Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Something happening or am I one of many?

18 replies

Goodfrock · 04/11/2023 08:17

I'm part of a community around a sport.

Locally, everyone knows everyone, it can be quite gossipy, but also very supportive.

There's a man I've know for about 7 years. A veteran in the sport but still competing at a decent level. He's very knowledgeable and likes to support newbies. Over the years he's organised several beginners groups, who mostly seem to have been youngish women. I don't know if that's conicidence or not, but everything I've heard about them is now wonderfully kind and supportive he is, never anything about him being a predator or being over familiar with them. He's not especially good looking or charismatic, so it's not not obvious how he manages to get so many women hanging on to his everyword, but he is kind and suppprtive.

During this time, AFAIK, he's had 2 serious relationships. The first ended very badly with some toxic behaviour on both sides. The second ended amicably and they still train together, never heard either of them say a bad word. He has children from two previous relationships, one when he was a teenager and he's still close with them all.

I've never heard any gossip regarding him and the young women from his groups.

Anyway he's started sending me flirty messages and that's been fun. I am neither young nor a beginner, he's been very kind about and interested in my achievements in the sport, but then he would, wouldn't he?

So basically he seems like a decent, ordinary middle aged bloke...... who is always surrounded by young women....

OP posts:
HelloVeritas · 04/11/2023 08:25

Come on - you know the answer to this already. You are one of many.

Nothingbuttheglory · 04/11/2023 08:26

Is it martial arts? So many creeps in martial arts...

GreyCarpet · 04/11/2023 08:30

I'd be giving him a wide berth, tbh, OP.

Goodfrock · 04/11/2023 08:47

No not martial arts, although interesting, I do know one real creep who's a martial arts instructor.

To be clear I know he's not "the one", I'm not looking for that anyway, but it could be fun for a while.

OP posts:
CatOnTheCludgy · 04/11/2023 08:56

I think the red flags are waving madly at you, eh?

lionsleepstonight · 04/11/2023 09:03

The only sport this fella is interested in is the willing crop of females it puts his way.

Why on earth would you want to be another notch on a very public bedpost?

Looksonthebrightside · 04/11/2023 09:29

Apart from the first relationship you mention, which ended in toxic behaviour (this would make me wary!), I can’t see that he’s done anything wrong?

Goodfrock · 04/11/2023 09:35

Looksonthebrightside · 04/11/2023 09:29

Apart from the first relationship you mention, which ended in toxic behaviour (this would make me wary!), I can’t see that he’s done anything wrong?

Well exactly that's where I am and that woman was awful when another relationship ended, but obviously I don't know all the details.

AFAIK there is no "bedpost". Neither of the two relationships were with his trainees and I've never heard that he's tried anything on with any of them, it's just a bit odd that's there so many young women amongst them, but maybe that's because they all feel safe with him. I don't know, I've never been part of that group.

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 04/11/2023 09:36

The thing is the "many" seem to be only two women in 7 years. If stuff was regularly going on and the group is gossipy it's impossible that something wouldn't be said , even run of the mill stuff like "I went for a coffee with Mike " or "I had a 121 session with mike" that might make you pause and think. Even more unlikely that dates,relationships, messages etc wouldn't be talked about at all. Maybe he could manipulate a few, a few might keep quiet because they're embarrassed but gossip would still make it's rounds especially if there's a whole bunch of women he's trying it on with.

I can't guarantee it's all above board , as I'm not actually in the group but I don't necessarily see the red flags from what you posted either.

Fifireee · 04/11/2023 09:41

Yeah there is a man at my running club who somehow manages to only run with women and is known to be ‘nurturing’!
He has a wife but she doesn’t seem to feature at all and on his instagram is to be trusted he is a single man because she doesn’t feature. I find him creepy but he seems to be a woman magnet.

Trisolaris · 04/11/2023 09:50

Looksonthebrightside · 04/11/2023 09:29

Apart from the first relationship you mention, which ended in toxic behaviour (this would make me wary!), I can’t see that he’s done anything wrong?

Agree. He helps newbies and if more women take him up on this than men then fair enough. If he only agrees to help women that’s a bit different.

Goodfrock · 04/11/2023 10:16

Both the LTRs were with strong no nonsense women his (and my) age, Both accomplished in the sport, training at his level, not beginners and in no need of his guidance.

I've never heard any gossip at all involving the young women and I'm sure I would have if there was anything to hear.

Men tend to take up this sport later in life when they'll already have an idea of how to train,l from other sports, there are a lot more young women doing it recreationally than there are young men.

OP posts:
fgscat · 04/11/2023 11:12

Roller derby?

Predator, you're one of many, just ignore or react with 😂 to his messages

VeridicalVagabond · 04/11/2023 11:22

Oh just go for it, if you're not interested in finding "the one" and settling down, who gives a shit? Flirt, have some fun! Maybe he's just a nice, safe feeling guy so people are drawn to him. My old horse riding instructor was like this, he just had an aura of harmlessness and kindness so you felt safe with him. Sounds like he's a lover of a strong woman his own age rather than a younger woman anyway.

All this "do you really want to be a notch on a bedpost" when the guy has only had two relationships and there's zero evidence that he's shagging his way through all the young women. Men can't fucking win, if they're nice and supportive enough that women feel safe around them they're a predator, anything else and they're a bastard.

Blackcatowner44 · 04/11/2023 12:07

Mumsnet it weird about relationships starting anywhere other than a dating app.
Any in real life approach is automatically creepy, desperate, inappropriate or a red flag 😆
Look if you like him then flirt back and see what happens.

You know the score and you're not setting your heart on him as "the one" so why not have a little fun and enjoy the attention?

HaddawayAndShite · 04/11/2023 12:11

So we’re calling this man a predator because he teaches a sport that seems to have an influx of young women in….. and that’s it? Fucking hell, MN misandry has reached a new low.

RubyBoozeDay · 04/11/2023 12:15

Go for it. You seem to be aware that he isn't The One and this will be a fling. Have fun and don't get your heart broken.

Goodfrock · 04/11/2023 16:48

Yes, I can't see that there are any real red flags, I think I'm more worried that people will assume I'm being taken for a ride than that I actually will be 🤣

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page