How do you be mentally strong when diagnosed with something? (Not cancer or life-limiting)

[Scaredycat23]

I was diagnosed with a condition 3 months ago and I'm living in almost pure panic and fear with it. Rather than it becoming normal, its actually occurring to me every ten minutes that I have it, as if for the first time. So it's that fresh panic and realisation constantly. How on earth do I stop this happening? I've been prescribed anti-depressants- do you think this will stop the anxiety? Hopefully it is a condition that should get better, but might not. I'm also aware that there are way worse things that happen to people, and really I need to suck it up. Any advice please? I'm driving myself mad and everyone else is bored of me.

tbh, my dad has been going thru something similar & I'm struggling to be supportive. He is 81, so to be expected his health might decline. Instead of thinking constructively every day about what he CAN still do, about how to keep his mobility as good as it can be, how to keep doing his fun activities, he's full of moans about all health stuff even when we're sitting chatting so exactly when he's doing something he likes that his health issues don't impede. Then he has the lack of awareness to claim he's not a naturally anxious person (he's become increasingly anxious for last 10 years, imho).

In a year or 5 years he'll be able to do even less and then look back on now as a relatively ok period. It just looks like such a waste of energy.

If you're over-taken with worry now, what will you be like when you're 81? You don't want to get on that trajectory a minute too soon. I hope you find a way to see some positives in your life after all.

Hmmm as a person half his age, with 2 small dc and a mortgage to pay I think my worries are justified. I hope someone shows you sympathy if/when you become disabled overnight and can no longer lead the life you need to live. After having such supportive replies to this thread, I wish you had never posted. I am not worried about missing my fun activities, I'm scared that I can't pay my bills or raise my children.

Scaredycat I feel exactly what you say , im in same predicament but different, worry about dc , mortgage, bills, single mother etc.

This sort of worry can absolutely destroy your mojo, it did mine. Im known to be a highly effervescent person, always half glass full , relatively successful and very independent. But the news for instance i got 3 weeks ago has taken a lot of the above away.

In 3 weeks I have made inroads and am seeing a path set for myself but alongside i am taking SJW to keep me level headed so I can do my best.

New news takes time to trickle down ,it has done me but now I am ready to tackle it head on and not accept defeat. As I start to see the green shoots of my efforts, I hope I can return to my former being .

Take your time, look out for avenues, and hopefully you too will find your path.

Op and others in a similar situation, on a practical note, make sure you're getting all the benefits you're entitled to, such as PIP, ESA or maybe attendance allowance or carers allowance if you qualify.
I get a free bus pass because I can't drive due to my condition.
Access to Work may be able to fund taxis to work if you can't get there by public transport, or any equipment you need to do your job. I'm having problems with concentration and memory, for example, so have put in an application for noise cancelling headphones.
And talk to your employer about reasonable adjustments.

Just another warning about SJW - I tried it, was on no other medication at the time, and it made my mood even worse. So please be wary.

Regarding the rest, sympathies to you. It's shit. I have something similar, and have had for years. I really struggled at the time of diagnosis. Now, I try not to think about it. I take my meds and do my best to blot it out. That may not be the best approach, but it is all I can manage.

What is it about human nature, as you say, 90% of the thread says things you found reassuring, but you're going to seize on my post because you hated it. Why do humans do that, I wonder.

It's good you know what you're worried about & it isn't nothing. That reply to me was the first one where you mentioned paying bills, mortgage or children. It's good to identify tangible things you want to protect. Maybe getting angry at me was good thing because it made you list specific things. When you know what they are, Then you can do something specific about the specific concern. You can find a way to manage & have some control, maybe find specific support. Then your diagnosis doesn't have to be as bad as you fear.

My dad is terrified of using a wheelchair but won't say it, and won't see his mobility problems as something he has choices about & could manage. He just gets into an anxious state instead about the fear he can't even bring himself to articulate and has therefore blown up in his head as something that will ruin his life with no possible mitigation possible.

There are a lot of options you could take to make sure that a roof stays over your head & your children have a secure future. Which actions have you thought about, what might work for you?

when my daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes we wondered at the time why she was referred to the psychologist in the diabetes department. She/we quickly understood why after the initial shock of the diagnosis kicked in. It's a condition you need to monitor 24:7 and very tough. We're three years on now and it's only in the last year or so that she's come to a greater acceptance and felt that she can relax about having it. Well, not entirely relax. But close.
Give yourself time. Lots of
time.

If you’re In pain then that has to be dealt with first and bought under control. No one is going to have mental resilience when in constant pain, and it’s not something , in todays world, you should have to put up with. being in pain also makes you irritable, sleepless and depressed in itself, and difficult, frankly, to live with. So it is vital for you, and the people you love and love you to get on top of this urgently. But you will need to fight your corner, and be prepared to re fight every time you see a new GP who has kittens at pain killers you’re taking.

having said that, could there be an element of “grieving” for what you’ve lost ? This isn’t uncommon after being given a “life changing” diagnosis. We tend to then dwell on what we’ve lost, what we won’t ever have again and the negative feelings then overwhelm us. You may, possibly, find it helpful looking at the “grief pathway” or any “change curve” type explanation about how our emotions reflect changing feeling as we go through significant change. Even just understanding a bit about why we are feeling the way we are at that moment, can help us realise it is a process we’re going through to adjust and accept a new normal. The brain and human psychology needs a lot of time to do that- and that’s what people mean about being strong or emotionally resilient . Understanding that change process can , sometimes, help us get to that acceptance point and living in the new norm a bit quicker or less traumatically.

Drugs to help adjust our moods like SSRIs may well help. But please do also go back to GP and ask for some talking therapy, particularly if you’re going to have to deal with constant pain or other constant adjustments to your life (like colostomy’) . You may have a long waiting list, so don’t wait till you need it and have failed all other approaches, get on lists now . If you don’t need it when you eventually get called in, then you can cancel and say you don’t need it in good time.

It's a loss and a trauma to have your previous good health turned upside down.

Your feelings are a normal reaction to a stressful situation and you don't deserve sociopathic responses.