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Original poster

Did I do the right thing? I think I did ?

17 replies

Wrongandright · 06/11/2023 20:09

So ds 16 had a boyfriend who's 17. He used to stay over alot . They have now fallen out /split up. Ds had given him an iPhone think it was iPhone 8. Because he did not need it. Ds ex boyfriend had his birth certificate and passport here and wanted it back. But ds told him he's not getting it back till he gives the phone back. And that he's got to pay for the fact that it's damaged.

Ds ex boyfriend brother then started messaging him saying that he wants his documents back and he's going to come to my house with his brother to get the stuff. Ds can be quite aggressive so that was possibly why the older brother was going to come.

Ds told me he had called the police and they advised him not to give the documents back till he got his phone back and that ds should go to the police station on Tuesday and they can both exchange items back to original owner (I don't believe that)

Anyway I don't want hassle bought to my door so I told ds ex he can come get his stuff whilst my ds was out .because I don't want shit to happen . Could not find his birth certificate. So I messaged ds and ds went mad because of the fact I let him come here to pick up his stuff . He was demanding to know who's in his room. I told him his ex and adult dd. He got really angry.

But I felt ds was not understanding that its illegal to keep his exes birth certificate and passport. Also its not fair to put me in the position of having people turning up on my door step.

Adult dd had helped me arrange with ds ex to get his stuff as I had no contact details
Ds is now really angry with us. And won't talk to us or come home. I know where he is.

We still can't find the birth certificate. Is it up to me to replace it ?

OP posts:
LaLaFlottes · 06/11/2023 20:19

This sounds stressful. Do you have the passport to hand back? Maybe you can suggest that the other person applies for a replacement birth certificate and you or your DS would cover the cost?

Any sign of the phone coming back?

MaliciaKeys · 06/11/2023 20:22

The birth certificate must be somewhere. It's relatively easy to get a replacement though. I think you did right to try and return the documents.

NillyNoMates · 06/11/2023 20:23

I think he should just count his losses with the iPhone 8 really.

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Original poster
Wrongandright · 06/11/2023 20:24

LaLaFlottes · 06/11/2023 20:19

This sounds stressful. Do you have the passport to hand back? Maybe you can suggest that the other person applies for a replacement birth certificate and you or your DS would cover the cost?

Any sign of the phone coming back?

Sorry I must have messed up my op. His ex came and got all his stuff apart from the birth certificate.

I'm not 100% with the birth certificate thing as I'm not sure is his ex lost it. If its lost in ds room or if it was ever here in the first place

OP posts:
Original poster
Wrongandright · 06/11/2023 20:31

NillyNoMates · 06/11/2023 20:23

I think he should just count his losses with the iPhone 8 really.

The ex gave the iPhone 8 back. But yeah there was no point ds did not need it.

OP posts:
vipersnest1 · 06/11/2023 20:37

I don't think you did the right thing at all, sorry.
You've let down your DS by allowing his ex to go through his room when DS didn't know.
You could have mentioned in the OP that you got the phone back as that would have changed the tone of your first post.
It's not up to you to decide whether morally or not the phone should have been returned - that's between your son and his ex.

Original poster
Wrongandright · 06/11/2023 20:43

vipersnest1 · 06/11/2023 20:37

I don't think you did the right thing at all, sorry.
You've let down your DS by allowing his ex to go through his room when DS didn't know.
You could have mentioned in the OP that you got the phone back as that would have changed the tone of your first post.
It's not up to you to decide whether morally or not the phone should have been returned - that's between your son and his ex.

I thought I had mentioned the phone conong back in op. Sorry my mistake.

I had threats of his older brother turning up on my door step i don't know what could have happened I dont want to put myself at risk. It is against the law to hold onto someone passport.

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 07/11/2023 06:50

To be blunt your son sounds like a menace.He had no right keeping important documents hostage for an old iPhone that's no use to him.Add the aggression and you have a problem with him.And yes it is the OP's business when both people involved are underage.

Original poster
Wrongandright · 07/11/2023 06:56

Mookie81 · 07/11/2023 06:50

To be blunt your son sounds like a menace.He had no right keeping important documents hostage for an old iPhone that's no use to him.Add the aggression and you have a problem with him.And yes it is the OP's business when both people involved are underage.

He is he's a massive handful. I love him of course but he's hard work . I'm really hoping things die down now.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 07/11/2023 07:02

You did the right thing giving the passport back. You shouldn't have let the ex into your DSs room though. If you can't find the BC apologise to the ex and say you will return it when/if you do find it. They're much more easily obtained than a new passport.

Your DS dies sound like a handful. Stay firm!

Beautiful3 · 07/11/2023 07:21

Yes you did the right thing, keeping someone's passport is illegal. My ex brother in law did this when he fell out with me. I had to call the police. They said if it was anything else, they wouldn't have bothered. But because it was a passport they took him into the station when he refused to give it to them. So you were right to give it back. Don't worry about the birth certificate, they're easy to replace and it's cheap here, round £3.

Rjahdhdvd · 07/11/2023 07:25

Sounds a bit like your DS wanted to keep it as a drama and you’ve taken the fire out of the situation; overall I agree with you. Don’t replace the birth certificate; it costs all of about £25 and it’s a life lesson for the boyfriend to be more careful about things like that

Ollybob · 07/11/2023 07:26

Handing back the passport yourself, absolutely fine.
However allowing the ex to look around ds's room is completely out of order, even you shouldn't really have been rummaging about in there!
A teenagers bedroom is private and no-one should be in there looking through his private things without permission.

PaperDoIIs · 07/11/2023 07:35

Ollybob · 07/11/2023 07:26

Handing back the passport yourself, absolutely fine.
However allowing the ex to look around ds's room is completely out of order, even you shouldn't really have been rummaging about in there!
A teenagers bedroom is private and no-one should be in there looking through his private things without permission.

He kinda lost that right when he engaged in illegal activity.

Snugglemonkey · 07/11/2023 08:38

I would have stayed out of it to be honest.

Original poster
Wrongandright · 07/11/2023 08:38

PaperDoIIs · 07/11/2023 07:35

He kinda lost that right when he engaged in illegal activity.

Show quote history

I agree. Also his ex was not in his own in the room my adult dd was with him. There's been many times ds let his now ex stay in his room for a few hours without him there so I doubt he was that worried . Not really

OP posts:
Original poster
Wrongandright · 07/11/2023 08:40

Snugglemonkey · 07/11/2023 08:38

I would have stayed out of it to be honest.

Normally I would . But I did not want people coming to my door

OP posts:
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