Seven year old has intrusive, scary thoughts

[ExhaustedFumes]

My 7 year old dd has always been on the timid side. Even as a toddler she was very sensitive to anything she perceived as scary (super heroes or anyone in a mask or helmet, loud noises, etc) but for the last three years it's been steadily getting worse. She can't stay alone in a room and at night she is scared even with me or dh sleeping in her room. In the day, she is fine as long as anyone else is with her. Literally anyone so it's not separation anxiety. Even her little two year old brother. She just can't be alone.

Her fears itself don't seem anything particularly abnormal for that age. It's just the extreme reaction to it. Mostly it seems to be about scary characters that might hurt her. Sometimes it's something she has read about or seen on TV. She doesn't read or watch anything age inappropriate but even things like paw patrol or her school reading books can scare her. Sometimes it can be something quite random like a big ship or machine in a book or TV that scare her.

She has a very vivid imagination, is very creative and highly verbal in the sense that she can and will talk for England and loves talking more than anything else. I just mean she kind of lives in her head a lot compared to other kids. She also day dreams a lot and is often very absent minded. She talks incessantly. (I'm diagnosed with ADHD so I wonder if she is showing early symptoms.)

She is also the youngest in her class and tiny in size even for her age. We've had lots of problems with her poor appetite but I think that's another issue. She is getting more and more aware that most of her peers are a head taller than Her, stronger and more physically capable and I wonder if that makes her feel vulnerable or gives her a sense of being unsafe or not being able to defend herself if she had to. Or maybe it's got nothing to do with that.

However, ADHD or not I feel this is something different. We thought that she would grow out of it but it is impacting her life and ours as someone has to always be in the room with her. I think we need to get her professional help. I've been looking in our area for private child psychologists but there seems to be very little. I should probably talk to our GP as well.

I don't know if the problem is intrusive thoughts or some form of anxiety. She says she keeps getting these scary thoughts in her head and as soon as they pop in her head she panics. Even when we are in the same room she will often suddenly run to one of us and cling to us while shouting she is scared.

Any ideas?

Ask school if they think there is any SEN, then see the GP and contact the school nurse.

Sorry to hear this. My DD had these a lot. She found it very helpful to understand what an intrusive thought is (explained age appropriately) and to be able to understand that these scary thoughts are intrusive thoughts and will pass. I explained like this:

sometimes your brain practices scary things happening so you can practice what to do. But if you have a strong imagination your brain sometimes thinks of things that will never ever happen. You can think "oh, that is an intrusive thought" and just let it go by without having to worry about it. Thinking it won't make it happen for real, and it cant hurt you. A lot of clever people have these and it's very normal

Do you mean I should ask the class teacher? Her teachers so far have always told me that she is perfectly fine though I haven't told them about this particular issue. (She is fine in school as there is always someone around.)

I've told her something similar. Mainly to show her she isn't weird or abnormal to have these fears. Explained to her why humans have evolved to have fears and how they can alert us to danger but sometimes we feel scared even in the absence of any actual danger and in that case she can try to not react to these thoughts. I always tell her it's ok to be scared but maybe she can try to do things inspite of being scared.

I think the fear is so bad though that it short circuits any reasoning in her brain and she goes straight into a panic. Or maybe that has become a habit. she says she knows her thoughts aren't real or the things she is scared of can't hurt her but they still scare her.

I'll have another conversation with her about intrusive thoughts today and use your words. You've really put it well.

Definitely engage the school SENCO not class teacher and school nurse. Push to see them as your GP would probably point you in that direction as well. You could also read Helping your child with fears and worries by Cathy Creswell and Lucy Willetts. This may give you some things to try at home. Please don’t leave it and hope she will grow out of it as the anxieties may increase and trying to get onto a Cahms list for help takes years if you get on at all.

But they don’t know about the problem, so yes. Ask the teacher and SENCO.

Goodjob

I would contact the school nursing team and the GP. Although not to quite the same degree of severity of anxiety, my DD1 was similar to your DD with many behaviours at around that age and has now been diagnosed with ASD. School nursing are doing a lot of input in schools around anxiety at the moment as they have seen a massive increase in anxiety in both primary and secondary age children due in part to the impact of the pandemic on children's lives. In my area they have been coming into school to do 1:1 work with children on anxiety, DD2 had input in upper primary and found it helpful.

Getting in touch with school is a good idea as PP say, but this book was really helpful for my DD and the practice is really straightforward to follow. Helping your child with fears and worries

Even before you got to the bit where you said you had ADHD I was wondering if she was ND - keep in mind that she may be ND in a different way to you , ie ASD, dyspraxia etc. We have dyslexia, dyspraxia and ASD in our family and I think this sort of sensitivity is not unusual in an ND child/person.

I was like this as a child, upset by things in books had nightmares, terrified to go to bed at night and was constantly up and down making sure my mum was there. I remember a perfectly innocent picture in a book gave me nightmares and terrified me for a long time.

At this stage I would say it is probably just anxiety and I would do all you can to take it seriously and do all you can to make her feel safe. Talk everything through with her, never be dismissive. I would also avoid anything that is in any way even slightly scary even if age appropriate.

My childhood anxiety however turned into psychosomatic illness and intrusive thoughts during my teens. There were times I thought I was either losing my mind or going to die - I remember it well. What helped me so much was finding out what psychosomatic illness and intrusive thoughts were and understanding that it was my brain playing tricks on me due to anxiety - and that I wasn't going to die and I wasn't going mad.

Definitely get as much help you can get for her and be very open with her about anxiety, mental health etc so she knows she can always talk to you.

I would take her to the GP and ask for a CAMHS referral. My DD had similar anxieties at age 8 and has now been diagnosed with ASD at age 13.

The way the consultant described it to me was 'children who are developing normally don't tend to have these types of anxieties at that age, and it should have been a cue for getting her assessed.

Might have saved us a lot of heartache if we hadn't had to wait years then finally go private for the assessment.

Have a look at an illness called PANS / PANDAS. It causes all of the issues you have mentioned including problems with food and eating.

My dd has asd, school and senco told me that she showed no signs what so ever.
Girls mask, so often it’s not picked up.