The Chronicles of a Middle Aged Mumsnetter

[CandidFruit]

(Disclaimer: We’ve all been fed and watered, chores are done, everyone just having some downtime before heading into a new week cycle of work/school runs/after school clubs so please indulge me in a little escapism!)

Once upon a time, there were…

Two hungry adults, gammon in the Ninja, cabbage broccoli cauliflower in the steamer and rec wine in the glass. Watching the Outlaws whilst the chocolate melts for the chocolate fondue. That what you wanted?

😂 yes @Doggymummar, that actually made me laugh! Can be factual or with added embellishments, whatever takes your fancy!

Suddenly there was a crash, we looked over and the ruddy cat had brought the curtains down again

DH wants to rehome the cat but I planned to throw the question to The Litter Tray (with cat tax naturally) and show him the responses to LTB

And outside the window was a tiny, angry, Korean woman

Some time later, the middle-aged-mumsnetter was ridiculed by the entire family for calling one son's girlfriend the other son's girlfriend's name for the 3rd time in a day, the very first time she has been round for dinner.

“Mum I’ve told you countless times, her name's not Balonz!” said DS1, tucking into his massive salad.
They all watched the darn cat trying to extricate itself from the curtains.

If only they had…

Cooked the Mumsnet chicken. Then they would all be full for weeks and weeks and maybe the hunger pangs from eating the massive salad wouldn't haven't boiled over into ww3 over names

Suddenly, there was the sound of a car horn loudly beeping outside. The next door neighbour had spotted son's girlfriend's car parked in his space!

Diagram, diagram, must have a diagram!!

Not my best, but here we go…

Everybody quickly had a sip of wine so as not to be able to move the car. The cat appeared at the door...

Very funny love the car thingy and post references !

DS2 realised that the cat had a piece of paper around its neck fashioned into a collar. Ripping the paper off, he realises it had writing on it. He read it to the room...

… with the little old Korean lady, who was quite cross at being left outside all day - AGAIN…

Suddenly they looked around and to their amazement the next door neighbour was outside cutting back their hedge. Without permission! It also looked like he was considering knocking on their door. Of course they wouldn't answer a knock on the door. Who would do such an outrageous thing...

the neighbor cutting the hedge got a shock when he found a half dressed couple …..

…crossing the stream to tie another sail onto HIS tree!

So he…

...asked his wife (an avid mumsnetter) to do an AIBU about setting the sprinklers on them. But she accidentally posted it to the Year 2 What's App group!

Who told them to put out all their buckets of pony poo along the boundary line, after consulting their title deeds, where they also discovered…

A patio under which.......

Just then, the Year 2 in question came down in his pyjamas and his face was bright red. I feel sick mummy, he said.
Oh dear, said mummy.
Tristan was sick on her Cos* tunic and he turned out to have a temperature of 40°. A&E, now! Said everyone but nobody could take him because they'd all had a sip of wine. How irresponsible!
*Much nicer on a person than on the hanger. Allegedly.

Tristan had dug a secret hide out with his best friends Tarquin and Araminta.
The sign on the wall said ‘SEKRUT HEDQATERS - PRIVUT - KEEP OUT’

Unbeknownst to them, across the stream, there was another secret hide out. It was housed inside a brand new “Garden Room slash Office slash Home Bar” and on that wall, a brass plaque ‘SECRET HEADQUARTERS - PRIVATE - KEEP OUT’
This was the real engine room of the Year 2 WhatsApp group, whose admins were
Shardonnay, JamiroKayden, Mae-May and …

Lily-Mae G and Lily-Mae B.
NO MUMS said the sign but...