I have an immediate sixth sense about at arms length.
I wasn’t surprised when one of my patients was convicted of historic rape of a minor.
I had a similar chat with a criminal lawyer I know. I asked him if he could tell who was guilty or not. He said that they had a habit of trying to guess what a client had been accused of before they were given the brief. So when the client first walked in they could almost always guess whether they had been accused of rape, physical or sexual abuse of partner or paedophilia. They were spot on with almost all their clients.
I have to say that after over 35yrs treating patients I still get an immediate physical reaction with some patients before they have even opened their mouths. Those are the ones I won’t see on my own.

Don't ignore your gut feeling.

I’ve had this myself and no I don’t ignore my gut.

I’ve also had this done to me. In my mid 20s I was introduced to a mutual friend by a close friend of mine, who said we’d get on. We had a nice evening but this woman proceeded towards the end to be really unpleasant and anything we had in common, she made out she was above me and nothing like me, so she disliked me at first sight/meeting! No idea why, I was very nice to her and that evening. Turned out this woman had lost both parents in a car crash as a child and been brought up by grandparents and found it hard to trust people and form relationships. I had no idea of the car crash when we met.

Nearly always with one honorable exception. One man had so much charisma I change fell for his charms and thought my first reaction had been wrong then he ripped off my friend

Yep, flatmate's boyfriend

Disliked him from the minute I met him having breakfast in our kitchen after a "one-night stand". I was used to flatmate having random chaps over so it wasn't that, I specifically disliked him, his smug face and the way he was bossing me around in my own kitchen.

He then became her boyfriend and things were ok for a few weeks

Ultimately though he turned out to be a controlling, cheating arsehole

Yes. Immediate visceral reaction that I've never felt before or since, despite her being very sweet and chatty. Dead behind the eyes, shark eyes. Ended up having an affair with my husband and spent years trying to destroy me and my kids in any way she could. The only person I would genuinely describe as a psychopath. Weirdly my mum felt exactly the same about her.

This ^

Your gut tells you something is 'off' with someone for a reason.

Sometimes you can just tell you won't like someone.