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Relatives and lending money.

5 replies

MrsNandortheRelentless · 05/11/2023 07:27

I have a very close bond with some family members.
The youngest of them is 25, has a good, well paid job.
Had a relationship breakdown 2 years ago and suffered an acute mental health crisis, now has anxiety, depression and OCD(is receiving medications and counselling).

He has run up debts and not been going to work now on ssp. Debts due to ordering takeaways day and night apparently.
Can’t pay bills/rent debt repayment. Also hiding all of this, lying about it too. ( doesn’t want to worry anyone).

Problem is I’m loaning large amounts of money to help out. Twice in the last 6 months as he has done this before.
But no one can say anything sensible or point out consequences or tell him there won’t be money bailing him out indefinitely because of the MH, terrified of him harming himself.
So he carries on, not going to work on the edge of sacking probably.

Family have taken over his finances totally giving him a small weekly allowance. Clean his flat, take food, ring and text constantly, it’s like he is a teenager not a full grown man.
Very supportive but I feel like he has no consequences and takes no responsibility due to MH.
Context he games all night, sleeps all day, orders takeaways in between.

I sound awful and I feel awful but I’m frustrated because the time will come when I say no more bail outs and I will be ostracised and probably cut off. If he harms himself it will because of me not helping out.

WWYD?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 05/11/2023 07:31

Stop funding him now, if he harms himself it will be not your fault. You shouldn’t allow yourself to be blackmailed.
Do his family know you are giving this money ?

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 05/11/2023 07:33

Is he your child? Why is it on you to fund him?

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 05/11/2023 07:34

And yes saying buy me/him as many takeaways as is wanted or there'll be self harming is blackmail.

MrsNandortheRelentless · 05/11/2023 07:38

His family approached me to loan the money so yes they know.
They are beside themselves with worry, his mother is ill because of it.

OP posts:
MrsNandortheRelentless · 05/11/2023 07:39

We have experienced a family member ending their own life so are absolutely terrified of it happening again.

OP posts:
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