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Original poster

Should I pay her?

24 replies

Drdoomish · 09/11/2023 21:27

My friend bought me a ticket for an event when I hadn't said I'd go. Before I knew the ticket price, I said I might be interested. When I knew the ticket price, I was miffed she'd bought me a ticket, as I'd have said no to going. As she'd already bought the tickets, i figured I'd go and have a good time with my friend.

She's now had a flare up of an existing condition. It means she won't be able to go to the event. I don't want to go enough to try to find a friend to buy her ticket.

Should I pay her for my ticket that I never asked her to buy in the first place? £40 is a lot to write off for me at the moment. Less so for her.

Would you pay her for the ticket?

OP posts:
BiggerBadderBrainfogged · 09/11/2023 21:40

£40 is a lot to write off for me at the moment. Less so for her.

It reads like you explicitly said you wouldn’t go if you knew the ticket price. Did you make it clear to her that the only reason you were going was because she’d got the ticket already, but you would have said no if you’d known the cost? If so then I’d tell her the above and see if she can take the financial hit. If not, it might be tricky to untangle yourself without damaging your relationship so if there is a chance of that, ask yourself if the friendship is worth more than £40.

Original poster
Drdoomish · 09/11/2023 21:48

I've not seen her since she bought the tickets.

If I'd known the ticket price before she bought me a ticket, I'd have explicitly told her I didn't want to go as I thought it was an overpriced event.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 09/11/2023 21:50

Can you not try to sell the pair on?

TwoDozenWomen · 09/11/2023 21:54

Its really unfair to buy someone a ticket before they know how much it will cost. I don't think this is your problem - you didn't ask her to buy the ticket. But it might cause a falling out.

Original poster
Drdoomish · 09/11/2023 21:56

Whataretheodds · 09/11/2023 21:50

Can you not try to sell the pair on?

Is that on me to do though?

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 09/11/2023 21:58

Drdoomish · 09/11/2023 21:56

Is that on me to do though?

Show quote history

More chance of getting some money back if both of you do it. Do you want some cash or do you want to be in the right?

NuffSaidSam · 09/11/2023 22:02

As I understand it:

She said 'I've bought us tickets to go to X event'

You said 'erm...yeah ok, sure. I might be interested in that.'

She said 'Great, you owe me £40'

At this point, you thought to yourself, but never said to her, that it was too much and you'd rather not go?

If that's the case then the ticket is yours and yes you need to pay her on the basis that she's not a mind reader.

If you said, 'oh no sorry, that's too much I don't want the ticket, find someone else' then of course you don't owe her the cost of the ticket.

BiggerBadderBrainfogged · 09/11/2023 22:26

You say you’ve not seen her since she got the tickets, but she must have told you she got them and they cost £40? Did you express at all that you had no intention of paying that much had you known before she got them?

If you left it and didn’t tell her straight away, then she must have somewhat reasonably assumed you accepted the cost of the ticket. If so, it puts you into tricky water and your response depends on what you know about her and how much you value the friendship.

I have friends I could easily tell your first post to and they wouldn’t blink and absolutely suck up the cost of the ticket. I have other friends where it would leave a stain. You need to figure out where you are with this friend and, worse case scenario, consider if £40 is worth more than their friendship.

truetruebarneymcgrew · 09/11/2023 22:51

Hmmm tricky, it sounds like a miscommunication. But how did you answer? Do you make a vague "maybe, depends on ticket price?"
Or did you just say "maybe?"
I think if it's the first she should have told you the ticket price first, if it's the latter with a noncommittal response it's harder to interpret eg some folk will take the maybe as a yes, others will interpret it as a no, and some would take it as it's meant and ask for further confirmation.
As non of us were privy to your conversation I don't think it's possible to judge the situation.
Unless after she purchase the ticket you said something along the lines of "okay, do you want to travel together or meet there?" In which case you have committed yourself to purchasing the ticket.
It's really tough one, as she shouldn't have purchased the ticket without your consent, but you could have said as soon as she purchased it 'no, sorry I didn't say I would go, I needed the ticket price first, I did mention that too you at the time, as I said things were tight for me just now".

Maddy70 · 09/11/2023 22:54

Sell them.both on a resale site like twickets, viagogo

TeaKitten · 09/11/2023 22:57

Drdoomish · 09/11/2023 21:56

Is that on me to do though?

Show quote history

Well no but she’s your friend and is currently unwell. Many friends like to help eachother out.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2023 23:09

Maddy70 · 09/11/2023 22:54

Sell them.both on a resale site like twickets, viagogo

Yea

Lavender14 · 09/11/2023 23:12

Tell her you'll offer to sell the tickets on. She's not well, she's likely done this in good faith as you hadn't told her you couldn't afford it before she bought the tickets and it means you'll hopefully get your money back. More likely you'll sell them on as a pair than one ticket. Then split what you get.

pinkdelight · 09/11/2023 23:15
  • As I understand it:

She said 'I've bought us tickets to go to X event'

You said 'erm...yeah ok, sure. I might be interested in that.'

She said 'Great, you owe me £40'*

I thought it was more like:

Her: I'm thinking of going to x, d'you fancy it.

OP: might be interested, dunno.

Later...

Her: I've bought us two tickets. You owe me forty quid.

OP: Um... (thinks yikes I didn't wanna go especially not at that price but this is awks now)... okay, it'll be nice to go with you.

Later...

Her: I'm not going any more. Deal with it.

I think it sucks but you should've said no when she bought them. The most you can do now is not be too nice any say "sorry you're ill. Best to resell the pair because I was only going to be with you, I wasn't that fussed for the event as I said to start with before you bought them." You might have to be a bit firm and even perhaps unreasonable but otherwise you're stuck with it.

Original poster
Drdoomish · 09/11/2023 23:17

All arranged via messaging, not in person.

Event ad shared. I replied "could be interesting". Next message is that she's bought us tickets and is really excited about going. I replied, "oh wow. I hope I'm free. I'll let you know." The conversation then moved on.

I looked into the event myself later and found out the price. I figured she'd already bought the tickets, so I'd suck up the ticket cost and have a good time with her. I didn't go back on messaging and tell her I'd decided to go or the reason why.

Neither of us have mentioned it since on messaging. I haven't seen her since she bought the tickets, as the 2 times we were due to meet up, she cancelled. Her regular cancelling of us meeting up is also another reason I wouldn't have been happy committing £40.

At no point has she asked me for the £40. Today's message about the flare up means I know the event is very likely to come up in messaging soon. I don't know if she'll ask me for the money, and I don't know if I want to offer it without being prompted.

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 09/11/2023 23:17

If that was me I would text my friend and say ' you will have more luck selling them as a pair and then we will be quits/ or let me know if there is a shortfall.

Namerequired · 09/11/2023 23:18

You didn’t say no when she bought them and give her a chance to sell them on/refund them, so yes it’s on you to pay at this point. Try to sell the pair on, and yes that’s also at least partially on you and more so if she is ill.
She’s already losing her £40 if they don’t sell, and while she shouldn’t have bought them without confirmation from you, your time for this argument has passed.

kaka79 · 09/11/2023 23:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NuffSaidSam · 09/11/2023 23:38

Given that you never confirmed that you'd go and she hasn't actually asked you for the money I think you're worrying unnecessarily.

For future reference, I would work on being a bit clearer with your communication. You say she's flaky, but so are you in this interaction. Give a clear yes or no, solves all this hassle.

Original poster
Drdoomish · 10/11/2023 07:11

Give a clear yes or no, solves all this hassle.

I would have done if she'd come back to me about it @NuffSaidSam I don't care enough about the event to bring it up in conversation. She's likely to next week when the event approaches, as she was excited about going.

I know her well enough that if she wants the money, she'll ask for it. If she does, I'll pay her as it's not worth falling out over. I love her too much.

If she doesn't ask for the money... That's where my question lies.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 10/11/2023 07:24

Drdoomish · 10/11/2023 07:11

Give a clear yes or no, solves all this hassle.

I would have done if she'd come back to me about it @NuffSaidSam I don't care enough about the event to bring it up in conversation. She's likely to next week when the event approaches, as she was excited about going.

I know her well enough that if she wants the money, she'll ask for it. If she does, I'll pay her as it's not worth falling out over. I love her too much.

If she doesn't ask for the money... That's where my question lies.

If she doesn't ask then don't pay. From the interaction so far, it doesn't even sound like she's expecting you to go.

TeaKitten · 10/11/2023 07:37

Drdoomish · 10/11/2023 07:11

Give a clear yes or no, solves all this hassle.

I would have done if she'd come back to me about it @NuffSaidSam I don't care enough about the event to bring it up in conversation. She's likely to next week when the event approaches, as she was excited about going.

I know her well enough that if she wants the money, she'll ask for it. If she does, I'll pay her as it's not worth falling out over. I love her too much.

If she doesn't ask for the money... That's where my question lies.

If you love her so much why not help her out by trying to sell the tickets?

rookiemere · 10/11/2023 07:46

Oh for goodness sake, she is meant to be your friend.
Message her and say "I'm sorry you're having a flare up. Do you think you'll be able to go and see The XXs next Saturday? If not do you want to try to sell the tickets as a pair ? "

BiggerBadderBrainfogged · 10/11/2023 12:50

I would just let sleeping dogs lie. Don’t bring it up and see if she asks for the money.

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