Problems with Neighbour

[Mummabear2jnj]

I jumped on another thread in September about reporting a neighbour to social services. I thought I'd start a new thread as I'm looking for some advice/support and an outlet for how frustrated I'm feeling atm. Over 8 weeks ago I had to inform social services about the way my nextdoor neighbour was treating the 4 year old boy she was fostering. I am the only house joined to them so it was obvious it was me. I had knocked on when she had been screaming at him, twice...both times she never came to the door. I shouted through the walls when she was swearing at him but it continued and I had no choice but to take it further. I knew it was going to be awkward, but I didn't expect it to be so bad. I recorded evidence of what was going on, and within 2 days both the foster children were removed from the house. This was 8 weeks ago. I was informed by the social worker that her own children were assigned social workers aswell. Since then I've been sworn at, called names (mostly shouted from inside the house) screamed at and at the weekend, she shouted at my son for looking at her security cameras when she was watching him come out of the house on them. She thought he was on his own but I was in the doorway, and I went mad at her. She was trying to provoke me for weeks and recording us coming in and out of the house...trying to get a reaction from me. Starting on my kids is a definite way for that to happen. I've ended up calling the police, raised it with housing and even applied for legal aid to get a warning letter sent out to her. Its making me unwell. 8 weeks of slamming and banging about in the house, there's just a wall separating us and I'm on edge all the time. I'm being punished for doing something to help a vulnerable child, and she's proving that she really is a nasty piece of work. I've had to get a doorbell camera cos she was throwing dirty mop buckets of water up the fence between our front doors, splashing it up my gate and door, saying intimidating things on the front and accusing me of being on drugs. I take anti depressants, the doctors increased my dose this week and prescribed me something to help me sleep. I've lost that much weight theyre sending me for blood tests to check me over, but I know its just severe anxiety. Its my eldest sons last year in high school this year, and the thought of having to move and disrupt that is stressing me out even more. I feel like I shouldn't have to move, I don't want to be bullied out of my own home, but I just don't feel like this is my safe place anymore. Has anybody been through anything similar? How can I just forget it, I can't escape her and she literally hates me. Shes out of work because I exposed her and thats going to affect her Christmas etc...there's no way we can talk to eachother amicably now.

No help here other than to say I utterly admire your bravery in reporting her and doing the right thing. Whatever you’re going through, imagine the alternative.

Well done you for reporting it was the right thing . She sounds vile. Are you able to raise it with her landlord? Is it is the council/a housing association and have they suggested anything they can do at all?
in your shoes sadly I’d be looking at moving but probably not before your eldest finishes his exams

Does she rent from the council or a housing association too? If so I'd be pushing them on her actions, you are a victim

You did the right thing. If she’s renting keep reporting it to her landlord or ha as well as reporting it to the police. Every single time. Video evidence is best

Be proud of yourself.
You did a good thing.
I'm sorry she's taking her feelings out on you.

Inform her landlord, and the police if you feel threatened,

If possible, try not to give her the satisfaction of seeing that she's affecting you.
(although it's of course understandable that she is).

But publically, ignore, ignore, ignore.

Good on you for reporting. It's always better to be safe than sorry when a child is involved, so much abuse goes on behind closed doors and it's always worth investigating a troubled family to see if that's the case.

@DancingLedgend it does make me wonder if there is abuse going on because if she was innocent with nothing to hide she wouldn't respond like this. @Mummabear2jnj you deffo did the right thing.

The housing association did speak to her after she was stood in front of my car telling me to f off...in front of her own kids (they were in the car but still witnessing it)...and it actually went quiet for about 5-6 days, so I thought it would settle down, but nope. Started brewing up again and then the incident with my child. The police rang yesterday and said they were going to pop down and speak to her but they didn't turn up. I understand neighbour disputes aren't going to be priority. Part of me is hoping it will help but another part of me is worried about antagonising her further. Im going to ring the housing for an update tomorrow, it doesn't appear like they've spoken to her yet cos she's still slamming about and its horrible atmosphere for my kids and her own, it must be. I thought she might of had some shame and kept her head down, but she wants my head on a platter I think. Instead of blaming her own actions she just blames me. And then the more I report her the angrier she gets, its relentless 🤦🏽‍♀️ I don't know what she wants me to do tbh... if she's going to have such an issue living nextdoor to me she should move...I know I would be ashamed if it was the other way around!

She sounds a nasty piece of work.

Hold your head high OP. You have such courage those children are so better off now.

I would hold the housing association to account and keep up with the communication. Try to log incidents so you can pass that information on when needed.

Very different circumstances but I once had an issue with a neighbour and noise. In the end I put on low level music pretty much every time I was in the house. It helped me to ‘stop’ listening out for crashes and bangs etc. Obviously this is just a sticking plaster for a more serious issue but it might give you a little respite while you wait for a long term solution.

I hope you have someone in real life you can talk this through with and that you and your children manage to weather the storm.

Good luck!

I do put the radio on low, I struggle going out already so feel a bit trapped. She started putting music on her speakers upstairs AND downstairs when she goes out.. I'm conscious that my family and friends are probably fed up of listening to me going on about it now..its consuming me really, so im glad I can get it out on here. Thank you for the advice everyone. I've got over 20 'incidents' logged now, but she is very clever in the way she doesn't really do anything in front of the cameras. She seems to have stopped watching us coming and going now..her cameras light up when she is. Think that's probably down to her hearing me contacting the police. Hoping that someone speaks to her soon and she just stops all this. Its making things worse for herself, I can't understand why she doesn't seem to realise this. Madness. Like people have said, its better her being like this with me than with the foster children. I can fight back. Its just exhausting now.

Well done on doing the right thing for the children Op, you should be so proud of yourself.
I’m in a similar position in regards to a neighbour having been forced to make noise complaints. She’s responded by making comments to me and my children whenever we go outside and now also comes into my workplace (where she’s a customer, sadly). It’s very mentally draining and I completely understand where you are coming from.
I just wanted to say that I understand and talk to us anytime. I’ve also drained all options talking to family, who have begun to tell ME to move for my own sake. I can’t afford to do this nor should I have to. Eventually I might consider it though if this carries on for years.

Its not fair is it. Im sorry to hear you're going through a similar situation, but its good to know people understand what its like. I hope you manage to get some peace too. Its not nice having this kind of crap hanging over you when its coming upto Christmas. I don't want to let it stop us enjoying that. Wish I could just 'get over it' but when they're constantly there its really not that easy x

I get it OP, it’s mentally draining. It’s awful to not feel safe coming in and out of your home and it’s horrible dealing with constant noise complaints. I hope eventually she tired of what she’s doing.

How on earth did she get past the vetting process for being a social worker....?!
She sounds so horrid. You did the right thing OP, those poor kids.

This is horrible for you. It is not about you, it is something internal in her.

Keep an accurate diary of everything that happens.

Deal with all your complaints in writing, or if have a phone call, follow it up with an email to ensure you have a full paper trail.

I think you should also engage both your councillor and social services to ask for their support to resolve as a fostering placement has broken down due to this woman's actions - foster carers are in short supply.

Have you formally reported her for harassment? Report it as the crime it is.

Well done you for stepping up.

I am impressed the kids were removed within 2 days.

However, I am NOT impressed that someone like that was allowed to foster in the first place.

And it's that that has been the catalyst for all the issues you are having. I would be very annoyed at social services or whoever allowed her to foster those kids to be honest and I'd be raising this with them although not much they can do to help your situation now I suppose.

I don't have much knowledge of this so no other advice really, other than keen on at your council / housing association, and well done again.

Firstly we’ll done for standing up to protect these already vulnerable children 👏🏻 I had a downstairs neighbour many years ago now who completely lost the plot when binge drinking ( completely different character when sober) she became violent, loud music, banging on her ceiling. She would call out police and say I had assaulted her when I hadn’t even seen her for days. I recorded everything and eventually housing association made her leave. I called them EVERY TIME! an incident happened. Call them every day if you have to, ask them what they’re going to do to protect you.

This is exactly why people don’t report any suspected abuse as their frightened of the repercussions, makes me so mad 😠

💛

Is she not a foster carer? I couldn't see the part about her being a social worker.

Wow op well done you for helping those poor children on getting them away from this terrible person! Keep a log of everything shes done/doing. Video evidence. Record (video) each interaction. Keep calling her/your housing association to log it. Hopefully youll get her moved on. X

@RachelSTG oops sorry I meant foster carer.