ADHD and homework hell- has anything worked for you?

[ChienneDesFromages]

DS11 has just moved to Year Seven. He has ADHD and dyspraxia, has an EHCP and has just moved to a very small, independent secondary school. The move has gone much better than we hoped, socially and academically, but he’s really, really struggling to engage with homework.

DH is, with the patience of a saint, working through the two pieces needed this weekend. I can hear the usual drama, excuses and fury as DH cajoles, and produces various carrots and (not literal) sticks. The homework is not hard, it’s more than within his abilities and he could do it in ten minutes if he focused. He chooses not to take medication at weekends, which really doesn’t help but I don’t ever want him to feel forced to take it, we are clear that it’s always his choice.

He is so far from being able to motivate himself or work through the tasks independently, it feels impossible to know how to help him. After school is even worse as he’s exhausted.

Just to preempt any helpful ‘just make him do it’ suggestions, I currently have two teenage daughters upstairs diligently doing their classics/ maths homework- we really aren’t soft or crappy parents. A child with SEN is a completely different experience, but he has many strengths and we will do all we can to make school work for him.

If anything, big or small has helped, please share. We will try anything!

Honestly I'd get school to agree to dropping the homework.

I work in a secondary school as a TA, if your child was at my school I would imagine he'd have a 'reasonable adjustment'. This means he'd need to try to complete his HW but there would be no consequences if he didn't do it.
Speak to the school, this shouldn't rule your weekend

I used to tutor a Y7 boy who had ADHD and was on medication. All we did was his homework for the week. We did it for 90 minutes after school and on that day he had PE during the afternoon so wasn’t so overloaded with learning. It worked really well - his parents had tried doing it with him and it just caused all sorts of misery.
Can you try with something similar? I’d also get it written into his EHCP about homework expectations and ensuring he doesn’t get overloaded. Don’t accept school ‘offering’ to do his homework with him at lunchtime either!

My ASD son uses a variation on the Pomodoro method to do homework as it breaks the time down into more manageable chunks and helps him focus. We agree the timings before he starts e.g 20 mins on a visual timer then after every 20 mins you get a 5 min break and then after you've completed 4 x 20 mins you get a longer break e.g 30 mins (or whatever you've agreed). If the homework pieces are short you could set it for 10 minutes at a time.

This.

When is his next EHCP review? Make sure there is specific reference to homework made in it. For my DC I had it written into their EHCP that homework is done during school time and then worked out a plan with the SENCO as to when and how this would be done. Up until the end of Year 9 it meant DC missing French in order to go do homework and from Year 10 onwards they miss PE. Some homework does come home now but it's a minimal amount and it's easier for them to cope with it now they're older and more adept at self-managing things they don't want to do.

Thank you. I think I have a bit of a plan going forward. DS is currently learning French and Spanish, which he’s finding a bit baffling. I’m going to suggest dropping one so that he can go to learning support twice a week to get some homework done. He will hopefully be in the zone because he’s at school and can do it with a little guidance from members of staff.

We have just started with a maths tutor who can do his maths homework with him. And he’s always happy to do English as in a very in-ADHD turn he loves extended writing (go figure?!)

The poster who mentioned how debilitating ADHD can be is spot on. It’s so frustrating as he has so much ability. But even in a wonderful primary/secondary school with supportive parents, he still really struggles and has so little self esteem around his ability to succeed academically. My Dad and BIL both probably have it too, and they were both, in various ways, tortured and tormented in school, leading to disengagement from education for one, and years overcoming mental health problems for the other. It’s heartbreaking.

My son doesn't have an EHCP but has Dyslexia and Dyspraxia and possible ADHD. He only does 2 lessons of languages a week and the third is study support where they do homework. He does do some homework at home but puts in really minimal effort and does it at the last minute. Generally I don't argue with him too much. He always does something if it appears on his homework app as it's so stressful for him if he doesn't do it, but the whole process is fairly pointless. The only thing that works at home really is maths as its through a website and there is no possible ambiguity about what is set.