3 young kids. Where should we call home?

[Mumpanic2023]

Please can you help me to make a decision I've been stuck on for the last few years. DS is 2 years old and we now have twins on the way. We moved out of London when my son was a baby to get more space (we rented a one bed flat). We moved to Leigh On Sea in Essex and while I like the area I havent made any friends here or felt part of a community in any way. Perhaps i could have tried harder but i have tried to put myself out there and never struggled to make friends in London. Now that we have twins coming I'm terrified about not having any local support network.

We are considering moving back to the North to be closer to my mum. But there are huge problems with this. It means moving hundreds of miles away from our jobs and our London friends, who we rarely see now (but really appreciate it when we do). Also I'm not keen on moving back north in general. I didn't enjoy my childhood and there I was very keen to get away. However, the area is pleasant, safe and has good schools. My mum is a huge help with my son and they adore each other, but there's a lot of history that impacts our relationship so either we get on like a house on fire or not at all. I have a brother up there who I probably wouldn't see very often as he can be quite verbally rude and aggressive.

On the other hand I don't see myself settling in Leigh long-term either. While I like the area I really dislike Southend (ive witnessed a few nasty incidents) and the grammar school system they have in the area. We don't have anyone to help us in emergencies and i don't even know who will look after my son when I go into labour. My mum is a 6 hour drive away...

We need to make a decision as the place we rent is too small for five of us and the pressure is on to act. We are able to buy a house but we just can't decide where.

My DH is his pulling his hair out with my inability to make a decision. His preference is to stay here but he doesn't feel strongly and can see the benefits and drawbacks of both. I'm so desperate to put down roots somewhere and feel "at home" but I'm paralysed with indecision. Please help! Thanks

Are you going back to work after the twins come? How easy is it for you both to find similar work io North?
Personally I'd move up North, towards family support if you have work to go to (or at least DH).
Are his family around?
What about somewhere more central so you're closer but not up north?

Where is his family?

Move to Bedfordshire. You're in the Midlands so a bit closer to the north but not that far from London and can get there in the hour via train

Thanks for the replies. His family live overseas. We thought about moving somewhere inbetween but wondered if we would be neither here nor there, and I'm not sure if I would actually see my family that much as they would still be 3.5 or 4 hours away.

My job is great and have offered lots of flexibility with my son. I would struggle to find anything similar up north so I would need to commute in once a week wherever we are. DH could probably find remote work quite easily but he's happy in his company. We both work 4 days at the moment and have 1 day each with my son which is ideal.

The benefit of staying put for a few years is that DS is settled in childcare and it's less change for him when the babies come. He sleeps with me at the moment and I think he will find the transition hard. If my mum was around that would also soften the change for him. I have no idea what to expect with twins and whether we will get by without help.

Have you joined any twin Facebook groups or forums? That might help you make the decision.

I mean like parents of twins

I wouldn't move up north just to be close to your mum, you guys don't sound like you have a very strong relationship and it's a big upheaval to do given that you don't otherwise want to live there.

Also your work is in London and if you want to move job for progression in the future or if there's a move to more office time, you will be better off near London.

I would probably think about where your friends in London are and try and find somewhere that would be closer to them.