What age did you suspect your child had 'high functioning' autism

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Posting here as little traffic on SN chat.
I know Asperger's isn't a used term now but that's kind of the level I'm talking about - autism which needs little external support. Is this often missed until older? When is it picked up by people other than the mum?

DS is just about to turn 5, I see various signs but I seem to be the only one. He's a clever little boy, probably a year ahead in reading and maths without any pushing from us. He struggles with lack of certainty, making decisions, time (is anxious about how long everything takes), has word final disfluency and uses very grown up language and old fashioned phrases. No specific special interests (enjoys board games, Lego and STEM activity sets), seems to have friends.

School are not worried, DH doesn't see it, grandparents don't see it.

Is high functioning autism often missed until they get older?

The diagnosis was THE best thing. He now explains all his strange little foibles away. He spent years asking why he wasn't like his friends. He now aligns himself with successful autistic people and does so proudly.

Yes 🙌

This is the point of “labelling” kids. THIS!

Not as an excuse for poor behaviour
Not for attention
Not for state benefits

Every time my daughter is able to advocate for herself (by referencing her slow processing, or admitting that she doesn’t have enough social battery for the school disco, or accepting that she’s socially awkward) I am so relieved that she has that diagnosis. She forgives herself for her quirks and foibles. She doesn’t hate herself for being different or weird.

We've just got a diagnosis for DD age 9 but I've had my suspicions for a while, it took a while to get school on board as she masks really successfully at school, but then we see the fall out from that at home. We got a diagnosis sooner than expected from when we were referred as there is a pilot scheme in our area where they do all the asseents in one day and give you the results on the day, it was all a bit of a roller coaster but I'm pleased we did it. My main concern has always been that whilst she's coping OK now, going to secondary plus hormones hitting could be a recipe for disaster. Thankfully now we're able to start putting things in place.

My DC was diagnosed just over a month ago aged 7. I would class him as low needs. To be honest, I failed to see the signs, it was school and his speech therapist that picked up on it. I thought he had adhd (which I still suspect) He doesn't have 1:1 at school, but I think he's coping well for now. I understand his needs may change as he gets older though

His main things are struggling with loud noises (only just got over hand dryers) clothing, will only wear shorts or jogging bottoms, speech delay, but getting better. His sleep has gotten a lot better too but wouldn't sleep in his own bed for ages. A need for routine, but I would still say they're quite mild

Meant to add I also have autism and we act very alike. My needs have definitely become more challenging as I've gotten older, especially the ability to mask, so I suspect his will too

I thought round about 3+, schools weren't interested, very little information ( pre/ early internet) , he was diagnosed in his mid 20s after getting into trouble and courts were involved. Very high intelligence, scholarships, but socially struggling. Mid 30s now. Never achieved the type of lifestyle he is capable of having.

When my 3 year old’s only interaction with the other children at nursery was when the nursery staff used him to read stories to the group at the end of the morning so they could tidy up.
that and at the same age, being able to step count downwards accurate even over the hundred boundaries.
The Community Paediatrician diagnosed him on first meeting.

I had suspicions through Junior School but school never mentioned anything. Raised it in January of Year 7, private Ed Psych report the following week, diagnosed with 11 months. We were very lucky as the initial private report was very quick and saved us months and months, also very lucky as this was 2019!
DD masked pretty well through school but struggled with friendships, particularly in Year 6 (hence raising it in Year 7). She’s definitely high functioning and her autism is becoming more obvious as she’s going through her teen years.

Ds1 I suspected autism from aged 2 (although I suspected something wasn't right from 8 months). Diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome aged 9.
Ds2 I suspected some kind of sensory issues from aged 3 but thought it couldn't be autism because he had friends. Suspected autism when he was 11. Now aged 15 and still waiting for a diagnosis.
Ds3 I suspected something wasn't right from aged 3 but thought it was a hearing problem. Thought he had adhd from about aged 8. TA gently pointed out last week (aged 12) that he also has symptoms of autism.
Ds5 I knew from 2 months old. Diagnosed aged 6 with autism but the paediatrician said he would have been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome if it still existed.

The difference between high functioning autism/Aspergers syndrome and classic autism (if that's the right term) is that with classic autism there are also learning disabilities as well, so an IQ of less than 70. It's not anything to do with how severe your autism symptoms are. My 9 year old has a normal IQ but he can't be trusted with scissors, eats stones, doesn't understand why he can't hug a stranger or stroke their beard. He is classed as high functioning and we often get asked if we are sure because he is spinning around and humming.

Now with increased awareness it is easier to identify ND traits .
My husband in his 60s and it is only in the last 5-6 years that myself and family are certain he is autistic. Husband can’t/ won’t see it .He ticks so many boxes ,ocd,routines,old fashioned vocabulary,solitary interests ,lack of emotions but also comes across as caring…so complicated,almost a bit robotic.
My son who is in his 20s is also clearly high functioning and I never suspected when he was a child,again because of the lack of awareness.I ignorantly thought he was just quirky
Son suspects that he is ,which would also account for his anxieties . He is a lovely guy with great social skills but now in hindsight I think he masks a lot.
He is now exploring getting an assessment.

I suspected at 2. She was diagnosed at 6. In hindsight, it was obvious from day 1.

I knew he was different 6 or so; by then he was obviously having social difficulties at school. Got pushed back by a private child psychologist who belittled me and gave him the line that different people like different things and that's fine - which is true, but denied us any support or understanding from his schools. Finally took him out of school at 17 by which time he was beginning to fail after being scholarship level as junior school. This is quite some time ago when there was much less familiarity with ASD.

I think I started thinking about Aspergers by the time he was 16/17/18 but his view is that he's happy as he is and doesn't want a label.

DS1 very early and he was diagnosed very early too(3). Ended up at an EPU which I am eternally grateful for. Mainstream until secondary then moved to special Ed. Supported through university.

Ds3 diagnosed during year seven and subsequently moved to special Ed school. Now being supported through university.

I suspected my DS had ASD from about two and spoke to the school about it when he was about 8. But it was only when it had a negative impact on his life that he got a formal diagnosis at age 15.

You could be describing my DS. Always had my suspicions since he was little as he stims a lot but when he started reception it was clear he has high functioning ASD. We put in a referral to CAMHS in April this year with schools support in the hope that he has a diagnosis in time for support in secondary school. He turns 6 next month.

How did you respond to school’s comments about strong sense of justice, emotional dysregulation etc? Because to me, those comments are saying there’s a problem without coming out and saying there’s a problem, from my experience at least.

OP I have an ADHD diagnosed 8 year old child although I suspect he could also be autistic, but there isn’t sufficient evidence to diagnose currently, so said the paediatrician. So yes, definitely easy to miss in younger years.

My DS was diagnosed at 8, I suspected from about age 2-3. He was just very different from other preschooler boys, refused to watch TV till about 3.5 when he started watching Katy’s Amazing Machines on CBeebies and then that’s all he would watch, very cross if we started to try something else. Didn’t watch a film till 5.5 during the pandemic and I had to constantly stop and explain what was happening (My Neigbour Toronto!). Precocious early reader. Never ever played with toys - was bought the garage train track marble run, everything we could think of. Just didn’t interest him. On the other hand if I gave him my button jar he’d spent an hour sorting them. So many signs looking back and in preparation for his diagnosis I looked through all my old diaries/emails to put the signs into some kind of chronological order. Aged about four he had a real thing for bus seat fabrics and working out which bus number had which patterned fabric (we lived in London so lots of buses!)…

Around starting school I was sure, thinking ‘maybe’ for 12-18 months before that. Diagnosed age 6.
School weren’t very interested as he was meeting ‘expected’ targets and not disruptive. Ds was very unhappy though and the meltdowns before/ after school were horrendous, he regressed with toileting and we were getting highly stressed. We ended up with him going to independent school as they were very understanding and supportive. Definitely the best choice for ds but only possible as we are lucky enough to be able to pay.

That's when I went for the referral for ASD. Told school we had done this, who said there were no problems at school, and as far as they were concerned she was fine. These things were mentioned at parents evenings, we thought the same as you that they were hinting at a problem without coming out and telling us outright, but actually as it turns out, they were not aware these were signs of ASD in our daughter.

Diagnosed at 14, female and very skilled at masking, not picked up at school and concerns dismissed, pursued private diagnosis at point of breakdown/school refusal/inability to cope.

I wondered about it from age 1 when the only 'game' he liked playing was lining up his toy cars. Lining up stuff is common in both ND and NT toddlers, so I wasn't too concerned at that point.

I wondered about it again at 2 when his favourite book was the which car guide, which he would go throughover and over again, naming all the different car makes. But I thought lots of toddlers like cars.

I wondered about it again when he was 3 and he became obsessed with toilets and how sewage systems would work. His preschool teachers said it was all he could talk about.

At 4 I noticed he struggled with transitions and needed everything to follow a pattern or routine.

At 5 the violent meltdowns started and by 7 years old he was having a meltdown most days when I picked him up from school. I referred him for assessment at 8.

He is now 9 and in year 5. He doesn't have friends at school as such but his teacher lets him spend lunchtimes inside where he will happily teach chess to anyone brave enough to play against him 😂. His primary school are great with him. I worry a lot about secondary school.

That’s really hard, mixed messages are the worst! For my DS the comments were always along those sort of lines, “has he had a hearing test”/“he struggles to concentrate on the mat” etc but to be fair, as soon as I’ve mentioned neurodiversity to any of his teachers, not one dismissed me, so I knew they were seeing what we were.

We're going through an autism assessment for my 12 yo DS now. He hasn't coped with the move to senior school well at all.

He's always been particular (especially about clothes and noise) but is very bright (he taught himself to read aged 2, and despite having missed over 18 months of school due to anxiety is still top of the class and working at over 2 years ahead in maths) and sociable. It's as he gets more stressed that we see more signs, though he has never been an easy child to parent.

Niggles when he was a baby, and more concrete concerns from when he was 9 months. Diagnosed at 3, and then doubted myself for years because no one in ordinary life could see it. I was nearly at the point of thinking I had muchausens by proxy, when his need for support escalated around the age of 11. I was so grateful to have the diagnosis in place at that point, because even then it was an uphill struggle.

I wish I hadn’t absorbed the idea that managing without external support was somehow a good thing. It’s horribly damaging

When she was young enough to walk. Dr's put it down to being hyperactive.

She was diagnosed at 14 and my god I wish they listened sooner. She would've had a better time at high school and alot more support going in. Now it's a daily struggle to get her out the door in the mornings.

Diagnosed at 11, but by this point had already missed over a year at school. He was "ok" until about 7, in that he coped in mainstream and needed no extra support, although knowing what I know now it was obvious before he turned 2. His diagnosis with critical to getting specialist support.