To not say 'love you' back

[Flatiron192]

I have an elderly neighbour who I've become friendly with over the last few years. She's very nice and I've been happy to help her out with things occasionally. She has children but they all live some distance away.

When we speak on the phone she has started saying 'love you lots' at the end of the conversation. Anyone who tells me they love me gets an instant 'I love you too' in response, because I do however, I don't feel that way about the neighbour!

I feel incredibly awkward hearing it and it feels mean to just say 'bye' and hang up the phone!

Am I over thinking? I'd hate to hurt her feelings.

It’s an expression, she doesn’t ‘love’ you in a weird way!

What's a weird way to love someone? That's not what I'm suggesting.

It's not an expression I use unless I actually love someone.

Sounds like she values the friendship a lot more than you. You claim you get on well, but I think if you were really a good friend to her, and you valued her (as a friend and neighbour etc,) you would not feel so awkward about her saying 'love you lots.'

Why do you dislike her saying it so much? I think it's very sweet. Lots of people who don't actually LOVE someone, say 'love ya!' when saying goodbye. It doesn't mean she's in love with you!

As I say, it doesn't sound like you are into this friendship/companionship as much as she is. At all!

Just say “lots of love back to you, byeeee!”

Yeh I'd feel awkward about that too. Like you, I don't use "I love you" as a general pleasantry. I would only say it if I really meant it.
Having said that, I assume it is her way of trying to convey that she cares about you and is grateful/appreciative for your friendship/support.

Not sure how I would deal with it though - sorry I realise that is no help whatsoever!

Aw I'd feel mean not to say "lots of love, fair well, nice to chat, speak soon, bye bye" that sort of thing to a lonely elderly neighbour if that's their way of communicating.

Unless, do you actually dislike her? Has she pissed you off?

Perhaps say something like “lovely to speak to you”, which is warm, but you feel more comfortable saying?

Thanks for the replies. I do like her but I certainly don't love her, she is just a neighbour to me. I just feel awkward that she says it to me and I don't say it back, I don't know how to reply.

I think I'll try and get in with a 'lots of love' first, that feels more genuine than me saying 'love you' to her.

Maybe I've got issues! Saying 'I love you/love you lots' is a really big deal to me. I only say it to my DH, DC and 1 friend. Its not something I say if I don't genuinely mean it.

Yes, that's perfect.

I do say goodbye in a friendly way. I just feel bad that she's saying that she loves me lots and I can't bring myself to say it back.

I think I'm over thinking it though.

You've explained that better than I have! It's not a general pleasantry to me either, I don't say it lightly.

I tell all my friends I love them as a goodbye. Its nice

Even if you don't?

Could you go with a 'you too' and hang up? That way you're not saying it, not instigating it, but still sharing the sentiment.

Surely if they are good friends, you do love them?

I love all my friends otherwise they wouldn't be my friends ?

Well this is my point, she's not a good friend, she's a neighbour that I'm friendly with.