Do you love yourself?

[momkoul]

I don't. I never have.

I'm 23 and overweight & have been since I was a kid. I hate my body. I struggle with eating healthy and losing weight. My BMI is classed as obese. My body to me is just fat.

Facial features, I would say I hate more than my body. I hate my nose it looks big to me & I feel as if I have huge fish eyes, I cannot stand my side profile that kills me. I have a slight double chin , I say slight but I still absolutely hate it.

I feel like I look like a man

I look at myself in the mirror and just hate what I see

It's starting to affect my relationship with my beautiful, caring & loving partner who I adore so much. I've been with him for a few years now & we also have a beautiful baby together. He knows I'm self conscious & he always reassures me and tells me I'm the most beautiful girl on the planet and I'm the only girl he wants.

My mind is starting to wander to crazy places, I just cannot wrap my head around how he finds me attractive I seriously don't understand it.

I'm starting to feel more and more sad everyday about my appearance & I just feel as if my partner deserves someone beautiful.

I have zero confidence, I hate everything about my body and looks.

When I'm talking to people face to face I'm constantly thinking in my head 'they're probably just looking at me thinking how ugly I am'

& another thing, I know I shouldn't care about stuff like this but there's nothing I hate more than seeing my partners friends because I always think they think he could do better & that I'm punching.

Social media plays a huge part in why I think like this & todays society.

Do you love yourself?

Any advice for me?

I dream of waking up one day and loving myself.

When I'm talking to people face to face I'm constantly thinking in my head 'they're probably just looking at me thinking how ugly I am

This is very unlikely. Most people look OK, even if we don't necessarily think they're super attractive. I bet you meet others who are overweight or have big noses - do you look at them and think that? I bet you don't. The only people I've ever felt disgusted by were people who were very unclean.

Do you exercise at all? Doing something fun like dance aerobics might help your confidence as well as helping with weight loss and mental health.

To answer your question, I don't love myself but I'm working on it. I've had bulimia and severe anxiety since I was 14 (now 32). I've been really working on my anxiety this year through journaling and self development books/videos. I also stopped drinking alcohol which helped a lot.

Would you consider therapy? It's really sad that you feel this way at only 23.

Also, deactivate your social media accounts for a month or two. I do this a couple of times a year and always feel so much better.

I've had decades of feeling exactly this way and I really feel for you because it's awful. It takes over every aspect of your life.
I don't know if I really have much advice for you but I know it all feels a lot less important to me now that I'm older (40s) and I wish I could have realised this earlier. That even if I am weird looking, I'm reasonably healthy and the only people who really matter to me love me for who I am. I still go through bad days though, when I can't bear to be seen.

I don't think that I'd even be happier if I was more attractive because that isn't really the problem, it's my mindset and self esteem issues that would just always find the negative to dwell on, whatever I looked like. It's a mental health issue really.

Some sort of counseling would probably be a good idea, to help you put things in perspective. Also treating yourself with kindness and compassion, which I realise is easier said than done when you've spent your life being cruel to yourself ❤️

Oh and by the way just a random anecdote but I once saw an older woman (maybe 60s-70s) in a bus station and she had the hugest hook nose I've ever seen in my life but she was so graceful and elegant. She was very striking and beautiful in a non conventional way.

I have a big nose myself and I wanted to get a nose job for a long time. I used to come home from school in fits of tears because of the things the bullies said to me but I changed my mind as I got older and gained some confidence. Now the people who used to bully me have tried to ask me out (the answer was NO). Confidence means a lot.

I'm old, fat and unattractive and I absolutely adore myself! Because there is so much more to me than just how I look. Anyone who couldn't see past my looks is not someone I'd want in my life.

I won't lie, I did care a lot more when I was younger but I realise now how pointless that was. Yes I would have loved to have been beautiful! But it isn't all that matters. I have an attractive sister. She's no happier than me, probably more unhappy. She still compares herself to others and finds fault with herself. It's sad.

If you want to do some kind of exercise or whatever for your own self then fine go ahead and do that. Ditch the social media for sure! But don't waste your life being unhappy about your looks. You have a baby and a loving partner. I bet he would say lots of positive things about you! While you're looking in the mirror feeling unhappy or thinking about it, you're wasting time you could be spending with the people who love and care about you. Try and live more in the moment and you will see how much you have to offer.

Nope. Never have.
Suffered body dysmorphia for a long time.
I have tried to hide my face yet have always been told I am extremely pretty , beautiful even, but that just makes me cringe.
I am in my forties now.
Get some therapy op- work on the inside bit . The rest will come.

Huge hugs 🩷

When I read your thread title @momkoul it never crossed my mind this would be about physical appearance.

It would help if you didn’t place so much importance on what you look like and work on loving yourself in other ways, the rest will follow.

I was feeling the exact same as you over the summer. Long story but basically I got myself in such a state I was crying and hyperventilating in the garden at 3am. Anyway, my wonderful hubby took me to the GP who prescribed me setraline. I started on 50mg and have increased to 100mg. I am feeling calmer and more able to accept what I see in the mirror. I have deactivated all my social media and starting to enjoy life again. Please go and speak to your doctor. Life is too short to spend it hiding away. Xx

Sending you love. So much love. And hugs 🩷