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Original poster

I think I’ve fallen for my friend …

20 replies

oldposterchangedname · 09/11/2023 20:52

I’m a bit confused by it all.

Been friends for about a year or so, we work together. Have other mutual friends. Both of us are single. I’m openly bisexual and friend has said to me she is also open to the idea of a relationship with another woman - when drunk told me she was very, very open to it.

I feel daft but I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve not felt this way for anyone in a very long time and when I have it’s not been someone I could have had a relationship with. Various reasons.

It didn’t dawn on me until a couple of days ago - went out for dinner together and I had a bit of butterflies when we were talking …. then walking home with her and she said how much she wishes she had someone, would love to be in a relationship, said she was just wanting closeness and cuddles, and did I ever wish that too? I don’t know if that was her trying to drop hints.

We have so much in common, she’s so funny, sensitive, kind, gentle, we care about the same things, she makes me laugh, and I just love her.

I don’t know what to do. If I’m wrong I’m going to ruin a lovely friendship. If I’m right that’s amazing, but I don’t know. Plus other mutual friends who will get dragged in either way and might react funny, I don’t know. Given we all work together am I best just trying to forget it? Or just see how things go?

OP posts:

CrapBucket · 09/11/2023 20:54

Forget about the friendship side of it - what’s the work relationship? Are either of you the boss of the other one? If it went wrong what would happen at work?

Original poster

oldposterchangedname · 09/11/2023 20:58

CrapBucket · 09/11/2023 20:54

Forget about the friendship side of it - what’s the work relationship? Are either of you the boss of the other one? If it went wrong what would happen at work?

No, not managers at all - same pay grade. It could cause problems at work if it went wrong, it would make life a bit awkward for a while if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick completely - or if we did date and broke up. Could make life a bit difficult.

OP posts:

PurpleChrayne · 09/11/2023 20:58

My gosh, go for it.

I was in the same position 10 years ago. Fell in love with my best friend. Didn't tell her because I was afraid it would ruin things. When I eventually told her, it emerged that she felt the same. The only reason it ended was because she eventually passed away, but that's by the by.

Go for it!

PurpleSky09 · 09/11/2023 21:00

I say go for it too. Life's too short for what ifs!

CrapBucket · 09/11/2023 21:01

Well… ignore the considerations about mutual friends - it’s not their life so it doesn’t matter what their opinion is.

I think it’s time for you to be brave and ask her if she’s interested in a romantic relationship with you- good luck xx

Overrunwithlego · 09/11/2023 21:06

I always think a good way to think about it, is what you would regret more. Would you regret telling her and the potential pitfalls that could bring, more than you would regret not telling her and potentially missing out on being together?

Whiskerson · 09/11/2023 21:07

IME it's not gentle, honest acknowledgement of your feelings that "ruins friendships". Especially when it's already clear to both parties that there is something there.

What will ruin the friendship will be if one of you dicks the other about, or you second-guess each other and end up accidentally breaking each other's hearts, e.g. you decide to get over her by seeing other people, meanwhile she thought you two were falling in love and is devastated.

Tread carefully by all means, but it seems clear she has some interest in you and won't be shocked if you say something. I would not say any of the things she has said to someone I had no interest in and didn't want to lead on - would you?

Whiskerson · 09/11/2023 21:18

I think the biggest risk is misunderstanding. Both people might talk about not wanting to ruin the friendship....but maybe one person means "So let's just compartmentalise and hook up occasionally in addition to being friends", and the other person means "Because we are friends, you must therefore be really serious about me to make a move, else you wouldn't risk the friendship, wow, you must really be in love with me". And so on. And these things might not get ironed out because nobody wants to ruin the friendship vibes by having a frank discussion.

(Been there...)

Original poster

oldposterchangedname · 09/11/2023 21:21

Whiskerson · 09/11/2023 21:07

IME it's not gentle, honest acknowledgement of your feelings that "ruins friendships". Especially when it's already clear to both parties that there is something there.

I know, it’s definitely not something I’d say if I wasn’t interested, no.

We did arrange that for work’s christmas night out in a few weeks she can stay over at my house as closer to venue, so we’ll see what happens … we don’t often get a lot of time just the two of us, the other day was the first time in a while.

I would definitely regret not telling her more.

I think maybe the best way is just to keep going as we are at the moment, see if she says anything else or makes a move - I don’t want to straight away ask outright ‘when you said you want to be in a relationship, did you mean with me?’ in case the answer’s no - maybe see what happens with this night out.

OP posts:

Whiskerson · 09/11/2023 21:23

Well the work Xmas do sounds very promising! Have fun

itsmyp4rty · 09/11/2023 21:26

Don't get too drunk at the Christmas do! Grab her hand on your way home, tell her you really like her with a big smile and look her in the eye - you'll soon know if it's reciprocated. If it's not then it's just something that a close friend might say/do after a few drinks and you can turn it into how much you appreciate her as a friend. It's sounds like she's been dropping loads of hints already though to be honest.

Original poster

oldposterchangedname · 10/11/2023 09:56

itsmyp4rty · 09/11/2023 21:26

Edited

Thank you, that sounds a plan 😁

OP posts:

Original poster

oldposterchangedname · 25/11/2023 09:59

So we went out last night as ‘friends’ - things went very well!?

We didn’t end up kissing but playing footsie under the table, and she said ‘so when are you and I going back to yours then?’ 😁

After she said that we both ended up giggling and she said ‘well not tonight however … ?!’ so at least that pretty much confirms she’s interested and we’ve left it open.

So all fingers crossed that she means it 😁 am all loved up and can’t stop smiling haha. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.

OP posts:

Brandyb · 25/11/2023 10:03

Awwww ❤️❤️❤️ enjoy!

mummybongo · 25/11/2023 10:11

Ooo how lovely! This wasn't the Xmas do then? Is that still to happen? I'm excited for you guys!

Original poster

oldposterchangedname · 25/11/2023 10:23

mummybongo · 25/11/2023 10:11

Ooo how lovely! This wasn't the Xmas do then? Is that still to happen? I'm excited for you guys!

That’s still to happen yep 😁

OP posts:

Original poster

oldposterchangedname · 25/11/2023 10:24

Thanks ❤️

OP posts:

Isometimeswonder · 25/11/2023 10:30

Lovely thread. Smiling on your behalf!

Sparkshaveflown · 25/11/2023 16:15

Op, so lovely to read this. I find myself in similar situation for the first time but with a colleague. I won't say anything but goodness it is difficult. We constantly make eye contact, get on very well and i somehow just feel it. It is the eye contact thing that keeps happening that makes me think something more. I don't have the same with any of my other colleagues.

wonderingg24 · 02/02/2024 10:32

Any update OP?

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