Bad behaviour in 4 year old DS

[bookworm1982]

Not exactly chatty but posting for traffic. My 4.5 DS has always been a bit of a handful. He’s loving and kind (when he wants to be) and funny, but has a very mischievous streak, and isn’t interested in rules. He seems to have no fear of the consequences of his actions (i.e has a star jar and gets to add a star to it for good behaviour, but is never particularly bothered if stars get taken away or favourite toys are taken away due to bad behaviour). He back-chats, and literally has no fear of me or his dad at all. Often laughs when told off and has told his dad to shut up recently 😬 Anyway, since starting reception his behaviour has got worse (at home, in school it’s better). I know no-one likes it when this word is used, but he’s basically just a really “naughty” kid! Can’t think of a better way to explain it - he likes to do things he shouldn’t. Recently he has hit two children, one at school, and one out of school. He’s not lashing out for no reason, it’s been due to fighting over a toy or something, but of course it’s still unacceptable. What I’m interested in hearing from others (who have experience with this) is the following:

• 1. How best to do think to scold a child that hits? Remember that he’s 4.5 now, not 2, so explaining that it’s not right or kind is not enough - he knows that already.
  2. Should I be massively concerned that he’s behaving this way at his age or could this still just be a phase?
  3. Anyone else had a 4 year old that was difficult in this way but went on to change their behaviour as they matured? Or have they always had this streak? *

*His behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud but it’s so important that we do it the right way.
That’s why I’m looking for methods that actually work. *

Thank you so much to anyway that can help us.
Xx

4yos do hit when provoked sometimes. It may be signs of something, but I certainly wouldn't say you can read anything into it at that age. I've had 3 dc go through school, and most of the children that hit in reception and even year 1, never hit again and were not regarded as "the naughty one". I can only think of one where it was definitely a sign of much more, he left in year 1 for a special school because his needs were so much.

I agree that you're past the stage of "kind hands". If it's at school I would let the school punish but when they tell you be "disappointed" in him.
If it's at home, then make the punishment fit the crime: Time out/going home/handing the toy over whatever is going to matter to him at the time.

Laughing when being told off is a child's emotional response. I would ignore it, but nip the back chat down. One thing I used that was effective with one of mine was "not hearing/understanding" if it wasn't said nicely. "I can't hear it. I don't hear shouting". Another was best to give her 5 minutes in her room as a break.

My ds hated stickers. Really really hated them, so they were a total disaster as a reward system from school. Putting on on his jumper was worse than a punishment apparently! What school did was found some colouring pictures of Spitfires, which were his favourite at the time. If he "earned a sticker" he was allowed 5 minutes to decorate a Spitfire. See if you can find a reward system he wants if the jar isn't working. You may find reward works better, and not to take them away.