Autism

[Sezza123123]

my daughter has started struggling more at high school we suspect that she has a few autistic traits but not sure if it could also be normal teenage defiance when she was in nursery and younger school she used to just ignore people when out and even members of extended members of family she would just look away and close up over the years she gradually opened up to people a bit more and over the years a few things she did we just thought was her personality now shes older im thinking it may not be she is obsessive over certain things such as things she is wearing and using have to be the same and a certain type, she will warm a lot towards a few people she likes such as a particular uncle and teacher at school, she always says im shouting at her when im not she cant seem to define when people are talking sternly and shouting also she doesnt understand things when you say them sometimes simple things i have to explain over and over. She has irlens syndrome and is slightly dyslexic at school she is getting in trouble for speaking back with poor attitude (she doesnt think she is and doesnt understand) and she just walks away from teachers as she cant look at them (again she denies this and just says she went to lesson etc) has anyone had to deal with anything like this befoe? Thanks

Yes sounds exactly like my children's behaviour especially the cross/ shouting concerns. I really have to speak gently. On the odd occassion when I'm trying to get them to hurry but not raising my voice they will get upset that im "shouting and really angry". One is on the spectrum and one waiting for assessment. I was told as they get older around 14/15 it all becomes more obvious and they struggle a lot more at that age.

Its hard isnt it ive spoken to her today and she has been given 2 detentions for speaking back to teachers and walking off but she doesnt seem to understand what she has done wrong she says she just answering the teachers questions its really difficult as the teachers just think shes being rude

autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside.pdf?fbclid=IwAR1CZBBGHT8qoF6AyrnYBw49gDByLdkJbqkz5q7AEJ7q-4QEVCTDyBtYGBo

Have a read through this it is really informative.

Thank you i will have a look at this

You have hinted to her that she is different.
I really can’t imagine the potential damage that might have done to her young psyche and the guilt and shame she could be feeling for having been born ‘different’ but with no effort to get any sort of diagnosis. And the effort it must take to mask her true self in order to fit in with her NT peers….. the daily exhaustion and yearning to be the same that must come with that, each school day.

OP I understand that you love her and have wanted her to be able to fit in and of course no mum wants her Dc to be bullied. But this has grown into a massive pretence now..it’s a truth she is entitled to know…to have grown up with.

Maybe she knows already, after all, her younger sister is bright enough to suggest it. Maybe she is trying to save you from the pain (and shame) of knowing she is autistic. How would you feel if that were the case ?

I think you can rescue this situation a little bit by telling her what you know and why you weren’t open about it before and asking how she would like to go forward.
Why don’t you ask your education authority what help is available for GCSE students who are diagnosed with autism. Then you could approach the subject with your dd from that standpoint by suggesting she could access the help in order to continue her higher education and to further her career hopes. Suggest that until now, she hasn’t appeared to need special help but you realise that these days, there is much more help available and you feel it’s her decision now that she is 16 whether to access it or not and therefore it’s your responsibility to be open about her earlier diagnosis.
If you are now feeling sorry that you didn’t previously tell her, tell her that you admit you made a mistake in keeping it from her and ask for her forgiveness. ask her how you can help her now.

My guess is that she already knows !
Good luck !