Surviving postnatal depression

[Al991]

I have been diagnosed with postnatal depression and I’m just feeling pretty flipping awful at the moment.

I am so tired of waking up in the middle of the night. When I hear my daughter screaming from her cot at 3am I honestly feel suicidal. I’m so sleep deprived.

I am touched out from holding her all day as she won’t be put down. Feeding is never ending and she is never full (yes I’ve spoken with breastfeeding support).

I am just sat here thinking I don’t want to do another day of the crying, bouncing and constant feeding. I just want to go to bed and sleep all day and all night.

How do you survive this? I’ve heard people say things like it gets easier after they turn 1 but she is only 2 months old. I have thought about formula feeding and tried to give her some yesterday but got very flustered over the sterilising and her screaming while I made the bottle.

I do feel like I have a bond with my baby and I do love her, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t really want to be here anymore because the days and nights are just too bloody hard. I’m just too tired to keep going.

Well done for breast feeding for two months that is hard work!!

Could you try a dummy for the night?

The sterilising doesn't need to be done right before you make up the bottle. You have to put the test and lid on withing an hour and then it will be sterilised for something like 12 hours. Once you've made up the milk it can be used for upto two hours. So you might want to have another go at it.

Have you got anyone at all that could help you a bit? Anyone to take baby out for a couple hours so you can nap in the day? Is partner around? Can they do more house work? Cook more meals etc?

Bumping as I'm sure you'll l get some more supportive replies

What treatment/support are you getting? When I had PND and anxiety I was prescribed citalopram and it was miraculous, but this was 20 years ago so not sure if this is still done now. Could you persevere with the formula feeding? For me it was a big relief physically and mentally to stop breast feeding.

So sorry you're going through this sending big hugs to you
I also suffered post natal anxiety / depression
Do you have any family or friends locally for support / Are you speaking to your GP / health visitor ?
You can also call pandas pandasfoundation.org.uk

I know it might feel hopeless at the moment but you can feel better with some help and it sounds like you're reaching out for help which is the biggest first step to take.

For me it got a lot easier from around 3 months of age as my baby was a bit more settled (I found the newborn phase really tough with colic etc) xx

Oh love I've been there. I was absolutely crippled although alot of mine stemmed from my ex amping up his awful behaviour.

You need to go to the doctor. I was told that this is a hormonal imbalance (as well as ex's behaviour) so you need drugs to right it until it passes.

It was sometimes one hour at a time for me. My DS didn't sleep either and I thought I was going mad.

It does lift I promise but you need support.

I wish I knew you. I'd have the baby just for you to get some sleep. Make sure you take care of you.

Do you have a Mum-friend you can go and visit or invite over to break up the day? When I was in the dark days, I lived for getting in my car and going to take the baby to my friend's house and she would make us a cup of tea while the babies rolled about on the floor, and one (or both) of us would have a bit of a cry, then we'd have a laugh and perk each other up, chat whilst doing a mammoth breastfeed session and we'd eat some lunch and say our goodbyes and then we'd both come away from it feeling like we were ready to tackle life's challenges again. It really got me through! That and going for a walk in the evenings by myself when DP got home to take over the baby-jiggling.

Make sure you're eating some proper food regularly - even if the baby is crying, it will be OK for 5 mins while you whack a jacket potato in the oven and open some tuna.

Thank you all for the supportive replies it is really helpful. I have been to the doctor and been prescribed sertraline. However I don’t meet the threshold for the perinatal mental health team. It is sad how normalised this is - the doc and HV don’t seem to think it’s a huge deal just because it’s so common, but it kind of feels huge to me! I’ve been trying to look after myself, it’s just so difficult with a baby who needs so much from me and won’t be put down. I’ve also decided to introduce some formula feeds though I’m still breastfeeding about half the time. This has taken the pressure off things a bit.